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Lillie09

Family not approving

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I know what your going through too. My parents are doing the same thing. My moms parents probably wont be able to attend and that upsets my mom. But we just keep telling them that this is what we want and we are happy about it. Im trying to not let her ruin the planning process for me. We are having a AHR and I think that my parents are happy about that. We cant please everyone but we can make sure this is the wedding we want. I hope that helps.

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My family has been hoping that I have a DW for years. They all wanted an excuse for a holiday. I gave everyone more than a years notice, and guess what.....very few of them are coming!

 

We are having an AHR, mainly because we knew a lot of people from FI wouldn't be able to afford to go. Although, I am about ready to say forget the AHR. I told FI that he has to get the ball rolling on the details for that while I work on the DW and then I can do all the fine tuning, otherwise we aren't having it! Sorry, I am getting so frustrated, not because everyone is bailing out of it, but because very few people are RSVP to let me know. I talked to one friend yesterday and was able to cross off 6 people that aren't coming, and today I talked to a cousin who was supposed to be in the wedding party and can now cross off 4 more (6 if you include the kids they were thinking of bringing)!!!! Arrrgghhh!

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I think that a lot of the brides on here "take it" from their families. We made the same decision after we added up the cost of a big wedding at home. I am lucky to have such a supportive family. After they got over the inital shock, they were happy (even excited) about it. They are all talking about how they are going to loose weight so they can look great at our wedding.

 

Your mom might not ever come around. My mother is very traditional, and while she accepts our decision, she always ask, "Don't you think you will miss not having a church wedding?". And I can truthfully say "no". As long as you are okay with what you are "giving up" in order to have a destination wedding, then nothing else matters. It is about you and your FI. Don't focus on the day, focus on the life long journey that is being kicked off by an awsome vacation!

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I wonder if part of your Mom's resistance is fear of the unknown. A DW is a foreign (forgive the pun) concept to a lot of people. We got a little flack here and there but I think it was mostly because we were eloping. Stick to your guns though. Getting married to my honey with my feet in the sand was one of the most amazing experiences in my life.

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I've been really lucky in one respect.

 

My dad told me to go to the local registry office and "bugger off" on holiday lol I am willing FMIL to start kicking off about the wedding and the cost because she'll be uninvited and I would be sooooo happy lmao

 

Its my friends that have given me the grief really - one saying she thought I was stupid!! so they all got told to go fuck themselves and we will do what we want to do!!

 

You will get flack as long as you let them give you it - just stand firm and say look you aren't gonna change my mind so shut your mouth - stand up to her she'll pass out lol

 

It will be fine as long as you stick to what you want to do - weddings bring out the most selfish gits i've ever met in my life and they aren't usually the bride and groom!!

 

smile105.gif

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The classic mother guilt trip... Do they teach this as a course when you have a child? wink.gif My mom is famous for this route, drives my FH crazy.

 

In the past I have sat her down and said very plainly, "Mom you are making me miserable". One thing moms hate is to see their little girls unhappy. Set her down and tell her that this is your day and if she can't say something supportive, don't say anything at all...

 

Works almost every time with my Mom. A couple tears might help you get the point across too....

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I think everyone of us has had to deal with some criticism about getting married away. But you gave your guests almost a 2 yr notice, that's plenty of time for them to save up if they really want to go. This is probably the first DW your mom is going to so right now she is giving you flack but after your wedding she will be bragging to all of her friends how it was the most beautiful best wedding experience she was ever at. I think you should just tell your mom this is what you want and you would really appreciate it if she stopped asking you. And everyone that goes is going to have the time of their lives and people who didn't go will probably regret it. You have to have the wedding you want. As long as you and fi are happy with your decision that should be it.

 

And please don't be shocked or hurt if certain people can't make it. I had so many people say they would definately come at one point we had 62 definates and now we only have 30 ppl booked. My one set of grandparents backed out for health reasons and because it's so far to travel. They travel far all of the time and this is a lot shorter than most of their trips but whatever, i just shrugged my shoulders and said that's okay. I learned that if i'm having a DW i have to be prepared for people to back out.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by adias.angel View Post
In the past I have sat her down and said very plainly, "Mom you are making me miserable". One thing moms hate is to see their little girls unhappy. Set her down and tell her that this is your day and if she can't say something supportive, don't say anything at all...

Works almost every time with my Mom. A couple tears might help you get the point across too....
Oh your good! lol

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