Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
leogurl

Bridesmaid Issues, Please help!

Recommended Posts

Sorry, but this will be long...

 

I really wanted my FI's twin sister to be a bridesmaid. We've been good friends for over 4 years, and she's the reason I met my FI in the first place. Plus, my FI is very close with her and very protective (they are a hispanic family, culturally hispanic families are very close). Besides my maid of honor, there is no one else I really want in my wedding. On New Year's Eve, she shared with me that she had just found out she's pregnant and did not share this news with her family. Reason being, her family has never met the father(nor have I), they would not like the father because he's black(they are pretty racist and think all black guys are "players"), and have basically been supporting her because of the financial mess she is in. Regardless of color, this guy has been a JERK to her in the past. She is naively, super happy about the pregnancy (I think she's crazy, but I am supportive since I know her family will not be, especially my FI), and she recently let her family members know (at about 10 weeks). My FI is so disappointed and angry he will not even talk to her. He told me that I really need to double check with her that she is still planning on being in the wedding. I thought, "of course she is, she agreed to be a bridesmaid after already knowing about the pregnancy". But, sometimes she does not think, and she is financially irresponsible, so I thought I better bring it up. I pointed out to her how much it will cost, how much it will be for a baby, how hard it will be to leave her baby home or take her baby to Mexico at 6 months old. And then she was like "good point, I didn't even think about that". And I was just thinking OMG, who doesn't think about that, I mean really! So she said she needed to converse with baby's daddy, and basically he said "no", and she was just fine with that. So now she's not even going to the wedding. Of course my FI and their older brother were p.o.'ed, as are her parents.

 

So here's the BM part I need help with. My FI has a total of 4 groomsmen. I already had problems thinking of 3 when his sis was in the wedding. I currently have 2 people I've asked to be in the wedding (my BFF and my FI's brother's fiance). I have one more friend I am definitely going to ask, and I know she'll say yes. But the issue for me is, do I just find someone else because FI's sister bailed; do I just have 3 while he has 4; do I tell FI's sister how I feel and ask her to reconsider even though she already knows how disappointed I am; or any other suggestions. If I ask a 4th person, I am planning on asking my FI's cousin even though we aren't real close. She's around my age, she's really cool, and she lives in the town with the rest of my FI's family where we will have our huge Mexican cultural AHR. She would be a great help. The only problem is we're not close. I am an only child, am not close with my family besides my mom, and I moved to Oregon 4+ years ago and do not have any really good female friends outside of my FI's sister and the girls I've already asked. Any suggestions? Thanks so much.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear about your family drama. Hopefully your future SIL will get everything figured out.

 

Have you considered just sticking with your two BMs and leaving it at that? You don't have to match up the each GM to a BM especially when doing a DW.

 

I'm only having 2 BMs and FI is having 5 GM. I just wanted my two best friends from college and he wanted more. I told him go ahead.

 

Just don't feel like you have to ask people you are not close to. Your BMs are supposed to be there to support during the engagement and then after you're married as well.

 

Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Honestly, I would go with the 3/4 combo. It's okay to not have the same amount of bridesmaids and groomsmen.

if you are concerned about walking down the aisle, maybe the best man and the groom walk down together and then the other three escort the ladies? or one of the guys escorts the mothers down the aisle?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess the main problem is how to cancel having a bridal party without coming off as obviously angry with them. I realize that you ARE angry with them, but you're not going to want them at your wedding feeling bitter b/c it will just create a lot of drama.

 

If you have had someone mention dropping out you could maybe use that as an excuse to have a meeting with them, and just say something like "it doesn't seem like everyone is interested in being in the bridal party, so I'm considering just canceling it altogether and making it easier on everyone...what do you think?" Even if they DO really want to be BMs still, it'll at least get some communication going and maybe they'll start doing a better job if you decide to keep them.

 

Anyways, good luck! I've been blessed with awesome BMS, but I've had some other wedding drama (MiL troubles etc) and I can empathize with how miserable it makes planning what's supposed to be a happy event sad.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess the main problem is how to cancel having a bridal party without coming off as obviously angry with them. I realize that you ARE angry with them, but you're not going to want them at your wedding feeling bitter b/c it will just create a lot of drama.

 

If you have had someone mention dropping out you could maybe use that as an excuse to have a meeting with them, and just say something like "it doesn't seem like everyone is interested in being in the bridal party, so I'm considering just canceling it altogether and making it easier on everyone...what do you think?" Even if they DO really want to be BMs still, it'll at least get some communication going and maybe they'll start doing a better job if you decide to keep them.

 

Anyways, good luck! I've been blessed with awesome BMS, but I've had some other wedding drama (MiL troubles etc) and I can empathize with how miserable it makes planning what's supposed to be a happy event sad.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I say you should just leave it uneven. If you really want FSIL then I would wait and talk to her about it after baby. Some women can easily leave their baby and some just can't. I have a hard time leaving mine so FI and I can just have dinner once a month and she's 10 months old! She really has alot going on, and you're emotions are everywhere, etc. Plus w/ he JERK of a man and family drama no offense but thinking about your wedding probably isn't a priority. Definitely don't just ask someone so you have another one. BM's should be the girls (or guys in some cases) who you are closest w/ and have to be a part of your big day.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with the girls that have said that u should just leave it uneven. I don't think that u should ask someone just to ask them. Not to mention that asking someone your not close to to spend all the money to be a bridesmaid may not go over well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  


  • Best Destination Wedding Sponsors



    Facebook Pinterest Google+ Twitter
  • Posts

    • I have stayed at Dreams La Romana and Dreams Dominicus.  The two resorts are very different in style and decor. A few comparison points are below and fact sheets are attached for both.   Both resorts are approx 45 minutes from Punta Cana airport, close proximity to Saona Island, Catalina Island and Altos de Chavon. Top championship golf courses in the Caribbean are just minutes away including Teeth of the Dog, Dye Fore, The Links and La Estancia – all designed by world-famous Pete Dye. Restaurants are similar at both resorts.  Both offer the Explorers Club for Kids.  Dreams Dominicus  Brand new resort and in 2016 488 rooms (however additional construction was underway) More contemporary style & decor Good beach area Rooms were very nice Preferred Club located in main lobby and adjacent to main pool & beach front Food was good Center plaza area with nighttime entertainment Main lobby is small, but outdoor bar off lobby is nice Dreams La Romana Originally built in 2003 & opened as Dreams La Romana in 2008 756 rooms Recently renovated and new preferred club adults only lounge & pool added  Rooms are more traditional Caribbean decor Grounds are very lush and tropical Good beach area food was good    Dreams Dominicus fact sheet.pdf Dreams La Romana fact sheet.pdf
    • My sister has done it but with the destination wedding, only super close family members and friends came since it was expensive and farther. It was great though.
    • Thanks! I had it printed out. Very useful!!
    • Hello Guys, Are you looking for affordable wedding venue, reception halls, party rentals, outdoor event venue, birthday party venue in mobile al.  Choose Anne-Marie Cottage for your special occasion. Our cottage is an affordable venue for your intimate wedding.   Thank u 
    • Flower girl dresses tend to follow the latest trends in bridal party and thanks for sharing Great website that provide  good collection & services with affordable price .
  • Topics

×