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BM Griping and Venting!


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#1 BillysBride

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    Posted 27 March 2008 - 10:52 AM

    OK, someone PLEASE tell me why people think its ok to repeatedly bitch and moan about a dress, then follow it with "But girl, its your wedding...its all about what will make YOU happy."?

    Uh...what would make me happy is if you would stop bitching about this dress. How does anyone think that a bride can be happy looking at her wedding party on her big day KNOWING that one or more of them is miserable?

    A bit of background. My maid of honor is very, very body conscious. She's plus sized, but not any bigger than plenty of women I've seen on t.v. looking beautiful in far less than what I'm asking her to wear. Add to that, she's....well, I'm just gonna say it. Frumpy. If I could give the girl a makeover and dress her in just ONE damn outfit, I'd be ecstatic. She has it in her head that she can't or shouldn't wear certain things, and yes, I knew that going in. But she also knew that her style choices are an ongoing bone of contention for us, which we joke about all the time. She KNOWS me and knew going in that I would pick a dress that I loved AND think will look good on everyone. I'm not totally oblivious. I'm going with something that should be flattering for all the various shapes and sizes. I mean, its not like I want my wedding party to look all jacked up.

    Anyway, she sends me this email the other day, detailing all about how she thinks I had a certain style in mind from the beginning, and that I knew that whatever I had in my head would be something she would object to. HUH?? I scoured shops and the internet with NO particular style in mind, just looking for something that stood out as being good for all of them.

    Its a David's dress and all the feedback posts about it rave about how beautiful it looks on ANY figure. I'll post the link. Please, tell me is this some ugly thing that I'm forcing on this girl?David's Bridal - Bridesmaid F12284 Strapless chiffon short dress with ruched bust and asymmetrical hem.
    I know I'm not the first nor will I be the last bride to gripe about this. Just venting. She's the ONLY one of the girls who doesn't love it, and I have five total ranging from in shapes and sizes.
    Savannah

    http://i17.photobuck....inecollage.jpgThe Fab Four (my quads) Meryn, Kellen, Nico & Layla
    http://global.thekno...rs/tt265ad.aspxhttp://www.mywedding...nnah/index.html20 STD's w. pre-lim RSVP sent 6/15/09: 7 "Yes" so far/10 guests total!

    #2 Kat81

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      Posted 27 March 2008 - 10:55 AM

      Maybe let her wear a shawl? What is her concern?

      #3 boscobel

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        Posted 27 March 2008 - 10:57 AM

        I think it's a beautiful dress. Being strapless though, it might not be that flattering on a bigger girl, or a bigger chested girl. Have you seen her try it on? Perhaps she is just uncomfortable in it. There is only so much you can do when someone is uncomfortable in their own skin.

        #4 Bride010101

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          Posted 27 March 2008 - 11:09 AM

          I would suggest maybe taking her to try it on. I was originally looking at a simialr style - but have 1 girl w/ a larger chest - and I realized it just wasn't going to work once I saw it on her.

          #5 MelissaH

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            Posted 27 March 2008 - 11:12 AM

            Being a bigger girl myself, I know that chiffon totally does not agree with me, it can be very clingy and show off a lot of bumps and lumps..maybe that's her concern?

            #6 BillysBride

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              Posted 27 March 2008 - 11:12 AM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by carly
              I think it's a beautiful dress. Being strapless though, it might not be that flattering on a bigger girl, or a bigger chested girl. Have you seen her try it on? Perhaps she is just uncomfortable in it. There is only so much you can do when someone is uncomfortable in their own skin.
              And this is the problem in a nutshell. She is uncomfortable in her own skin. She has a skewed image of herself and therefore, she covers up as much as possible. For instance, this is a girl who once told me that Beyonce` is fat. Seriously. I'm not joking. LOL. No wonder she thinks she's enormous if thats the type of judgement she has.

              Her main concern is "back fat and rolls hanging over the top" and finding a bra to support her chest. The dress is pretty straight across the top, so its not as if the bra would have to be a plunging strapless. Just a long line bra, and there are SEVERAL companies that manufacture them for large chests. DD's and up.

              I've offered several times to buy her a shawl...pashmina or even some beautiful organza shawls that would pick up on my accent colors, and all the girls could wear them. She doesn't even acknowledge the offer.

