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You should be more social.....WTF?!?

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18 replies to this topic

#1 KAMAY11

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  • 456 posts

    Posted 23 January 2009 - 06:00 PM

    I am having one of "THOSE" days.........

    Background story-Before xmas i had my review and it went quite well....The one thing my boss told me to work on was being more social. Now, when I was hired to do my job the project i took on completely limits my interaction with my co-workers. That being said, I do still manage to go for coffee with some girls and I have befriended some people in other departments. I am a very shy person-until i get to know someone, and then I am quite outgoing. I am easily intimidated by people and that is a barrier that I try to get over daily. I am also the type of person who gets so focused on my work and deadlines that I don't WANT to talk to people some days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like to come to work, do my job and then leave. If i make friends during that time, then great!!!

    So yesterday my boss comes in my office and makes small talk with me and then asks if I've "gotten a chance to go around and talk to people?" Whcih I haven't-according to his standards that I should....

    I don't WANT to go in to peoples' offices and sit down and interrupt them and talk about nothing!!! I feel that I am very friendly to people, say hi and make stupid small talk in the elevators etc. I'm not a total bitch!!! The girls in my group are very clickey(sp?) and I know they look at me like I'm standoffish.

    I'm just frustrated....am i here to work, or socialize??!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    D & K
    October 16th, 2008-Riu Palace Cabo San Lucas


    #2 boscobel

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    • 24,213 posts

      Posted 23 January 2009 - 06:05 PM

      I totally get were you are coming from. I have been in my job for 8 years or so and for every evaluation, I get a great review as well as a great (for the University) raise. But it always ends with, I could be more outgoing. I have been here long enough that I pretty much tell my boss exactly what I think and I told her that I get the job done and talk to the people that I like. I am not a bitch (bitch = mean), but I am probably more then a little standoffish. I don't really like small talk. I think it's a waste of time.

      I don't have any advice for you, except act how you want to act. As long as you are professional and it isn't interfering with your job or networking. Your boss needs to understand that we aren't all cookie-cutter with the same outgoing personality.

      #3 lil_miss_frogg

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      • 826 posts

        Posted 23 January 2009 - 06:10 PM

        OH....I am totally with you on this one! I come to work to do my job....not to make friends! I do have a couple of older ladies (early 60's...I'm 25) that I hang out with on lunch from time to time. But nothing more then that. People think I'm crazy for not trying to befriend others...but I have my own friends outside of work. I really could care less about these people. The managers have favorites and those are their "go to guys" so I don't even try. It's not worth my time! So I say screw your boss and keep doing what you're doing!
        My Babies
        "Love isn't about finding a perfect person,
        it's seeing an imperfect person perfectly!"

        #4 Chanti

        • Jr. Member
        • 310 posts

          Posted 23 January 2009 - 06:16 PM

          I agree... My co-workers are also clique-y and it sometimes feels like I'm in high school again (which wasn't fun for me the first time around so I have no interest in revisiting that!). Wow the gossip that goes on.... yikes!!!

          I actually prefer focussing on friendships outside of work, for various reasons. The most obvious reason to me is that I prefer, on my own time, to talk about non-work related issues. Also, I don't like it when people come chit chat with me while I'm trying to get my work done so I try and respect the right of others to work in peace. I can't believe your boss is giving you grief about all this!

          #5 jajajaja

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            Posted 23 January 2009 - 06:24 PM

            Wow- I had the exact opposite experience. My boss told me in a review that "I know too many people" haha. Ok sorry I've worked here for 8 years and people like me....
            I think she may have been trying to say I'm too social, but seriously, she's crazy so I took that with a grain of salt.

            Soo hmm...did your boss clarify why he wants you to be more "social?" Are people in the office intimidated to talk to you? Does he want you to be more approachable?
            Happily married since 2008

            #6 KAMAY11

            • Jr. Member
            • 456 posts

              Posted 23 January 2009 - 06:25 PM

              Thanks girls!! At least i know i'm not the only one who feels small talk is a complete waste of time!

              Chanti-I can't believe he's giving me grief about this either...not to mention the fact that he came to my office and specifically asked if i've talked to other people.

              Give me a break!!!
              D & K
              October 16th, 2008-Riu Palace Cabo San Lucas


              #7 FutureMrsLewis

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              • 583 posts

                Posted 23 January 2009 - 08:04 PM

                As long as you're getting the job done, I don't see how or why it matters. In my opinion, being too "chatty" (not too friendly) would make you LESS productive. If you're stopping for 5 minute conversations with everyone you pass in the hall, that's 5 minutes taken away from your work time AND theirs, kwim?

                Now like Rachel said, if it's a "She's not approachable" issue, then that's different. FI had a similar issue because he's a security guard and is 6'8", 350 lbs, and of native descent, so he looks somewhat intimidating, but he just smiles and makes small talk with the employees and now they all know he's a teddy bear. I say just nicely ask your boss why he wants you to be more social, and explain that you feel like you are already socializing at an acceptable level. It's not like you're the loner stuffed in the corner who doesn't talk or say Hi to anyone, you've actually befriended a few co-workers. What more does he want?

                #8 SunBride

                • Sr. Member
                • 1,499 posts

                  Posted 23 January 2009 - 10:06 PM

                  wow, I can't believe your boss is on your case about this! As long as you are polite and friendly they can't ask for anything more.

                  #9 kevsgirl

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                  • 1,209 posts

                    Posted 23 January 2009 - 11:48 PM

                    That was my old boss's solution to me being bullied by a co-worker last year. instead of standing up for me and making the girl stop (she was friends with her - there wer about 3 of them who let her talk about me and be mean to me), she told me I needed to get to know peoplel more and be more social, essentially to 'protect' myself. WTF?

                    I agree, as long as it's not some weird thing like this or that people are talking badly about you because they're misinterpreting your shyness, just go about things thew ay you do.

                    #10 Hartyt509

                    • Sr. Member
                    • 2,262 posts

                      Posted 24 January 2009 - 08:08 AM

                      Ignore him lol I had one boss tell me I was too chatty! I had to walk through 4 offices to get to my attic where i was on my own ALL the time lol so I said ok and I used to walk through the door say hello, go into my office lock the door and put my headphones on lol apparently that was acceptable!!

                      You can't win with some people as long as your work is done ignore him bugger all he can do to you lol

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