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I feel hopeless.

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19 replies to this topic

#1 meghanmbm

  • Jr. Member
  • 203 posts

    Posted 01 June 2009 - 09:19 PM

    I am two months away from marrying the man of my dreams and all I can do is cry. Before finally decideing to do this DW, we both talked to the important people in our lives that we truely wanted there, to ensure that they would be willing to take the journey with us. Everyone was on board so we booked and started planning. Now we have less than half of the people we really wanted there and a bunch of people who we love but never expected to make the trip. It seems odd that the people that I found closest to are not going to be there. This includes my cousin who was one of my bridesmaids! Who just told me today via text message and my brother. I wish I could just call the whole thing off and have it just be the two of us. I cant express how much I hate this! Oh and my cousin asked me to plan my own bach. party (not in so many words, but WTF)!!!!!!! I really dont even care at this point. Just needed to vent.. feel better now, thanks.
    Live every day like the next will never come.

    #2 jk1101

    • Sr. Member
    • 2,582 posts

      Posted 01 June 2009 - 09:30 PM

      I'm so sorry you're feeling so down and I hope you feel better soon. It's so hard when we plan a DW to know whether people will really come or not. So many people have told us they will be coming, but now that I've sent STDs, I'm finding out they probably can't. People have the best intentions, but cannot always follow through. Be happy for the people who will be coming.
      And as for planning your own bachelorette party, I know my one friend did that, just so it would be the way she wanted it to be....

      #3 JUSTUSTWO


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        Posted 01 June 2009 - 09:32 PM

        I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now, but if it helps you any, you should know that you are not the only one who has had these exact same feelings & been where you are right now. I know there are plenty of threads that discussed this same topic. I even started one in my early stages of planning when I joined BDW.

        I can tell you from my own experience that on your wedding day, the people who did not travel with you, won't even cross your mind. All you will be thinking about is that its your wedding day & you are marrying the one you love, surrounded by friends & family who support you & love you too. You'll have such a wonderful time with the friends & family who do attend that you won't even remember the other people's names!

        And when you return home & share your experience with the people who didn't come & they see your beautiful pictures & hear from your other guests how amazing everything was, they will be the ones who regret that they didn't make it!!!

        Vent all you need to, cry about now, get it all out & then put it in the back of your mind. I too was overwhelmed & highly surprised by the people who came with us who I didn't really expect to come, while family members & close friends found reasons for why they couldn't make it. I don't know why it always seems to happen that way, but it does.
        I do know that my friendships/relationships definitely became stronger with those that supported us through our journey and for that I'm grateful.

        You'll get through this & you'll be fine!

        #4 itsfinallyhere

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        • 573 posts

          Posted 01 June 2009 - 09:37 PM

          Of course you need to vent. And of course you feel like crying. I completely understand. This is suppose to be one of the most special times of your life and you automatically thought the people you love and feel closest to would go out of their way to help make this time special. It is completely normal that you are upset about this. But remember that they are the ones that will be missing out. Your day will be special regardless. And the people that do make it, will make up the difference. The shame is on them for not being more supportive of you, but generally it is easier to say than do. As for your bachlorette party, why don't you talk talk to your other BM or MOH maube they can help you too. I am helping with my shower. I don't expect a bchlorette party, so would hate to miss that too. So if it is money they need, then I will help with that. If it is something else then whatever.

          #5 Geralyn

          • Sr. Member
          • 2,677 posts

            Posted 01 June 2009 - 10:02 PM

            I'm so sorry you're going through this! But remember the day is about you and FI and the day will be special no matter what. Of course it sucks that the people you wanted to be there won't be but everything will work out in the end...and you WILL marry the man of your dreams!

            #6 Vikki

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            • 807 posts

              Posted 01 June 2009 - 10:52 PM

              It's ok to be disappointed and sad. Your wedding is a very special and important day and you want to share it with the people you love. Maybe you can bring something or do something at your ceremony to incorporate the important people in your life that can't be there. I know there are some threads around here somewhere that have ideas.

              Attending a DW is a lot to ask from some people, just because they don't come doesn't mean they don't love you. Both my brother and Brandon's brother won't be there. My brother and his wife can afford it but she doesn't do well with travel and has a lot of medical issues. His brother is in school and just doesn't have the extra money. As much as we'll miss them we'll still have a wonderful time-and you will too.

              #7 kari

              • Newbie
              • 55 posts

                Posted 02 June 2009 - 01:01 AM

                I know its hard when you really want certain ppl to be at your wedding and they say they will and then they back out....its sooooo FRUSTRATING!! I know b/c its happend to me. The way im looking at it now is that the ppl who wont be there will be missing out on such a special day and they are the ones that will have regrets, not you.
                ENJOY your special day with the friends and family that are making the effort to be there with you!

                #8 *Nadine*

                • Sr. Member
                • 5,466 posts

                  Posted 02 June 2009 - 10:41 AM

                  I think every bride who has a destination wedding goes through this, so just know your not alone. Of course not everyone will be able to come, but its the ones who if the roles were reversed you would be there in a second, that hurt the most I think. I just started to look at it as 'well its their loss cause they are missing out on one heck of a vacation and wedding'. Not to mention there are a ton of people who are making the effort to be there, and thats pretty heart warming in itself.

                  #9 JOSIE

                  • Sr. Member
                  • 1,792 posts

                    Posted 02 June 2009 - 10:47 AM

                    I think the girls have given great advice. We're all running into this and you can't help but be disappointed and feel this way, especially when best friends and family members back out. We all have a vision of how we want our weddings to turn out, and when that gets compromised, it becomes hard to picture. Don't let this take away from all the planning you've already done for your DW. Try to focus on the fact that you're marrying your best friend and how important that is!!!! You'll have beautiful pictures and get an amazing vacation and the people that do come will never forget it, the rest will most likely end up regretting their decision, but in the end just focus on YOU and HIM.

                    we all know how you feel :) it will pass, I promise!

                    #10 ikupoo

                    • Jr. Member
                    • 171 posts

                      Posted 02 June 2009 - 11:25 AM

                      In my case, my own officient flaked on me, amongst plenty of others. But I'm really appreciative of all the people who are actually coming, and now I'm glad that I can spend the extra $ on people who want to be there.

                      I also planned my own bachelorette all girls Vegas trip and my fiance's bachelor party. I was frustrated at first, but now I can't wait!

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