Need advice B4 I do something stupid
Posted 22 June 2008 - 11:58 PM
So I got the MOH's STD last week. This weekend I was with my mom going to a family birthday and I was talking to her about MOH's wedding and I realized that my mom did not get a STD. So I emailed the MOH and asked if she invited my mom to the wedding. Her response "Nope- since we are trying to stay at our guest count." Every time I look at the email I get so upset. She is MOH at my wedding. Her parents were invited because I have known them since I was 12 and I consider everyone in my wedding party a part of my family (1 cousin, Dean's 2 sisters, and two friends). Each of thier family's are invited. So my MOH (who has a guest list of 200) does not fit my mom in there anywhere.
My main issue is not with the lack of invitation (although it pissed me off). The thing that I am most upset about is that she never gave me a heads up like " we're sorry, but becuase of space constraints/budget we can't invite your mom." Not even when I brought it up to her did she say anything to acknowledge that it was a little strange. We're supposed to be meeting on Wednesday to talk it out.
At this point I am convinced that we are not the friends I thought we were and I am not sure I would be a very good BM for her....
Posted 23 June 2008 - 12:05 AM
Posted 23 June 2008 - 12:16 AM
EDIT: it's a good thing that you're meeing on wednesday - it'll give you time to compile your thoughts and decide whether or not you want to be a bm for her, and if you want her to be a moh for you!
Posted 23 June 2008 - 02:49 AM
With that said, is your mom upset she is not invited? When I was upset like you are right now and talked with my mom she told me she understood as weddings are expensive and that she didn't expect to be invited (but my mom is always the peacemaker too!).
I would explain to your friend that it hurt you to find out your mom wasn't invited and that you hope she can find room for one more on her guest list. If she really doesn't have an extra spot to give to your mom then I would just drop it. It is not worth getting into a fight with your MOH and vise versa before your weddings.
Posted 23 June 2008 - 03:13 AM
Posted 23 June 2008 - 07:55 AM
One of my best friends I've known for years and also her mum and brother but I'm not inviting them to my wedding, I just can't afford it.
When you have the meeting just ask her straight out why - if she says its cash well you need to just get on with it. Sorry x
Posted 23 June 2008 - 08:30 AM
I can understand both sides... maybe she cannot afford to invite more people but on the flip, you invited her parents to yours...
With one of my bfs, I just wrote her name "and family" on the invitation. Her parents are not coming but I just wanted to extend it.
How does your mother feel about it? Is she crushed?
Posted 23 June 2008 - 08:37 AM
Posted 23 June 2008 - 08:59 AM
But i do agree with the previous post, if she's been slacking on the moh duties than you can definately talk to her about that.
Posted 23 June 2008 - 09:06 AM
my MOH is my best friend from college. i know her parents well. they're divorced and each remarried for 15+ years. the divorce was somewhat amicable. i didn't invite either set of her parents - we were trying to keep the guest list small and we even excluded inviting some family members like cousins we aren't close to. plus it wasnt like i could invite one set of her parents and not the other, so i just didnt invite anyone. we were tight on space. we originally only wanted about 30 guests, and now we have about 60. the capacity of the restaurant we chose at our location is basically 60 people. if we have any more people, we may have to move our reception location, which i am adamantly against. her parents arent key players in my life with my FI. she totally understood because she did the same thing with her wedding 2 years ago. i dont think she really owed you a heads up...it IS her wedding and she can invite (or not invite) whomever she wants. Maybe she doesn't feel as close to your parents as you feel to hers? Maybe she feels pressure from her FI's family to invite more from their side and thats why your parents didn't make the top 200 cut? who knows. all im saying is, the guest list for someone else's wedding is never our choice no matter how much we want it to be, or how much we would like the extent of a courtesy invite for our parents. just because you and I have the sense to do it doesnt mean everyone does. are they paying for their wedding themselves? are the parents paying for it? i just see so many scenarios where inviting a friend's parents arent a priority to someone. i think it's good that youre going to talk it out with her, but remember, you are a guest at the wedding, and you dont get to make the guest list.
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