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R.I.P Future Father-in-Law

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19 replies to this topic

#1 jmiranda

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    Posted 06 July 2009 - 10:37 AM

    My FI father passed away this past Sunday, May 28 from a heart attack. When we heard of the news at 8:00pm on Sunday my FI, his sisters, his mom and myself flew out to Mexico on the 1:45am flight. We arrived in the morning to FI parents house to witness that the news was true. I wish is was just a horrible nightmare but this is really happening. We are back from Mexico after funeral services and his burial.

    Im trying to be strong and help his family out as much as I can but sometimes I dont even know what to say or do. FI is doing really bad. Does anyone have any words of wisdom, thoughts or ideas that they can share with me so I can help them?

    Our wedding is 3 months away with trips paid for, deposits down, dresses made etc.... CANCEL? FI says no but I believe that we should. This is suppose to be a moment of happiness and it has become a nightmare.

    Future Father-in-Law talked so much about our wedding. He was so happy that his son was getting married and he loved me so much. He was so excited so the wedding. Why did he have to go?

    #2 JOSIE

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      Posted 06 July 2009 - 10:41 AM

      That is so crushing. I am sorry to hear this news. I wish there was something you could do or say at a time like this but unfortunately people need to go through the grieving process and time must pass for them to adjust and cope, and move forward. I know that doing all the little things you possibly can, like making dinner, and doing grocery shopping and alleviating some of the little burdens would make a huge difference to them.

      What I KNOW is important is that you DO NOT cancel the wedding. Trust me, the family needs something POSITIVE to focus on and they will LOOK FORWARD to having a reason to smile. FIL was so excited for the wedding, he would not want you to cancel, I know that! He will be watching from above and I am so glad you had his blessing.

      My thoughts are with you during this difficult time!

      #3 Erika J

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        Posted 06 July 2009 - 10:43 AM

        I am terribly sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you and your FI. I am sure his father would have wanted nothing more than you to continue on with your beautiful wedding and to start your lives as soon as possible as husband and wife.

        I hope your wedding is still a wonderful celebration.

        My condolences again.

        #4 edna

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          Posted 06 July 2009 - 10:45 AM


          I am so sorry for this lost, my only words for you and your FI are stay strong, together and remember him as happy for your wedding plans. IHe is now in peace and from where he is now he is sending you both his blessings, on your wedding day he will be in spirit and he wouldnt let you cancel for sure, so keep going, You can do something special to remember him on your wedding day.

          A big hug for you and I'll keep you in my prayers. Let us know how we can help.

          #5 itsfinallyhere

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            Posted 06 July 2009 - 10:46 AM

            I am so sorry for your loss. How terrible that it has happened and een worse that it has happened now. But DO NOT CANCEL THE WEDDING.

            You FI is going thru a terrible time. He is going to be very lost for a while and things will be difficult for him. He will come around and having to do a few last minute this will help him. The best thing you can do it be there for him witout any demands. He is going thru one of the biggest and hardest adjust we have to make as people. Dealing with the loss of a loved one, especially when it is unexpected is hard. He will be replaying a lot of memories both good and bad for the next while. Try to make him laugh with funny stories about his dad. He needs to mourn but make sure after a while he gets out for something other than work. And also find a way to incorporate his memory into your ceremony.

            A friend of mine got married in the Mayan and her father had also pasted away before she was able to marry. In his memory the included the candle lighting ceremony and also contiued down to the shore to throw rose pedals into the ocean as a tribute to him.

            This of course is just an idea, but it will be important for everyon that you find a way to honor his memory on tha day. You will "FEEL" his presence there smiling down on all of you.

            Good Luck.

            #6 MayBride2010

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              Posted 06 July 2009 - 10:48 AM

              Aww that is so sad I agree with the others, don't cancel the wedding. He would want you to go ahead and it gives the family something to look forward to.

              I'm sorry for your loss.

              #7 *Heather*


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                Posted 06 July 2009 - 10:49 AM

                Jessica I'm so sorry to hear this! My heart breaks for you and your FI and your families. I'm with Josie though - the wedding will be a positive thing for everyone to look forward to, which is what you will all need. Your FFIL wouldn't want you to cancel.

                Big HUGE hugs!

                #8 jmiranda

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                  Posted 06 July 2009 - 11:07 AM

                  I thank everyone so much for your kind words. This is a very hard moment for FI. I do agree with Josie that the wedding will be something positive for the family to look forward too. Thank you so much for keeping us in you thoughts and prayers.

                  I will definately be needing everyone help with ideas for remembering his father in our wedding.

                  #9 Jamaica0619

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                    Posted 06 July 2009 - 11:32 AM

                    You, your FI and his family are in my thoughts. This is a terrible time, and I'm so sorry. I agree with Josie and others...the wedding will allow the family to focus on something very positive and happy. I think that they will just be a bit lost for awhile. Everyone grieves differently and needs a different amount of time to go through that process. Depending on how the family and your FI is doing at the time of the wedding, the idea of paying a special tribute to him might be a nice touch. However, it could also be very painful...depending on how people are coping.
                    Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. ~ Albert Camas

                    #10 Kristy!


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                      Posted 06 July 2009 - 11:33 AM

                      I'm so sorry to hear about your FFIL. We lost DH's father while we were engaged, so I completely understand where you're coming from right now.

                      You're not going to have a whole lot of wedding motivation for about a month, but I really recommend that you do not cancel your wedding. The family needs something happy to look forward to. And don't be concerned about it making the wedding a sad event because it won't. DH wrote a poem for his dad and his aunt read it and then gave a toast to his father and my grandmther (who also passed away while we were engaged) which gave us a great way to celebrate their memories. Obviously many of used cried, but within a few minutes, everyone was fine again.

                      As for your FI, all I can say is just be there for him. There will be lots of hugs. I told DH that I will be there for him to cry on whether it's in 10 minutes or 10 years. The whole thing is awful and sad, but in the end, you will be stronger as a couple and most likely closer with his family.

                      Please PM me if you need to talk.

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