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Who makes the call here??

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#1 Celina

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    Posted 01 April 2008 - 11:17 AM

    Okay - I didn't know where to post this but this is my dilema.....

    I think it's time to have a little meeting/informal cocktail party with our wedding party to get everyone up to speed on what they need to wear, passports, when to get down there, what the itinerary is, etc.

    PLUS - I kicked my sis out of the wedding because she is a freak-nut case - so my other good friend will be stepping in as my BM. I have to get dresses re-figured out (I already bought the dresses for the MOH and BM - since old BM and new BM are different sizes, I need to find something for the new BM)

    The guys have no idea what they are wearing. I mentioned it to one of the guys the other night about buying linen pants - he says, "Oh, we're wearing Khaki's?" - I say, "No, Linen pants" - he says.."So Khakis will work?".

    Anyone else see the road I'm going down and why it is important for us all to be on the same page??......

    So I'm home yesterday and I tell FI that I am going to get everyone together and see what they have open as far as Saturdays in April because my calendar is getting full and it's time to get everyone together. He gets mad at me and says he can speak to his guys and I can speak to my girls.

    I'm like WTF His best man and goomsman are almost like his brothers. we spend every major holiday with them and all get along very well. I think it's perfectly appropriate for me to call their wives and have them check their calendar to see when they are available. FI says I am going over his head and am making the guys seem like a bunch of goofs who can't get anything together.

    I don't think it's a big deal. FI does. I was SO mad at him yesterday. Also - I don't want to make their wives feel left out either. Does that sound weird? I am trying to make this a family event with everyone's imput and am trying to be considerate of everyone. Although the wives aren't "in" the wedding, I don't want them to feel like they are left out and are just being kicked to the curb. Actually, I would love to include them in the wedding somehow - I just haven't figured out a way.

    FI kept saying - "Well why don't you call MOH's hubby and see if he what he has going on in May - did you call him too?" I'm like WHAT They are different because my relationship is with her. Same with my BM. If either of these girls were as close to me as a sibling and I spent every holiday with them - I wouldn't have a problem calling their husbands and arranging a time.

    My point is that the women/mom's of the family usually have a better idea of what their families schedule is for the month - especially when they all have kids - it has nothing to do with their husbands!

    Am I being ridiculous??
    "Love is not who you live with...it's who you can't live without"

    #2 boscobel

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      Posted 01 April 2008 - 11:22 AM

      Men just get sensitive over things. You should plan a girls night to discuss with your girls and then tell him to plan a guys night (+ one girl - YOU!) so you can give them the heads up. Or you can just send email. I love sending emails, cuz it's a great tracking method.

      #3 Agape Gems

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        Posted 01 April 2008 - 12:19 PM

        Men and women are just different. Don't let anyone make you think you are crazy for trying to make sure your days goes as smoothly as possible.

        I am leaving next Wed and my FI JUST asked his best man and groomsmen to be in the wedding 2 weeks ago. I have been ready to strangle him for months about this but he just totally doesn't think its a big deal at all. We have been engaged since Dec 2006 so he has had PLENTY of time but it just wasn't on his radar.

        I think sometimes you just have to do what needs to be done and let the men get over it. IMO.
        See our professional weddings photos http://bestdestinati...om/forum/t21339

        #4 cheese_diva

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          Posted 01 April 2008 - 12:49 PM

          I think you should be really specific about what they should be wearing.. just saying linen pants leaves it open for lots of different styles.. unless you don't care about different shades of pants, pants too long/short, etc.

          I found out their sizes and bought the pants and shirts and gave them to them to. It was their responsibility to have them hemmed if needed. (I talked to wives about this too.. only because most of our wedding party were couples).

          Guys like it simple.. tell them specifically what you want and they'll do it.. even if it is on their own timeline.
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          #5 jmill130

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            Posted 01 April 2008 - 12:55 PM

            I agree... keep it simple. Select the pants and shirts, buy them to fit and then you know it work just as you want. Say you are using a coupon to save them money... then you get everyone in the same pants and shirts and they are happy since they think you are saving them money! Hang in there!

            #6 ErinB


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              Posted 01 April 2008 - 01:06 PM

              I think it's a GREAT idea to write everything down.

              Style number where to buy and price, pictures & fabric swatches if you have them. I did this in a "newsletter" for the girls and had a great response. The boys were left to their own devices and as of today haven't picked anything out.

              I would tell your FI you want to have a cocktail party/pizza party/ poker party whatever to get the bridal party together. Hand out the pertinent info there so if anyone has questions they can ask you directly.

              Have you thought about sending a causal e-mail poll asking when everyone can get together? Maybe FI won't feel like you're going over his head then. You can send it to both Husband and wife and see who responds first.

              #7 Spazz

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                Posted 01 April 2008 - 01:14 PM

                I'm going to disagree a little bit...
                My FI's gifts for his groomsmen are their clothes (shirts, pants and flip flops) for the wedding. Last fall I emailed all of them and asked them their sizes so I could order their stuff. I thought it was a great idea (so there was no confusion with the wedding attire and it was all done correctly). BUT, I found out afterwards that my FI didn't like the idea and would have rather gotten them something "cool" (but went along with my idea b/c I had already informed his GM of our plan). When he told me that I felt really bad b/c he doesn't care much about wedding planning and apparently he was upset. Long story short (well not really), I think you should take FI's ideas into consideration. If he would rather take care of the GM's and all of their wedding stuff, let him (but just be sure to follow up with him to make sure everything is getting done).

                #8 Celina

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                  Posted 01 April 2008 - 02:43 PM

                  He is such a goof...since I wrote this, he has spoken to both of his guys and he just told me to get back to them about what date I was looking at to get together.

                  WHAT A DOPE!! I think he just wants to act like he's running the show...when we all know who's in charge here! LOL - What a trip!

                  Men are funny! Yeah - I am going to get some pics together so they know what the deal is! Good idea about the pics. FI and I just need to get on the same page with their clothes now....
                  "Love is not who you live with...it's who you can't live without"

                  #9 Hartyt509

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                    Posted 01 April 2008 - 06:33 PM

                    Men! i've developed the knack of suggesting something just off the cuff to my FI and about an hour later he says I've got an idea lol works every time lol Thing is he's never twigged it wasn't his idea in the first place lol works in 2 ways tho, I get what I want and he thinks he's smart lush !! lmao

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