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I dislike my maid of honor

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#1 tata2

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    Posted 10 May 2009 - 06:32 PM

    I need some support and some words of wisdom. I will give you all a brief background and we can go from there.
    I have asked my sister-in-law to be my maid of honour... not because she is my best or closest friend but because we have drifted so far apart I thought it would help our relationship. She cried when I asked her but since then she has not really been into it except going along to buy bridesmaids dresses. Other than that she never brings the wedding subject up. She is not really into going to Mexico as she is a self proclaimed germ-a-phob and never misses an opportunity to ask me "Why Mexico? and remind me of all her fears of what "3rd world" problems we might enounter.
    My brother has been married to her for 15 years and for the first 10 years we were very, very close. Over the last 5 years she has become someone I do not even like so much and the rest of my family has had huge issues with her also. We have all tried to make peace with her but she is very opinionated and hurtful and we often feel what is the point.
    I was very close to my brother and my 2 wonderful neices but it had got to the point were if not seeing her meant not seeing them than so be it.
    I really feel she has no idea how hurtful she can be and even today Mother's day she was rude to my mom. I wanted to say something but did not want to rock the boat.
    So here I am stuck with a woman I do not like very much anymore as my maid of honour.
    I can't disinvite her so I need some advise as to how I can get through the next 6 months without causing an even bigger rift in the family. I know once I open my mouth I won't stop so I can't start.
    Thanks for listening to me vent,

    #2 JulieG

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      Posted 10 May 2009 - 06:44 PM

      Do you have bridesmaids? I ask because can you appoint one of them as your MOH without your SIL knowing? What I would do is ask one of my BM's who I am really close with to step in and plan the things she needs to plan and take over MOH duties. I did this for my best friend. Her sister was her MOH but was not very into it, so I planned everything and went with my BFF to look for dresses, hair trials, literally everything her sister should have done. Her sister was so shitty that the wedding party got together to get a gift for the couple and even though she was MOH, her son was ring bearer and her DH was there as well, she would only donate $50 to the present (to her own f&%#ing sister!!!)

      Sorry to babble there, but if you don't have any BM's, let us know and we can see what other ideas we can come up with.

      #3 tata2

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        Posted 10 May 2009 - 07:01 PM

        Yes I have a bridesmaid, my foster sister, but she is out of town. She is willing to do anything and is very excited abouth the whole wedding thing but again she lives 5 hours away.
        I did not ask my best friend as I thought the olive branch situation needed to be done HA!
        My bff has been very understanding of my decision and has told me she will be right behind me all the way. I really wish she could be beside me instead!
        I am very, very sad and wish I could turn back time and do what I really should have done in the first place.

        #4 MarieSam

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          Posted 10 May 2009 - 07:11 PM

          Well...... if she's not even going to Mexico -- your wedding -- doesn't it make sense to ask someone else to take her place?

          #5 tata2

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            Posted 10 May 2009 - 07:34 PM

            she is going to Mexico for the wedding but not overly happy about it! I secretly wish they would not got but my brother I know would not miss it!

            #6 JulieG

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              Posted 10 May 2009 - 07:34 PM

              DO you realize you have posted the same thread in 2 locations? I think one needs to be deleted or they need to be merged. Please ask a MOD to do that for you.

              #7 Alyssa

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                Posted 10 May 2009 - 07:42 PM

                Hi Tata,

                I merged this thread with the one like it you posted in General Wedding - please do not post the same thread in multiple sections of the forum.

                Click on the red link in my signature to re-read the FAQ and forum etiquette before posting any more threads or replying to anything else.


                #8 itsfinallyhere

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                  Posted 10 May 2009 - 08:19 PM

                  I would talk to your SIL about the situation, And tell her that your best friend was heart broken about not having her position, and since she (your SIL) seems to be to busy to be of assistance would she mind allowing your friend to step into her place. But of course do it as nicely as you can. Thats the best advise I can give, but .....

                  I am not good at these things I tend to be very blunt and to the point. So if it were me I would just tell her that you are very disappointed in her behaviour and that if she doesn't want the job than you would already have someone waiting to take her place. But that is me. You someone to share the excitment not bring you down!

                  #9 BillysBride

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                    Posted 10 May 2009 - 08:41 PM

                    I'd just tell her exactly what you posted to us here. That you felt the division between the two of you and have been hoping that her being your MOH would bring you closer together because you miss her friendship. Focus on that, vs. the fact that she's been a royal bitch and pain in the ass this past five years. lol Sounds funny, but I'm sure you get what I mean.

                    As the old folks say, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Since this IS such a..sensitive situation and you don't want to upset the family and your brother in particular, approach her from the stand point of trying to get close and see how she reacts. If she gets touchy and doesn't meet you halfway, I'd probably just end up telling her. You may not end up having a BM who can do all the bridal stuff with you, but maybe it will bring things to a head and you'll either be able to spend the next six months not having to fake it or having the air cleared.

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                    #10 Vikki

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                      Posted 10 May 2009 - 09:46 PM

                      Is it possible that she is as uncomfortable with this situation as you are and that maybe she would prefer not to be your MOH? It may have been unexpected that you asked her and not wanting to hurt your feelings she agreed but deep down really didn't want to take that role. I agree with the other posts, you should talk to her like you've explained it to us and see how she reacts. I think it's wonderful that you wanted to try and regain the closeness you once had but maybe this isn't the way to do it. I sure wish the best to you and hope it works out.

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