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Mother has problem with non-christian ceremony. HELP!!


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#11 EricaG

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    Posted 15 August 2008 - 01:01 PM

    I am so glad that your sister is helping you out on this matter. It is really too bad, but you and your FI need to do what you want to do. Don't let anyone else tell you what to do for your own wedding, otherwise it is everyone else's wedding and not yours. I do agree that if you want to compromise, you can do the blessing afterwards, but that is only if you want too. I am sure that your Mom will eventually accept your marriage no matter how you do it.
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    #12 Chiquita

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      Posted 15 August 2008 - 01:04 PM

      Well I agree with what everyone else has said. It's yours and FI's wedding.. no one elses. You have to do what YOU guys want.. not what your parents want. And I'm completely against someone forcing their own religion onto someone else. They should respect your decisions and choices.

      I'm sure it will all work out in the end.. especially with your very supportive sister :)

      #13 jajajaja

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        Posted 15 August 2008 - 01:20 PM

        Carla- I have a question. So what if your mom considers you not married? In the big picture, how does what your mom thinks change your relationship with your FI?

        I think this is an area where you should never compromise. This is the vows you are making to your FI and it doesn't really matter who else validates it as long as he does. :) I think you would really regret altering your wedding ceremony to suite your mother especially when you use the term "hate" to describe your views on the religion you were raised in.
        Happily married since 2008

        #14 Davematthews16

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          Posted 15 August 2008 - 01:21 PM

          I'm sorry you are having to deal with this too If you FORCE yourself to have a ceremony JUST because your mother wants you to, you will be miserable and will regret it. It's "silly" to say you won't consider someone married unless it's the way YOU want. Like others said, I'm sure she'll get over it! I know it's tough because it's your OWN mother, but trust me over time it will all smooth out!

          #15 adias.angel

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            Posted 15 August 2008 - 01:55 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by LC_Rachel
            Carla- I have a question. So what if your mom considers you not married? In the big picture, how does what your mom thinks change your relationship with your FI?
            I think that is a great question. I had to stop and really think about that and you are right! It won't change a thing. Oh I am sooooo telling her that next time she brings it up.

            #16 lambert13

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              Posted 15 August 2008 - 02:24 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by adias.angel
              My mother emails this morning to let me know that she won't consider us married unless it is in a Christan Ceremony!!!
              So, live in 'sin', make little heathen babies and howl at the moon and worship a goat!

              Fuck that. That is blackmail and anyone who is 'religious' and a good christian would not want to use intimidation, fear, blackmail and threats to get you to do what they want. In the name of 'god' of course.

              I do not think you should have to do anything you don't want to just to appease someone or any group of people. It is not their fucking wedding!! The only thing that should matter on that day is you and your husband. Not what other people want you to do. People get so asshole-ish when it comes to weddings. Do this, do that, I don't like chicken, it's too hot, I can't wear blue, invite my friend, don't invite that person, blah blah blah blah. It's downright selfish and rude. People always try to make things about themselves instead of being happy and considerate of other people.

              "So how do you really feel about this Jason"

              #17 jajajaja

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                Posted 15 August 2008 - 03:59 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by adias.angel
                I think that is a great question. I had to stop and really think about that and you are right! It won't change a thing. Oh I am sooooo telling her that next time she brings it up.
                Exactly and to sum up what Jason politely said (LOL) who gives a shit! If your mother were to tell you today that she won't believe your engaged, wouldn't you just laugh at the insanity? It's like helloooo- ring on the finger, wedding license that proves your married, the vows you gave each other in your hearts, does your mom really have the power to say "nope, that never really happened?" It's just a dumb threat to get her way.
                Happily married since 2008

                #18 destined4greatnesss

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                  Posted 15 August 2008 - 05:02 PM

                  Truth be told- It's your choice.

                  In a perfect world, your mom would respect your views, share her thoughts, and back off.

                  As we all know we don't live in a perfect world.
                  I know it's a major challenge for you but ultimately you have to find a way to get that peace. Perhaps a good mediator would help.

                  I'm sure she wants the best for you but sometimes folks get so caught up with what they want that they lose site of your desires. Some ppl don't know how to back off so they impose their thoughts, beliefs etc on you.

                  Take some time to meditate on this if you haven't already and once you get that peace approach your mom "In Love" and express how you feel-not in a defensive manner. Allow her to express herself.

                  Ultimately, the choice is yours and you have to live with whatever decision you make. You're not always going to do or say things that will be pleasing to others. But at least find a way to keep the peace in some way.

                  Peace & Love

                  #19 IslamoradaBride

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                    Posted 16 August 2008 - 11:13 AM

                    adias.angel, we do have an ally in my other brother actually. He and my SIL got married in a completely secular ceremony last year-- there was no mention of God whatsoever. My mom gave them a hard time too. My dad hasn't said anything, and my brother the priest is happy to do a blessing and has not pressured me at all. It's mostly my mom and FI's dad (who was in seminary himself at one point-- that is how devout he is) who are applying the pressure.

                    I think everyone has given you good advice here. What's important is that you and your FI have the wedding of your dreams, not someone else's.

                    #20 Hartyt509

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                      Posted 16 August 2008 - 04:05 PM

                      Now I don't want to offend anyone lol and I totally agree with Jason but I would have to TELL HER TO FUCK RIGHT OFF!!!!argggg

                      This is my pet hate, I respect everyone's religion but its THEIR religion not yours if you don't choose it so she can shut her trap about it lol

                      Just say to her "oh sorry are you the one getting married?? I thought it was me" lol

                      There will be NO mention of god or anything like that in our ceremony or there will be hell to pay lol




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