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FMIL Christmas Rudeness . . . I have had it!!


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#31 luvtoteachlaw

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    Posted 31 December 2008 - 12:36 PM

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Emily&Matt
    I think you and your fiance should talk about how you are going to handle her, for your wedding and for your life together. Let her stay wherever she wants for your wedding and if the step-sister doesn't like the BM dress, then she can decide not to be in your wedding. Tell them the way things are and let them decide whether or not they want to participate, but you don't have to change your plans to accommodate their plans.
    Speaking of the bridesmaid dress, I had given FMIL the catelog and ordered a swatch card for her and left it at her home when we visited in the beginning of December. She told me that her daughter would look at it when she is home from college for Christmas.

    So when I was there at Christmas, she told me that I better get a dress picked out because her daughter was leaving with her the next morning. I asked for the catelog and she looked at me like I was crazy. She said, "You didn't give anything to me, I don't know what you are talking about". I then explain what exactly I am looking for and sister in law says, "Oh, it's in mom's room. She wouldn't let me have it in my room because she said it was too messy."

    Her control issues are unbelieveably ridiculous!!!!

    #32 missdanelle

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      Posted 31 December 2008 - 12:43 PM

      wow... im so sorry that you have to deal with this lady, she is whacko. Alot of us on here can relate to you on this one unfortunately. It just makes us love our FI more!

      #33 luvtoteachlaw

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        Posted 31 December 2008 - 01:32 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by missdanelle
        wow... im so sorry that you have to deal with this lady, she is whacko. Alot of us on here can relate to you on this one unfortunately. It just makes us love our FI more!
        I am happy to have this forum to vent with others who I know have similar issues. My fiancee can only listen to so much about it. He feels bad enough as it is and I don't like to make him feel worse by going over this time and time again. I think we have gotten even closer going through this kind of crap; he is the best and very protective of me and us as a couple. I love him!

        #34 DanielleNDerek

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          Posted 31 December 2008 - 02:40 PM

          she really is a bitch. i really hope she sees the error in her ways but it seems doubtful
          ***Married November 6, 2008***Gavin Born February 28th, 2010***
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          #35 Hartyt509

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            Posted 01 January 2009 - 11:07 AM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by luvtoteachlaw
            I totally agree. And she has been dead 25 years.

            One of the worst things I can remember of FMIL's antics is one evening at dinner with fiancee, fiancee's brother, FFIL and me. FMIL had been drinking, and there was discussion about buying cemetary plots (of all things, fiancee and I had just been to his mom's grave that day to plant flowers there). FMIL makes a comment that she and his dad need to buy plots together to which FFIL responded, "We will get around to that". She then said, "You had better do it, because you aren't going to go and lay next to Phyllis!" (finacee mom). It was beyond bizzare and uncomfortable. My private thoughts at the time were that I hope FMIL died first because I actually do think FFIL would want to be buried next to his first wife (fiancee's mom ).
            Oh I'd fix her for that lol Do him a new will, make others the executors, ie her kids, and put it in as a term that unless he is buried next to phyllis she gets bugger all lol that will totally screw with her lmao

            #36 Sapphire723

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              Posted 01 January 2009 - 04:04 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by luvtoteachlaw
              I totally agree. And she has been dead 25 years.

              One of the worst things I can remember of FMIL's antics is one evening at dinner with fiancee, fiancee's brother, FFIL and me. FMIL had been drinking, and there was discussion about buying cemetary plots (of all things, fiancee and I had just been to his mom's grave that day to plant flowers there). FMIL makes a comment that she and his dad need to buy plots together to which FFIL responded, "We will get around to that". She then said, "You had better do it, because you aren't going to go and lay next to Phyllis!" (finacee mom). It was beyond bizzare and uncomfortable. My private thoughts at the time were that I hope FMIL died first because I actually do think FFIL would want to be buried next to his first wife (fiancee's mom ).
              On one hand, I can understand how this woman would be super sad because her husband is never going to love her as much as his first wife. It's like she feels she has to always compete with someone who has been immortalized in his family's eyes. Coming in second place all the time has got to hurt.

              On the other hand, she's being a complete bitch and nothing excuses that.

              #37 luvtoteachlaw

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                Posted 01 January 2009 - 06:49 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Sapphire723
                On one hand, I can understand how this woman would be super sad because her husband is never going to love her as much as his first wife. It's like she feels she has to always compete with someone who has been immortalized in his family's eyes. Coming in second place all the time has got to hurt.

                On the other hand, she's being a complete bitch and nothing excuses that.
                I agree that it has to be difficult to be 2nd place, and both fiancee and I have tried to put her past behavior into context given these kinds of issues. That is part of the reason why we haven't pulled back from the situation until this most recent encounter. But all this wedding planning has pushed her over the edge and resulted in extreme bitchiness for reasons that I will never understand.

                On the other hand, this woman chose this situation. From what I have heard from extended family, she was even hitting on FFIL at my fiancee's mom's wake. She wanted to get married to his dad ASAP (within 8 mo.), and had to wait a year only because the priest would not agree to marry them given the fact that he had just done the funeral mass for finacee's mom.

                She also insisted that they move to a new house and use all her household items because she didn't like fiancee's mom's style. She basically got rid of all the home things that they owned because her view was that they weren't "good enough". So my fiancee and his 8 year old brother not only lost their mom, but also everything that was familiar to them. With this kind of behavior, she sets herself up for being regarded as 2nd best, IMO.

                I used to feel sorry for her, now I am just pissed off because this does make things much more difficult as if planning a destination wedding isn't stressful enough.

                #38 Nicolem82580

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                  Posted 01 January 2009 - 09:19 PM

                  All i can really say is.............. WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!

                  #39 Emily&Matt

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                    Posted 05 January 2009 - 04:34 PM

                    Another thing you can do to try to keep her control issues under YOUR control is to put a time deadline on the things you talk to her about. Make sure she hears you and confirm it with a letter or email to her, for example: "I absolutely have to know by Jan 31 if your daughter is going to wear the catalog dress". If you don't let me know by then, I won't be able to order it and she won't be in the wedding.

                    That way, again, it's up to her to take some action and if she doesn't, she's up a creek without a paddle and it's NOT your fault because you clearly told her what you needed from her.

                    #40 melissaheist

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                      Posted 05 January 2009 - 05:11 PM

                      Wow....I have to be honest she is the problem not you...I know in some cases it is so negative that you can't help to feel rotten. Don't let her do this to you! She has the problem, show her you are a more mature person than she is!




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