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BM Griping and Venting!


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#11 azhuskergirl

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    Posted 27 March 2008 - 12:03 PM

    sorry she's causing you stress. It's stories like these that make me think my decision to not have a MOH/BMs was a great idea.

    It does sound as if the issue is more about her body image than the dress. Hang in there.

    #12 BillysBride

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      Posted 27 March 2008 - 12:13 PM

      Thanks ladies for all the encouragement and good advice. I'm going through the David's site right now trying to find a similar alternative (think I found one) that I can live with if she wants to wear. Its still sleeveless, but not strapless, so she could wear a regular type of bra with it. I'm going to offer this as an option and see if she accepts. If not, then I'm just going to push on and turn a deaf ear to her complaints.
      Savannah

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      #13 rodent

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        Posted 27 March 2008 - 12:19 PM

        The first time I was a BM, I was 18 when we were picking out the dresses. I begged the bride to not pick out a strapless dress. I was so uncomfortable in strapless back then. We went shopping together & I was able to show her what I felt uncomfortable in. Strapless bras were not as good then & I had to have some padding. I'm now comfortable in just about any BM dress, but I'm not self consious like I was back then. I'm sure I was annoying because I was really stressed out about the style of the dress. It's hard to put your insecurities away when you've had them so long, especially when you will be up in front of so many people & in so many pictures.

        BTW, I love that dress.

        have you thought about picking a color at DB & letting the girls get the dress they want? my eliminate some of your problems. Unless all the other girls want that same one. That might look odd. It either needs to be mixed up, or all the same. Not one odd ball.

        #14 Maura

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        Posted 27 March 2008 - 12:29 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by BillysBride
        In a moment of frustration, this was my last suggestion to her. "Pick whatever you want that matches the color. I don't care."

        Not the most ...gracious offer, but I was frustrated and tired of arguing at the time.

        I actually came across an email from her, stating specifically what her problem is. Here's the quote:

        Umm...ok. So now, she's a fashionista. Honestly, if this is her biggest problem with it, the more I think about it the more I feel like she can suck it up and deal.
        ok savannah --- first, let me tell you that i am a relatively small girl. i am 5 feet and BARELY 2 inches tall. i wear a size 8. i have large breasts for someone with my stature, and its difficult for me to pull off a strapless dress. even though i'm petite, i somehow always end up with the boob overhang in a strapless. so i can identify with your BM not wanting to wear something flattering --- because no, i dont think a strapless is flattering on everyone. HOWEVER-------- i think you handled it graciously, telling her to stick with the color but pick a different dress shes more comfortable in. i dont by any means agree with the fact that she thinks she needs to look "fierce" on your wedding day. she needs to take her booty to the store to even try it on before she continues to bitch so much, but im betting once she tries it on, since she has such a negative viewpoint already, shes going to hate it. so as long as she sticks with the color, be cool. shes not going to look tall and lean no matter what, so if it will quell her bitching, just let her wear a different style dress in the same color. thats what i did for my BMs and it has made a huge difference. ive not had a single complaint about the dresses and my girls are all happy as clams. actually, the two that already have their dresses called this week to tell me they love them and are excited to wear them!

        #15 beckyandbrian

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          Posted 27 March 2008 - 12:55 PM

          I say it's your flipping wedding and too bad if she's not happy! On her wedding day, she will get to pick her BM dresses and until then she should suck it up...because we know that YOU won't be bitching when it's her turn. There is always something for everyone else to complain about or have an opinon on and it doesn't matter what makes everyone else happy - it matters what makes YOU happy! Besides, you told her she could wear a shawl. What's the problem then? She will be covered and there will be no bulges showing. You are much more gracious than I would be by offering for her to pick another dress in the same color. There is no possible way that you could pick a dress that would look FIERCE on every girl and every shape. It doesn't work that way - that's why you pick your favorite and everyone puts a smile on their face and acts happy.
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          #16 Dez921714

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            Posted 27 March 2008 - 12:59 PM

            Does the dress have optional spaghetti straps? That would take care of the "strapless" issue hehe :)

            In all honesty...I am a +++ size girl (with a small chest, horrible combination). One of the things I am MOST self conscious about, is the size of my arms. That being said, I have been in at least 5 wedding (Maid of Honor twice) and I have always had a strapless dress (even when I got to choose the dress). I finally came to the realization that my friends know what I look like and choose a specific dress for a reason, not to make me look bad or be self conscious. There was usually a matching shall that I could wear as a "cover up" or if I was cold. And when it comes down to it, most wedding party appropriate dresses are strapless.

            I went looking at wedding gowns two weeks ago and fell in love with one. My sister took pics of me in it. When I sent the link to my best friend she called me less than 5 minutes later and said "Strapless? really? Don't you have an arm issue?" Even my mom was like "we can get you a shall for it". And I told them both, that I have come to terms with my body. This is my size, you don't like it don't look! I probably will get a shall, but because I'm getting married in January, not as a cover up.