              I think the problem is what she (and some) consider to be "flattering". I've seen women with rounded shoulders.."fluffy" girls that looked beautiful in strapless dresses. I'm not one to think that the shoulders have to be showing clavicle bones to look nice in something, but I do understand her concern. I just feel like she's going over the top with it. The dress is meant to be LOOSE fitting..it skims the curves, not hugs. Its honestly the best I've found and the reviews for it seem to support what I'm thinking.

              She hasn't even tried it on yet, but I'm going to insist that she does sometime in the next few weeks. It needs to be done, and maybe that will prove something to her.
              Savannah

              http://i17.photobuck....inecollage.jpgThe Fab Four (my quads) Meryn, Kellen, Nico & Layla
              http://global.thekno...rs/tt265ad.aspxhttp://www.mywedding...nnah/index.html20 STD's w. pre-lim RSVP sent 6/15/09: 7 "Yes" so far/10 guests total!

              #7 BillysBride

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                Posted 27 March 2008 - 11:17 AM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by MelissaH
                Being a bigger girl myself, I know that chiffon totally does not agree with me, it can be very clingy and show off a lot of bumps and lumps..maybe that's her concern?
                Melissa, she doesn't care about the material...at all. All she's talked about is the fact that its strapless. The dress is designed to be loose so it really should be fine if ordered large enough. Add to that a pair of Spanx or some shaping underwear ( a wedding parties' best friend) and she should be fine I think.

                One of my other maids is a 40DD and she has told me several times that she has found a quite a few strapless bra's that worked for her. She's even willing to help my MOH out with finding one.

                What would have made this girl happy is if I had chosen a full length long sleeved gown for them. Thats it. Thats the problem. She wants to cover up as much as possible. I refuse to do that to these girls in the late spring Mexico heat. Just can't.
                Savannah

                http://i17.photobuck....inecollage.jpgThe Fab Four (my quads) Meryn, Kellen, Nico & Layla
                http://global.thekno...rs/tt265ad.aspxhttp://www.mywedding...nnah/index.html20 STD's w. pre-lim RSVP sent 6/15/09: 7 "Yes" so far/10 guests total!

                #8 boscobel

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                  Posted 27 March 2008 - 11:20 AM

                  David's offers lots of different styles in the same colors, would it be an option to let her pick a dress that she is comfortable with in the same color?

                  #9 BillysBride

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                    Posted 27 March 2008 - 11:25 AM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by carly
                    David's offers lots of different styles in the same colors, would it be an option to let her pick a dress that she is comfortable with in the same color?
                    In a moment of frustration, this was my last suggestion to her. "Pick whatever you want that matches the color. I don't care."

                    Not the most ...gracious offer, but I was frustrated and tired of arguing at the time.

                    I actually came across an email from her, stating specifically what her problem is. Here's the quote:
                    Quote:
                    My biggest problem with strapless dresses is that they draw they eye emphasis -- from side to side making yourself look wider or more horizontal -- instead of taller and leaner and fierce.
                    Umm...ok. So now, she's a fashionista. Honestly, if this is her biggest problem with it, the more I think about it the more I feel like she can suck it up and deal.
                    Savannah

                    http://i17.photobuck....inecollage.jpgThe Fab Four (my quads) Meryn, Kellen, Nico & Layla
                    http://global.thekno...rs/tt265ad.aspxhttp://www.mywedding...nnah/index.html20 STD's w. pre-lim RSVP sent 6/15/09: 7 "Yes" so far/10 guests total!

                    #10 Betsy

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                      Posted 27 March 2008 - 11:27 AM

                      I think that dress would work for any shape. I actually have a dress much like that and that material in the front does wonders for covering/camoflauging bumps and rolls believe me! If she is worried about her body in that dress I think she should try on some spanx with the dress - They really do work magic and I think she would love it. That and she is only wearing the dress for a part of ONE day - YOUR day! I don't think you are being unreasonable especially when you offered the shawl/pashmina. If all the other girls are happy then there is only so much you can do. So don't let this stress you out - just imagine if we let everyone who objected to something in our DW stress us out - we would all turn into major bridezilla's! I hope it works out!




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