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Is it supposed to feel this way?

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#1 flbluiiis

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  • 184 posts

    Posted 21 July 2009 - 02:08 PM

    Okay so I realize that nothing is really "supposed to" feel any certain way...each person is different and handles things differently. With that being said... OMG I'm totally stressing out. I am NOT good at making decisions, it takes me forever...but on the other hand I'm a bit of a control freak. I never really wanted to get married because I've seen so many marriages fall apart... then I met this man and fell completely and totally head over heals for him - we matched in all the ways I thought was important, common interests, morals, we laugh, we are silly together and so many more. So then next thing I know I'm dreaming of getting married to him with sand between my toes, something small cause I don't love the idea of being the center of attention. Now that he has proposed and I get to start planning the dream I have for a wedding... I'm having so many doubts. I am doubting him, our 4 years together, our future together... I'm doubting the wedding in the sand, it is too $$, too far away, etc.

    I am not even planning on getting married until 2011 and I'm already freaking out. Is there something wrong with me... am I Sam from Sex in the City? Is that me breaking into hives when I try on the wedding dress? Is it even the wedding, or is there something bigger going on?

    I realize most of these are questions that only I can answer, but for some reason it just feels better putting them out there in the open. Thanks ladies for being there... lol...wherever you are!

    #2 JOSIE

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    • 1,792 posts

      Posted 21 July 2009 - 02:37 PM

      Seriously I know exactly how you feel. I feel bad posting that maybe I'm doubting things but its totally normal. For me its knowing that marriage is so hard and takes so much work. Its seeing my parents marriage and how hard and complicated it was and being there for my mom through conseling while they tried to work things out. I've never been "idealisitc" about marriage like most of my friends are when they get married and it makes me sad. I love my FI and he's my best friend, but forever seems so long and so hard. I know we'll have ups and downs but I am DREADING the downs and worried I won't have the strength to stand through all of the hard times. I'm worried because he's been married and divorced and it killed him and I never want him to experience that pain again. We just got legally married on friday and i was so excited!!!!! But then my heart sunk thinking, holy ($*$)( there is no turning back now. Everything seems so final! I'm also regretting having a huge DW because marrying at the courthouse was so easy and i've also never liked being the center of attention.

      all in all, you love him and that is what matters. If you have been happy for 4 years, you will be just fine! You've experienced him for long enough to know him through and through, and that is what gets me through my inconsistent thoughts and doubts. I just tell myself to take it day by day, and you can make anything stress you out if you put it up on a huge pedistal. In the end we are just people and I know I wouldnt be happy alone........good luck! many girls have these doubts and its normal :)

      #3 YoursTruly

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      • 1,097 posts

        Posted 21 July 2009 - 02:45 PM

        no you are perfectly normal and trust if you were Sam.you would not be dreaming of sand between your toes! Good luck with everything! Hugs!

        #4 CrystalM

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          Posted 21 July 2009 - 08:02 PM


          I doubt things every single day.

          Until about 2 years ago, oddly enough, I thought I resembled Samantha...serial dater and nothing was serious and I didn't want anything serious. Now, I don't know if I was like that because that's who I was (grew up) or because that's who I am.

          I love my fiance. I want to be with him til I'm old and grey. Could I live without him, yeah absolutely - I don't want to though and that alone is what keeps me going through the doubts.
          I have a fabulous photographer I can share in the United States Virgin Islands in late April/early MayP.M. if interested!http://img.weddingco....pvbh7hxc5u.png

          #5 KLC77

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            Posted 21 July 2009 - 08:34 PM

            Originally Posted by CrystalM
            Could I live without him, yeah absolutely - I don't want to though and that alone is what keeps me going through the doubts.
            I agree with this. I think that sometimes we think of exploring what our other options may be/ have been in life as doubts, but there's nothing wrong with questioning where you are and where you're going. Its totally normal.

            Our Awesome Wedding Pics: http://www.delsolpho...ings/kelly&ron/

            #6 flbluiiis

            • Jr. Member
            • 184 posts

              Posted 22 July 2009 - 07:39 AM

              Thank you so much ladies :) It is very comforting to know that I'm not alone in my feelings! With all the wedding planning and emotions that come along with it, sometimes it is hard to keep perspective. I feel very lucky to have found a great resource for not only planning and logistics of the wedding but also the emotional side! Thanks again!!!

              #7 The Mandy in Chandy

              The Mandy in Chandy
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              • 307 posts

                Posted 23 July 2009 - 11:00 AM

                We're here any time you need us. Now if you have any serious reservations because of something he's done bad, that is a different story in regards to your doubts. But as for cold feet, it's totally normal. I stressed about getting my venue for months, finally got it, then started thinking it was all wrong for me. Try to enjoy the fun things about planning so the stress doesn't become overwhelming! :)

                #8 sweetiekris

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                • 41 posts

                  Posted 23 July 2009 - 11:11 AM

                  Getting married isnt as easy as it looks you will have good and bad days but in the end never go to bed mad at each other. The marriage planning is very stressful and I thought having a destination wedding would limit my stress but I was wrong. I had so many people complain that they had to pay and that they wouldnt be able to see us get married. We then changed our minds to do it at the shore but it wasnt what we wanted. After months of agony from people my fiance and I just said forget it were doing moon palace in mexico. We booked it a day later and people can deal its not there wedding. In the planning process youll have to make many decisions just go with your first instinct. You dont want to fear marriage as long as both of you have an understanding of what you want in life you shold do well. Many marriages do fall apart today but they stop trying. Keep your head up high you can do it and you have plenty of time to plan.

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