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Bridesmaid Vent - EEERRHHH!!!!!

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    Posted 27 March 2007 - 10:49 AM

    Okay, I don’t even know where to start with this so I apologize if it’s ends up long. I asked one of my good friends to be a bridesmaid as soon as I got engaged in December 2005 (16 months notice). She said right away she was going and was going to start saving money. I got a special group rate with the cruise line (I’m getting married in port in Jamaica) and had airfare included and the overnight hotel in Miami the first night before the cruise. She had all the info sent to her several times and still didn’t book. The special rates expired in February.

    As of this past December I knew she had no money saved, but said she was still going. She left the beginning of January for 12 week French program in France. I know she was considering it but she just left without letting me know. I sent her an email asking when she would be back and I didn’t get a response. My only correspondence with her was group emails to all our friends. I had the dresses picked out before she left and ordered them in January and got a size too big for her so she could get it taken in (b/c I didn’t have her measurements). But when she left she still didn’t have her trip booked. So she calls yesterday all pissed off because she had to pay more then she thought, the special rate airfare was sold out so she had to pay more for airfare and book her hotel separate. In all it will end up costing her approx. $800 more. So she calls…”Well, what am I going to do? Can I stay in the hotel the first night with you guys (Hello, it’s my wedding!!!)? How am I getting from the airport, I can’t afford a cab by myself it’s like $80!! So what do I do?” It was almost like she was waiting for me to say I’ll pay for it. Then she asked about the dresses, “What are we doing for dresses, what are we wearing?” So when I told her I have her but she’ll have to get it taken she reply’s “I don’t get back until April 8th, how much is this going to cost? Who’s going to do it? Are you going to make the arrangements for me? Etc…. My other bridesmaids have their dresses altered already.

    I’m pisssed!!!! I never heard from her all winter, last week I didn’t even know if she was even going!!! Now she’s all snotty over the price, her dress etc. The reason she has to pay more is her own fault and she’s making me feel bad and that I should do something about it. I have enough to do besides get her straightened out. The other bridesmaids are ticked because she hasn’t been involved in helping at all and never bothered to get in touch with them. I’m afraid of confronting her because I don’t want to make the week uncomfortable for everyone. AAAHHHH!!!!! Okay I feel a little better now, I needed a good vent.

    #2 TammyB

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      Posted 27 March 2007 - 10:53 AM

      Wow, I'd tell her not to come. You don't need that stress and it sounds like she's going to be a downer the whole time anyway.

      I really wish people would start to think of someone other then themselves once in awhile.

      #3 LadyP

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        Posted 27 March 2007 - 10:55 AM

        Breathe it will be ok. If she is in the wedding fine. If she is not in the wedding fine. the day is not about her. It is about you. So dont stress Stupid ( not your friend but the situation).

        #4 CourtneyV

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          Posted 27 March 2007 - 11:01 AM

          I agree! Clearly it is more work, money and stress to have her there. She can save her "efforts" and stay home. A good friend should have your best interests at heart for your wedding day, and she clearly doesn't.
          Happily Married since May 9, 2008
          Proud Mama to Evelyn Eileen since June 8, 2010

          #5 MikkiStreak

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            Posted 27 March 2007 - 11:29 AM

            Totally agree with everyone else--- put it back on her and tell her something like, 'since you didn't book in time for the special and didn't get enough money saved up to cover the additional expenses, I'll have someone else take your place in the wedding so that we're not as much of a financial burden on you.'
            It will make her look like the ass she's being....

            #6 Mishi

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            Posted 27 March 2007 - 11:34 AM

            I agree, I have found myself practically begging my family to come and that is rediculous. She should be asking what she can do for you not the other way around..."Ask not what the bride can do for you, but what you can do for your bride!" It is times like this that you find out who your "real" friends are, and 9 times out of 10 it will surprise you.

            #7 Rachelle E.

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              Posted 27 March 2007 - 11:42 AM

              ..."Ask not what the bride can do for you, but what you can do for your bride!"
              Love it!

              Honestly though...what a pain! If nothing else, refer her to your TA or another BM/MOH for questions like that. She should not be harassing you about this crap...that's why you have a wedding party...so they can do this stuff for you! :-)

              #8 REBECCA

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                Posted 27 March 2007 - 11:55 AM

                Okay, I am having a major flashback with this story. I have a "bridesmaid vent" posted on this forum from last year. One of my bridesmaids did the exact same thing!!! I gave her 11 months notice to start saving. She came on my site trip visit with me and afterwards, she loved the place, was telling me that the price was good and she was excited.

                When airfare dropped, I told all of my friends to hurry and book. She lolly-gagged and of course missed the good price. Finally we had a blow out 3 months before the wedding because she finally realized that it was just around the corner and she hadn't saved a dime. She complained that it was costing so much money and that I should have budgeted to pay for more for the bridesmaids. And thatI should at least pay for the dresses! She also proceeded to get upset that I didn;t even ask her if she liked the bridesmaid dress before I picked it out! Then, the finale was when she asked that if she wasn't able to go to Mexico, would I still have had the wedidng in Cabo?? I laughed and screamed YES! Then she was so upset, she hung up on me. Finally during the "make up phase" she apologized and said she understood and that some people (like me) are just more materialistic than others when it comes to these things. That the convenience of the guest would be more important to her, and the location is more importtant to me. Yes, my mouth dropped. I was like THIS is your apology!

                Sorry for the major highjack but the moral here is that usually every bride has one. Either a family member or a bridesmaid that thinks that this wedding is about them. You have to ignore these people & try not to let it get you down. Focus on the people that are really happy for you. As far as her role in the wedding, I personally would give her an "out". I wished my BM had just backed out, because it was no secret how she felt about the inconveience I was putting on her and there is still bitterness to this day. More incidents happened after, but I won't bore you.

                Alexander & Juliette - Born 3/15/09</center>

                #9 BayBug

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                  Posted 27 March 2007 - 12:39 PM

                  Man that really sucks. I have set myself up mentally for all this. If my BM can not make it, that is fine. No big deal. I told her about it when I first got engaged (6 months ago). If she has no money, no hard feelings.
                  You really need to tell you BM that she doesn't have to go and that you will be okay with her not there. You seriously don't need that stress.

                  #10 bride2be

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                    Posted 27 March 2007 - 06:00 PM

                    I know this has been said a few times now - but the fact is you gave her LOTS of notice and opportunity to book the trip to get a savings. She needs to take responsibilities for her actions and realize that this is just not your problem! I'm sorry you have to go through this while planning your wedding. My dilemma is even asking a wedding party because I don't want anyone to feel obligated to spend the money to come. I have already had to tell a few people that were complaining about price that when we decided we wanted a destination wedding we decided that we would be okay with the fact that not everyone special to us would not be able to make it. It is tough because obviously this is a dear friend to you (who is acting like a horse's ass) and you cared enough about her to ask her to be a special part of your special day. I don't think there is any right or wrong answer here.

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