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Bachelorette party etiquette dilemma


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#1 yamille

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    Posted 30 March 2009 - 01:59 PM

    Hi guys,
    So my sister is my MOH and I am not having any other bridal party. I did this becuase it just worked for me. FI is also just having his bro as best man. We thought this would keep it simple and less stressful for our dear friends that are all coming to Mexico. Anyway.. I never really told my sister anything about what I wanted or expected form her and I feel sort of weird now becuase I am wondering if she is planning any sort of bridal shower/bachelorette party for me.

    I have always been super duper laid back about these sorts of things and declined having a sweet 16, a big graduation party, an engagement party any of these BIG sort of things. This was also why I wanted a destination wedding. I like intimate. Now here I am 1 month and 3 wks away and I'm like wait- I want one. I don't think a bridal shower but a bachelorette party. Part of me thinks that my sis will plan something on her own and maybe surprise me (in which case I sort of feel like an a**) but if you were me whould you ask?

    My other concern is that I'm not sure that she knows that she would need to invite more than just my close friends. She has to invite ALL the women (friends) invited to the wedding right? Even if they can't make it to Mexico..Is that how it works?

    - Do I ask her and make sure she knows she needs to ask everyone (if she's planning)?
    - or do I just let it play out and keep my mouth shut?

    * btw I said something to fi and he's like "i think Jess will do something... don't worry." but it wasn't that convincing.

    ** Then again, maybe I'm just having a werido insecure, bridal moment..hmm
    thanks for the feedback ladies

    #2 Goldstein to Be

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      Posted 30 March 2009 - 02:09 PM

      I think that it's ok to say something to your sister. I know that I said something to my BMs and they were really amazing and open to hearing what I wanted. I figure this is my one chance to get what I want and if I don't speak up, I'll never get it. (I even got my MIL to throw me a bridal shower). I think your sis would feel horrible if she didn't throw a party and then found out later you wanted one. I'm sure everyone wants to help out any way they can.

      #3 bumbles

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        Posted 30 March 2009 - 02:10 PM

        Has your sister planned/attended bparties before?

        Maybe you can ask her if there's a particular day you should keep open on your calendar wink wink. Or you can always ask her and then offer your help w/ getting people's contact info. It's getting close to your wedding date, so it may either be a surprise or she may have assumed you didn't want a party.

        All the female friends should be invited from what I know... so no hurt feelings :)

        #4 amyblant

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          Posted 30 March 2009 - 02:12 PM

          I think you should ask her. I wouldn't be offended if the shoe were on the other foot. I am just having mine in DR and pretty much planning it but it will be laid back and all the women there are just invited to dinner and then out afterwards.

          #5 BachataBride

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            Posted 30 March 2009 - 02:13 PM

            LOL...I was concerned about this too! My MOH is not in the same province so I was sure that I wasn't getting one! Then a few of my local friends got together & planned a b'ette for me!!

            Maybe you could get your FI to snoop for you!! Have him mention to your sis that you were wondering about it...but tell him to make her think it was him asking...not you!!

            For a b'ette I dont' think you have to invite everyone...but I dont think it is limited to only people going to mexico. I would invite friends that you want there! A lot of people do the whole mom's, aunts, etc. But my b'ette was my friends only & that's the way I wanted it!! I think everyone invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower...but not the b-ette (IMO).

            #6 Soon To Be Mrs. Gomez

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              Posted 30 March 2009 - 02:16 PM

              I would ask your sister. I think its' okay. I usually help my family with planning my own parties because they don't always know who they should invite.

              #7 JaimeLynne

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                Posted 30 March 2009 - 02:19 PM

                I would mention it to her. I sent my MOH a little checklist I found online earlier on in the planning process and she flew with it.

                I am having a Bridal Shower which I'm inviting all the ladies (locally) who are invited to the wedding. This will be more of a "formal/family" type thing. But my friends are also invited.

                I sent my MOH/BMs a list of ppl to invite to the shower and put an asterisk next to the names of girls who would be invited to BOTH (bach. party too). So only about half of them will be invited to the bach. party. It will be a lingerie party and we'll probably hit a strip club afterward so definitely didn't want family attending that!

                Oh, and I did make sure that everyone who was invited to either party was already on the invite list for MX. I didn't want to invite "acquaintance" type friends who might feel left out that they weren't invited to the wedding! We are going to have a big AHR after the wedding and invite everyone to that.

                ~ Jaime & Martin ~
                "Rain or Swine! 2-0-0-9"

                We had 24 people attend our wedding in Las Caletas, Mexico on May 24th, 2009!

                We all stayed at The Marriott in P.V., and Honeymooned at The Royal Plantation in Ochos Rios, Jamaica!


                #8 Betsy

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                  Posted 30 March 2009 - 02:57 PM

                  Yamille, almost the exact same thing happened to me! Well I had a bridal party, but my si was my MOH, and I didn't think I wanted a bach party at first either............just like you! SO I called my sister one afternoon and the convo was kind of like
                  me "Hey ummmmm I don't want to sound wierd or anything but were you gonna plan a bach party or anything?"
                  her"OMG I totally need to I'm sooo sorry what do you want to do? Just tell me and I'll plan it"
                  SO it was kind of funny in the end and all worked out!! We had a co-ed bachelor/bachelorette party on a party bus, it was super fun and went to bars and around the towns that we lived in - just an idea, don't know if you FI is having a bach party of his own! Anyways kinda long story but the point is - just call her!!!

                  #9 yamille

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                    Posted 30 March 2009 - 04:16 PM

                    Well it's nice to know i am not alone on this.
                    I love you girls!

                    #10 boscobel

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                      Posted 30 March 2009 - 04:22 PM

                      I would just ask her, but I have never been to a bachelorette party that was all the females invited to the weddding. Usually it's just close friends, or sometimes friends of friends. But I would just mention it, like, I know I am usually so low-key, but I was really hoping we could do a bachelorette party, had you already thought of that? Or something equally non-chalant.




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