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Why get married? Marriage vs. Common-law

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#11 Ayita

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    Posted 30 December 2008 - 07:39 PM

    In TX you have to live together (can be as short as 1 week), present yourself as married, and "agree to be married" (ie if your man presents you as your wife and you say : actually not, we're just living together, it's not working).

    Of course proving a common law marriage if you're in one is super difficult, as well as denying it if you're living together since 10 years, have kids and a common bank account !

    I always looked at marriage with suspicion. I guess if I was living in France, with a French guy, I would probably not be there planning my first fitting... I do not need legal bounds to feel and be committed to a long-term relationship.

    Anyway, for me marriage is a must if I want to stay in the States with my sweetheart. My visa can only be renewed once, for 2 years, and then nothing - it's on my company and therefore, is not convertible in a green card even if my company would sponsor me.

    For my FI it's in his values - he wants to be married, start a family ; for him marriage means something more than just being together, he wants to take the vows, really. So I guess that's two good reasons.

    The other thing is, if you're in a common law marriage no chance to make a pre-nup... the lawyer in me that speaks .

    In France they have this concept now - the PACS - it's like a marriage but without being one, meaning that anybody can get pacsed, including gay couples or just roommates !! It organizes the common life but you don't have to go through divorce when you split up... I understand it when you're not a straight couple, but if you are, I always thought it was strange going through PACS, it's like : let's do something together, but keep the door opened, just in case. I think I would just live with my guy - or get married. But it's an interesting tool !

    #12 lil_miss_frogg

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      Posted 30 December 2008 - 07:43 PM

      Originally Posted by IslamoradaBride
      Georgia doesn't recognize common-law either, so we definitely have to make it legal. I've always wanted a big party anyhow!
      Where in Georgia are you located? It would be nice to arrange a Atlanta BDW get together....drinks or something!
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      #13 ACDCDCAC

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      Posted 30 December 2008 - 09:19 PM

      idk if WA recognizes common law anymore, it used to be 7 yrs i think. so for me there was no decision to make, it was will you marry me? yes!, we didnt really have the thought of whether or not to be married or something else. doug and i were registered as domestic partners in our county so that he could be on my work benefits prior to our engagement/marriage, while we were just "living in sin" haha

      #14 jen_trev

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        Posted 02 January 2009 - 10:57 AM

        Originally Posted by BeautifulBridetoBe
        That's interesting.

        In Ontario, to be legally recognized you must cohabit in a conjugal relationship for 1 year.
        Ive been with FH for 4 years (5 years in Feb!) so basically common law for 4 years as we are from Ontario. For me marriage is a big step, sure living in sin is great *grin* but I want that one step futher.

        #15 Positanobride10

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          Posted 02 January 2009 - 11:15 AM

          All of the comments are interesting. I live in Virginia and this state does not recognize common law like a lot of other states do not. If Virginia did, my FH and I would be considered married but I would still want to celebrate with my family.

          #16 BeautifulBridetoBe

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            Posted 03 January 2009 - 11:32 AM

            For me, marriage is an commitment and decision communicated to God and the world that a man and a woman want to consecrate their relationship in a way that living common-law does not. It is a different step.

            I originally asked the question because a recent discussion with colleagues centered around this topic. Those recently married who had cohabited with their partners prior to getting married in Ontario said there was no real difference. As our law recognizes common-law after one year, I wondered why they got married...if there is no real difference. I believe the answer is because somewhere in it all, there is a difference and it mattered to one party or both or their families. For me, the difference is spiritual. I understand that not everyone shares this view of the difference....but there is a difference.

            From reading our comments, most of us seem to agree that marriage somehow differs from common-law...in a way that has nothing to do with legalities...but level of commitment.

            Thanks for the comments...:)

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            #17 Hartyt509

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              Posted 03 January 2009 - 12:34 PM

              Having been married before I can say it makes no differenc whatsoever. If you are going to get shit on married or not doesn't make a diff it just means its a bitch to get rid of the twat!!

              Having said that you also get their bloody debt, thats the lawyer in me lol

              I've lived with FI for 5 years and the only reason why we are getting married is because he is going somewhere hot with a high chance he'll get blown up and from a security point of view it makes sense as I will then get his pension and insurance and not his bloody mother who he hasn't lived with since he was 16.

              For me its not spiritual its practical. Having said that I can be a cold hearted cow but that comes with my job and marrying a squaddie lmao

              Married or not I'd still feel the same way about him

              #18 YoursTruly

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                Posted 03 January 2009 - 01:27 PM

                For me marriage is the level of commitment. If you truly are committed and want to put in the WORK and all this big step entails, then why not get married. For practicality purposes, why put in all that time, sweat, emotions and tears, physical stress (pregnancy) if at the end of the day, you have no entitlement/rewards whether living or in the death (God forbid) of your partner. If the commitement is there, then it would not be a big deal.....Interestingly enough it is really amazing that my gay friends want so badly to be married and us straight ones are more and more deciding not to get married. What is wrong with that picture and what does that say for the sanctity of marriage??

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