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dh and new job vent - help!


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#31 jajajaja

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    Posted 01 July 2008 - 07:21 PM

    Oh Abbie- I get so frustrated. I'm blunt and I hate to beat around the bush. Personally I don't think I could be clearer but then Steve is like "Give me an example." Grrrr....figure it the F out. LOL
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    #32 1elephant

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      Posted 01 July 2008 - 07:34 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by LC_Rachel
      Yikes Lauren. No fun. Maybe just start assuming he's too tired of the gym and go earlier. I know that's not the WHOLE problem, but just a minor solution I suppose.

      Have you guys had a heart to heart about how his job is effecting him thus your relationship? Sometimes they need it spelled out and won't get what's going on. I've noticed Steve is so literal and even though we may be fighting about something that I think is clear, he is thinking something completely off.
      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Abbie
      rach you're on the money with this one. its that whole mars/venus thing! we have this issue too :)
      i just attempted to have a heart to heart, which ended (as always) with "you hate me," and the new one, "why are you always bitching and nagging?" i said i just want to spend time with you. he said "what should we do? watch tv? watch so you think you can dance? play a board game?" i said anything that doesn't mean that you sit at your computer with your back to me. i don't think he got that - earlier i had said that i waited for him to go to the gym so we could at least be in the same room, but that didn't click. when we're on speaking terms again, i'll mention make dinner together, or even clean up together. anytime i've mentioned a walk after dinner, i've been shot down, even before this job.

      i'm so frustrated. i've now come to realize that i don't even know what i want.

      #33 katrina

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        Posted 01 July 2008 - 09:04 PM

        aww lauren i'm sorry all of this is happening..

        #34 Hartyt509

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          Posted 02 July 2008 - 08:31 AM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by lauren c.
          i just attempted to have a heart to heart, which ended (as always) with "you hate me," and the new one, "why are you always bitching and nagging?" i said i just want to spend time with you. he said "what should we do? watch tv? watch so you think you can dance? play a board game?" i said anything that doesn't mean that you sit at your computer with your back to me. i don't think he got that - earlier i had said that i waited for him to go to the gym so we could at least be in the same room, but that didn't click. when we're on speaking terms again, i'll mention make dinner together, or even clean up together. anytime i've mentioned a walk after dinner, i've been shot down, even before this job.

          i'm so frustrated. i've now come to realize that i don't even know what i want.
          God i've had that so many times 2! usually its when he gets home, kicks off his kit, goes straight to sleep! then in the morning I can hear him moving around and he's either on his ps2 or his laptop on facebook!!

          So I tried the nice convo I tried everything in the end I said look its either the ps2 or don't come back I'm not putting up with the shit - he got the hint lol

          I'm not saying you should do that but try the gentle approach first - dad used to take the fuse out of the plug on my computer - try that it'll take him ages to find out whats wrong with it lmao

          But start to get a life of your own, go to the gym on your own etc and give him a taste of what its like - trust me he won't like it at all!

          I always used to try and talk him round when he went in a mood or a sulk and now I can't be arsed 2 can play that game and I'm better than him at it I've had years of practice (my dad is a moody git lol) so he gets the silent treatment he ALWAYS backsdown first - I think you need to kind of take a step back and thing right you aren't gonna beat me - then you'll be sorted

          xx

          #35 1elephant

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            Posted 02 July 2008 - 10:15 AM

            so last night, we kinda kissed and made up. i was downstairs watching tv, and he came down and said, "i know you don't hate me", which is his way of saying "let's not fight." then he asked me to come watch tv upstairs while he read and got ready for bed. so we went up, and i watched until 10, and then when i said that i wanted to go downstairs and eat, and he should go to bed, he didn't want me to go. i went anyway b/c i wasn't going to lay there while he slept (b/c i do that when i come up for the night anyway). this morning, he was a little snippy, but i'll chalk that up to getting up at 5.

            i'm thinking about getting a retail job at night, but i don't want to work weekends. i don't want to work period, but maybe it'll get him to understand how precious our together time really is. i'll keep you guys posted if there's any change. thank you all for your help, and for talking me down off my ledge

            #36 DanielleNDerek

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              Posted 02 July 2008 - 10:20 AM

              That sounds like good progress.
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              #37 jajajaja

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                Posted 02 July 2008 - 11:40 AM

                We used to have some problems like that when Steve changed to his new job a year ago. We had to adjust to a TOTALLY different routine. He would sometimes work late (until like 2am) for events and then have the next day off while I worked. I would get SOO pissed because we wouldn't see eachother but he would still go play on his THREE different sports teams. I felt so insignificant. I'm sure that's the same way you are feeling.

                After a LOT of arguing because he never got it (and it sounds like your husband doesn't either) we compromised to make Sundays our day. We would do fun things on those days- instead of housework like we used to. It really helped and it was just enough couple time for me to get my fix and not feel so neglected. Maybe try to sit aside a day where it's just about the two of you- no questions asked.

                Don't lose faith Lauren. It's just a rough patch that life sometimes throws at us. Just find a way to fight back and find some sanity. :)
                Happily married since 2008




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