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What would you do if you found

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#31 jessla

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    Posted 24 June 2009 - 01:55 PM

    I definitely would not throw them out! If my FI threw away my letters and I found out one day, I would be PO'd! Personally, I keep all letters, whether they're meaningful to me or not, because I'm a sentimental person. I'd like to be able to go back to them one day, or for my children/grandchildren to be able to go back to them one day. If people didn't save letters, we'd never know what parts of the past were like, and about many peoples' lives. I wouldn't touch them.

    Like PPs said, I think it would be much better to ask him what he wants done with them.

    #32 jk1101

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      Posted 29 June 2009 - 04:41 PM

      Ok, after much thought and contemplation, I have put the card/letters into a box I know he hasn't gone through yet. I couldn't bring myself to throw them out, but I also couldn't bring myself to actually hand them to him either. Do you know that this board is the only place I have shared this inner struggle? You girls are the best!

      #33 SDSteph

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        Posted 29 June 2009 - 05:18 PM

        Yuck. Sucks to find 'the past' but keep in mind it is exactly what it is = THE PAST. My ex still has THE box in our office closet. He can throw it away when he is ready. The rest is up to you personally. =)
        Steph and Kel Mayan Riveria - February 2011http://www.stephnkelwedding.com

        #34 *kellis*

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          Posted 07 July 2009 - 02:59 AM

          I would just throw them out. My FI was cleaning out our room while I was out of town a few months ago and I guess he found some pictures of my ex stuffed in some box(that I honestly didn't know was even still there.) So when I got home, I was looking for something and happened to see the frame it was in and it was empty, that's when I realized there had still been a pic of my ex in it. And I'm glad he threw them out, saved me the trouble.
          But I would probably just mention that I found them as I was going to throw them out and double check to make sure he didn't mind(and really really hope he doesn't say he does mind lol)
          (Formerly "Future Mrs. Kt Ellis")

          I love being a wife!

          #35 islandbride317

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            Posted 07 July 2009 - 06:39 AM

            Ooohh...this is a tough one.

            Sorry I am late on this post, but as for myself, I find that a one year time limit is the longest I will ever hang onto anything from a past, personal relationship. That way, you can make peace with whatever feelings you might have that need to be sorted out or brought to closure. But, when it's someone else's stuff, especially your FI's.....hmmm. Well, I think if you really want to see what he would do with these pics and letters, you should "let" him find them. I'd just put the box with these things in them amongst a pile of other junk that either needs to be saved or thrown away and see what he does. Is that shady? Perhaps to some, but then you wouldn't have the outright confrontation and it wouldn't look like you had intentionally invaded his privacy. Chances are very good that he'll try to discreetly dispose of them (not ever thinking you'd seen them) so as to not upset you.

            But this is coming from me, someone who can be just as crazy-jealous as anyone when it comes to ex's! My FI is a U.S. mail carrier while he finishes his degree, and I wanted to freak out when I found out that one of his ex-loves (a girl he was with for a number of years in a rocky relationship) is on his mail route! I had all these crazy ideas and scenarios whipping through my mind, like that he'd be delivering her mail or a parcel and she'd want to try to rekindle their past relationship or some such nonsense! Nuts, right?! From what I understand, she's married with 2 kids, but that didn't prevent my imagination from running wild!

            At any rate, I think that it's easy for any woman, regardless of how strong she thinks she, or her relationship, may be to totally be "okay" with the thought of her man's ex(s). If you really love someone, you don't want anything or anyone to jeopardize that, and you're totally human to have been sort of taken aback by this discovery. I'm sure you'll do what you think is best, but when this all goes down, please keep us posted, because we're here for you, lady!

            The BDW has always got your back!

            #36 jk1101

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              Posted 07 July 2009 - 08:40 AM

              I actually gave it to him last night - I told him I found it when I was cleaning up - he was shocked - like I said originally - I didn't think he even knew it was there- and he threw it away immediately. He's a pack rat and has been cleaning out a ton of stuff lately so hopefully we'll be getting rid of everything!

              BIG SIGH OF RELIEF!
              So glad to have that gone!
              Thank you ladies!!!!

              #37 courtney_b00

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                Posted 07 July 2009 - 09:47 AM

                I'm probably bad for saying this but...I would read all of them and then shred them to pieces before he found out haha.

                #38 courtney_b00

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                  Posted 07 July 2009 - 09:48 AM

                  Just saw that he threw it out...awesome stuff!

                  #39 islandbride317

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                    Posted 07 July 2009 - 05:01 PM

                    YIPPEE!! Congrats on getting the piece of mind you've been so hoping for, Michele! With less than a year until your wedding, it's so important to know that you're both fully onboard....so glad for you!

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