            Unfortunately this is a place your friend needs to get to on her own...all you can do is tell her that you love her, you know what she looks like and you think this dress would be great on her. It's only for one day, and you would never put her in something that looked bad on her. Afterall, you're the one that has to look at the pics :)

            Good luck!!!!
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            #17 BrittneyD

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              Posted 27 March 2008 - 01:15 PM

              I hate to say this, but it really sounds like she has her mind up about any good options. I really worked with my bridesmaids to find something they all liked, and we ended up with 2 different dresses. They went into it open minded though. I would try some of the other suggestions the other girls have made. I would also sit down and talk to her though. At the end of the day, this is about you not her. She should be more flexible and notice that you are trying to make her as somfortable as possible.
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              #18 BillysBride

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                Posted 27 March 2008 - 01:17 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by deznchris2006
                Does the dress have optional spaghetti straps? That would take care of the "strapless" issue hehe :)

                In all honesty...I am a +++ size girl (with a small chest, horrible combination). One of the things I am MOST self conscious about, is the size of my arms. That being said, I have been in at least 5 wedding (Maid of Honor twice) and I have always had a strapless dress (even when I got to choose the dress). I finally came to the realization that my friends know what I look like and choose a specific dress for a reason, not to make me look bad or be self conscious. There was usually a matching shall that I could wear as a "cover up" or if I was cold. And when it comes down to it, most wedding party appropriate dresses are strapless.

                I went looking at wedding gowns two weeks ago and fell in love with one. My sister took pics of me in it. When I sent the link to my best friend she called me less than 5 minutes later and said "Strapless? really? Don't you have an arm issue?" Even my mom was like "we can get you a shall for it". And I told them both, that I have come to terms with my body. This is my size, you don't like it don't look! I probably will get a shall, but because I'm getting married in January, not as a cover up.

                Unfortunately this is a place your friend needs to get to on her own...all you can do is tell her that you love her, you know what she looks like and you think this dress would be great on her. It's only for one day, and you would never put her in something that looked bad on her. Afterall, you're the one that has to look at the pics :)

                Good luck!!!!
                Thank you so much for sharing your insight with me. This is what I've been trying to ....instill in her for years now. But you're right. Its something that every woman has to come to on her own as an individual. MANY women have body issues. Some are self conscious about their breasts, some their hips, arms, think their shoulder's are too broad, their ankles too skinny...whatever. Feeling overweight is one of the hardest to deal with, for certain. I just get frustrated because while I'm pointing out examples of famous plus size women who ROCK all sorts of outfits, she is whining about showing even the minimum amount of skin. Its something that we butt heads on frequently, so I'm not suprised its come up with this issue of BM's dresses. I want her to accept herself...embrace herself and her body and keep telling her that when she does that, it will have an impact on how other's perceive her as well. I can't count how many times I seen a big, beautiful woman who was confident and struttin' her stuff..doing her thang and thought "Now look at her wearing the hell out of that dress!"

                But the reality is, she's not there yet. I don't know if she ever will be, and I guess I'm trying to FORCE her to get there by wedding time. lol. Not going to work, so I need to adjust to the idea of having to be ok with her not liking the dress OR letting her wear something different. I have been to a few weddings where the MOH was in a slightly different dress denoting her "special" status, so I don't really have too big of a problem with her having something different. My preference would be that she have the same dress as I think it just plain looks nicer in photos. But if this is something that will increase her comfort level then I'm willing to let it slide.

                What I refuse to do is have her in any type of sleeves or a longer length. Thats the deal, she can take it or leave it. AND the dress must come from David's so that the color and fabrics match perfectly. Theres no bargaining room there, so if she doesn't like any of the other styles that come in this color and fabric, oh well.

                Morgan- ya...the other four girls LOVE the dress. As in can't-wait-to-rock-it love it. It was hard enough finding something that all four of them liked, so no way am I taking a step back and telling them we're changing it or they can pick a different one. She wants to be the oddball, she can go right ahead. The other dress I found is sort of similar, and even has a bit of hanging material in front like the one I picked originally, so I think it could work well.
                Savannah

                http://i17.photobuck....inecollage.jpgThe Fab Four (my quads) Meryn, Kellen, Nico & Layla
                http://global.thekno...rs/tt265ad.aspxhttp://www.mywedding...nnah/index.html20 STD's w. pre-lim RSVP sent 6/15/09: 7 "Yes" so far/10 guests total!

                #19 dragonfly

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                  Posted 27 March 2008 - 01:20 PM

                  I think you should see if you could order some extra material and have straps made for the dress, then maybe she would feel more secure in the dress. The dress is beautiful, but until she tries on different styles you won't even know whether or not you like it on her. I think it's time for lunch out, a couple of glasses of wine and then on to dress shopping with lot's of ooohs and ahhhs from you to her.

                  #20 boscobel

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                    Posted 27 March 2008 - 01:31 PM

                    Kelly, I never would've thought that, but that's actually a great idea! I think that David's offers sleeves on all of the wedding gowns, so perhaps it is an option as well for the BM dresses.




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