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Diary of a Dog & Cat (Funny!)

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#1 starchild



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    Posted 30 June 2008 - 08:38 PM


    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

    9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

    9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

    10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

    12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

    1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

    3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

    5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

    7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

    8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

    11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


    Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

    They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

    In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow...but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

    The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

    For now..........

    #2 stacey


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      Posted 30 June 2008 - 08:41 PM

      Haha that pretty funny and true!
      Stacey & Ely 10.14.2008

      #3 Kat81

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        Posted 30 June 2008 - 08:50 PM

        LMAO. OH that is funny and made me think of my cat.. His name is Lucifer lol. We call him Lucy for short which I think instigates his behaviour

        #4 Jessica

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          Posted 30 June 2008 - 09:05 PM


          That is so funny. Cats are evil!! I love the kitties, but they always seem to be plotting. At least mine did.

          #5 starchild



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            Posted 30 June 2008 - 09:07 PM

            Kat I love that Lucifer is the name of your cat!

            This is funny because dogs are just happy to be in your life and cats are so...well...just like it says in the diary!

            #6 tlomlad

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              Posted 30 June 2008 - 09:59 PM

              toooooo funny!!!!

              #7 tvt

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                Posted 30 June 2008 - 10:16 PM

                OMG this is great!

                My favorite part has to be "wagged my tail! my favorite thing!" that is sooo my dogs! as i write this, i look over at my dog and what does he do? Wags his tail!

                #8 starchild



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                  Posted 01 July 2008 - 07:39 AM

                  The wagging is too cute, all our dog needs is a glance her direction and she starts wagging too LOL

                  #9 becks



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                  Posted 01 July 2008 - 10:02 AM

                  That is classic! And so true. Why is it that dogs love everything you throw their way.

                  Played with a little kid who stuck his fingers in my eyes and nose. My favorite thing!

                  God bless doggies!

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                  #10 ACDCDCAC

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                  Posted 01 July 2008 - 10:05 AM

                  thanks jamy, i needed a de-stressing laugh today :)

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