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We need a sub-forum just for family problems... (Warning: LONG!)


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#11 cheese_diva

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    Posted 25 September 2008 - 06:06 PM

    I haven't read the other responses but sounds like you need to choose your family.. either you'll continue torturing yourself trying to please your parents or choose your new family.. you and Marc. Your husband will need you to make a decision.. What happens if you have kids and they treat your kids that way? I would suggest reading the book by Dr. Laura "Ten Stupid Things Couples do to Mess up Their Relationships".. might help you get over your issues with your family and have a happy life with your new hubby without the guilt.
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    #12 FutureMrsLewis

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      Posted 25 September 2008 - 06:07 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by KLC77
      Well, I haven't read anybody else's responses, but here's what I think. Sometimes you need to eliminate negative people from your life. And unfortunately sometimes those people are related to you.
      That's what FI's Mom keeps telling me, she eliminated her sister from her life last year after years and YEARS of horrible treatment, and doesn't want to see me go through the same thing. It's hard to think about not having them around, but it's even harder to think about keeping them in my life with them acting this way... My mental health is deteriorating SO much, and I don't need them bringing me down constantly or else I'm never going to get any better

      #13 TTla

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        Posted 25 September 2008 - 06:09 PM

        [QUOTE=KLC77;551319]You can only control your own actions and reactions. QUOTE]

        That is exactly right. All that saddness and anger comes from wishing things were different. Tell them whatever you need to, but don't expect them to change. Eventually you'll figure out what you need to do for YOU. Good luck.

        #14 FutureMrsLewis

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          Posted 25 September 2008 - 06:10 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by cheese_diva
          I haven't read the other responses but sounds like you need to choose your family.. either you'll continue torturing yourself trying to please your parents or choose your new family.. you and Marc. Your husband will need you to make a decision.. What happens if you have kids and they treat your kids that way? I would suggest reading the book by Dr. Laura "Ten Stupid Things Couples do to Mess up Their Relationships".. might help you get over your issues with your family and have a happy life with your new hubby without the guilt.
          Oh GOD! If I was to have kids with this crap going on, they'd grow up to resent their grandparents just like I resent my father's parents. We don't talk anymore, and I severed ties with them last year after they drove past my house to visit my cousin and didn't stop in to see me numerous times and then freaked because I wasn't home to answer their phonecall once. I know that my parents would be the same type of grandparents, and I don't want my children growing up with that. And I'm definitely going to have a look at that book, I love reading. One thing that takes my mind off real life lol

          #15 Nitnylyin1

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            Posted 25 September 2008 - 10:31 PM

            I am sorry that you have to deal with something like this at a time when you're supposed to be happy. I can kind of relate. My parents are still married, unhappily. My mother has been miserable her entire marriage and therefore has little faith in the whole institution. She shows little interest in my whole wedding planning thing. She seemed to care less when I announced my engagement. It's very disappointing. She's always told me growing up to not get married and I'd be better off single...What a nice thing to tell your daughter from the time she was young. So hang in there. Keep your sanity, don't let these naysayers who happen to be your unsupportive parents get in the way. Your old enough to make your own decisions and don't need their approval. Continue your planning and be a better person then they are when you have your own kids.

            #16 kate.com

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              Posted 25 September 2008 - 11:47 PM

              OK, so how are you going to ACT on the confronting?
              A letter? In person?
              I recommend one of these two- phone conversations are nasty! If in person totally freaks you out, start with the letter. If they call you after, and it starts to go south, you need to set a date to discuss things in person. People need time to react, and my predication is that it probably won't be pretty. Be prepared for that, and hopefully it will go better than you think.
              God bless Marc for being supportive and not shooting back! That takes a strong man... he's a keeper!
              Good luck.

              #17 Tara

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                Posted 26 September 2008 - 12:59 AM

                I agree with everyone else. The person that you need to worry about first and foremost is yourself because no one else is going to. Be your own number 1. If they can't put aside whatever feelings they have towards your fi for the sake of their own child, that is a mistake that they are going to regret someday. It's hard to write people off. I have had trouble with my mother since I was a child, but it's a very different situation. All I can say is that eventually, maybe not even now or soon, but somewhere down the line you are going to make the decision that is best for you and everyone else will realize how wrong they were. Hopefully when this happens you will all be able to make amends and resolve your conflicts, but sometimes people realize their mistakes too late. I hope that this does not happen with your parents. Best of luck. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

                #18 trophywife

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                  Posted 26 September 2008 - 01:21 AM

                  DF parents and me just didn't get along for almost a year. I wasn't welcomed in their home, and I just didn't care. Why would I enter someone's home that I didn't get along with?? Just didn't make sense. Anyways, I stood my ground and wasn't going to let them run our love through the ground. DF stood beside me showing the world that I am his and he is mine and we're not going anywhere. We were going to continue to love each other and be together forever. I never went to his family's house and he rarely was there too. They soon realized they were losing their son because he would rather be with me at my place and with my positive family rather than being there, so almost a year later they invited me to dinner and as time passed we worked things through and now his family loves me and I adore them. (all while walking on egg shells though) And things are great, I believe us working through this hard time has really made us all as a family stronger.

                  I know things are rough sweetie. But don't let anyone get in the way of your love. You two are going to be so wonderful together!! I wish you two nothing but the best!! Times are rough but I know things will get easier for you!! Congrats!!

                  #19 Hartyt509

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                    Posted 26 September 2008 - 08:28 AM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by FutureMrsLewis
                    It's almost literally "across the pond" lol All I know is Marconi was able to send the first wireless signal from Cornwall (I think) to Signal Hill here in St. John's lol And that was apparently 3500 km's lol As for a flight, you've gotta go through Toronto or Halifax first I think, which is stupid because you have to fly over Newfoundland, then fly back lol My cousin has to do that from Norway every year, fly to Toronto then fly back to St. John's or Gander
                    Ok how about I get a flight straight from Newcastle to Toronto and take my parachute and bail out over newfoundland lol I'll come prepared with my knuckle dusters etc lmao

                    #20 beachbride08

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                      Posted 26 September 2008 - 08:35 AM

                      I think you need to sit down with your parents and have it out. Lay everything on the table about how you are feeling, and be prepared to walk away from them and keep them out of your life if they don't change their ways. Even if they don't like your FI, they should keep their comments and rude behavior towards him to themselves and just learn to get along for your sake. You don't need people like that in your life especially if they are putting you in the hospital - parents or not, that is not healthy!
                      Michelle




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