My FI says "he is feeling trapped"...
Posted 05 July 2008 - 02:14 PM
Posted 05 July 2008 - 09:38 PM
| Originally Posted by Just Martha |
IMO, he is acting like a kid.
I am so sorry, but if I left Jay last night and came home this morning, if he really missed me, his ass would have been off that couch and hugging me, no matter how tired he was!
Dez, I am so sorry, and I have no words of wisdom, and I can't say it was a bad thing to go home, because I don't know what I would do if I where in your situation...no one does. It's really easy for us to give you advice, but until we are in your shoes, we really just don't know.
I hope things get better for you and if not, please think of yourself first.
I completely agree. Your FI is acting as though he doesn't give a good s*it about you or your feelings.
It doesn't matter why he's acting this way (life trauma whatever), he's doing it. Actions are what really matter.
If you know that you'd be begging your friends to get out of this situation if it were theirs, then it seems that you know what you have to do.
I hope you can be strong and get away, because as the wedding gets nearer, the stress will only get worse and deciding to go through with a wedding based on unclear stress thinking is scary.
I hope I don't sound harsh; I don't meant to. I guess I just feel like I can completely understand where you're coming from as I've been in a bad place like this before. And I'm happy every day that FI values me so much and is so sweet to me and so caring. I can't believe I lived so many years with such a jerk. And I don't wish it on anyone when I know how wonderful really feeling secure in a relationship can be.
Posted 06 July 2008 - 02:10 AM
Take a deep breath. Count to 10. Think about your happy place.
Does your FI know that you've spoken with his sister about this? Is he just upset that your family knows?
I know I hate it when my FI runs off to his mother every time we have an arguement, but your situation is definetly more serious than mine.
I'm really glad to hear you're looking for a counsellor. I know that sometimes they can get you in as an "emergency appointment" super fast, but I guess that depends on their caseload, etc.
Good luck. Like everyone else has said, we're here if you want to talk about wedding stuff, and most definetly here if you need to vent (gad luv these girls!).
Posted 06 July 2008 - 08:56 PM
I really hope he changes his tune.
Posted 06 July 2008 - 09:05 PM
Posted 06 July 2008 - 09:15 PM
Posted 06 July 2008 - 09:18 PM
Posted 06 July 2008 - 09:57 PM
| Originally Posted by DanielleNDerek |
Dez I don't think your stupid for going home, you love him that's very clear but it seems like you are really trying to make things work (making chore lists and wanting to see a therapist) and he's not willing to put in effort. And he seems to be the one with the problems. It seems like he just expects you to solve everything while he sits back.
I really hope he changes his tune.
Posted 06 July 2008 - 10:13 PM
First, you are not dumb for going back home. It's your house too - your space. And running away for good never works.
Second, do not for a second keep this wedding on just because people bought tickets. It's your life - not just a trip. People can cancel and will get over it.
Third, he needs to be on his meds and in therapy. Now. I know he says he won't do it, but if it comes down to you living without him at all or you living with an unmedicated person (who needs med) you would be better off alone. I see too many situations that turn ugly because people go off their meds.
Fourth, if you were looking at this relationship from the outside you said you would say "leave". That is huge. You are the only person that can really stand up for you - no one else is going to do it. Why would you stay in a situation that you wouldn't want a friend to be in?
Posted 06 July 2008 - 11:46 PM
Hi I just came across this thread and my heart goes out to you. Everyone is giving you really good advice and you will work through this and be just fine whether you are with him or not! Every relationship has it's issues, but if he's not willing to pull his weight and work at the issues with you, it will not work. It is so obvious that you love him, but first and foremost you need to loe yourself! His behavior is unacceptable and frankly pretty immature. I know you say he has had issues, but you can't make excuses for him disrespecting you! I say that you and your family/friends that have booked take the trip together and just have fun! I know this is all easier said than done, but you will figure out what is best for you in your heart. I am sorry and you are in my thougts!
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