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Pisces

Bridal shower questions...

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Here is my question, and I seriously hope I don't offend anyone.

 

I really don't like bridal showers, as I feel like they are a gift grab, and in this day and age make little sense when most couples I know have lived and established themselves long before they marry. I have always kind of resented going to them and having to buy a gift for the bride. Sure I'm happy for them, but I don't get why they deserve gift after gift...

 

I always said to Colin that I don't want a shower because of this. I kind of thought that having a DW and no bridal party would help keep this from happening... like no one would assume the job of throwing one.

 

But now I am getting sort of embarrassed that I might want one... mostly because I'm throwing another one this summer for my bf, just finished throwing a baby shower for my SIL and may have to do another for my other SIL. I guess I sort of feel like they owe me a bit of payback! Even though I hate that idea.

 

I also feel guilty even thinking I deserve one because they are spending way more coming to my wedding than all of their gifts on weddings, showers and babies... or maybe the same.

 

I don't know... I go really back and forth on this. I don't even know who would be invited to the shower because I thought traditionally it was all the women who came to the wedding, but most of it is just my family and very few (okay no) friends.

 

so for those of you having showers or who have had them, who threw them? did you invite people who didn't come/weren't invited to the wedding?

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I feel the same way you do about showers I hate them, I have been to soooo many and I really don't enjoy them very often. I had everything I could possibly want so a shower was not needed. My girls, meaning my daughters 19 and 15 at the time, along with my good friend planned a very simple shower and it was great. They arranged a personal coctail shower for me on a Saturday night, friends and siblings only, no parents, aunts, ect, ect. They asked everybody to bring lingerie, or something personal and we had lot's of coctails. They arranged the shower on the same nite as Everton's bach party, and they arranged that after the shower around 10pm we girls all headed out to a bar for my bach party, my daughters bowed out of this part of the nite and stayed home to clean up for mom:). The girls and I partied and later in the night, after their nite of strippers, all the guys met up with us at the bar. We danced, laughed and a good time was had by all. It was the most fun ever had at a shower, my daughters did a great job arranging a nite that they knew mom would enjoy, and yes they invited only those invited to the wedding, not all came to the wedding but they were all definitly invited.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pisces View Post
Here is my question, and I seriously hope I don't offend anyone.

I really don't like bridal showers, as I feel like they are a gift grab, and in this day and age make little sense when most couples I know have lived and established themselves long before they marry. I have always kind of resented going to them and having to buy a gift for the bride. Sure I'm happy for them, but I don't get why they deserve gift after gift...

I always said to Colin that I don't want a shower because of this. I kind of thought that having a DW and no bridal party would help keep this from happening... like no one would assume the job of throwing one.

But now I am getting sort of embarrassed that I might want one... mostly because I'm throwing another one this summer for my bf, just finished throwing a baby shower for my SIL and may have to do another for my other SIL. I guess I sort of feel like they owe me a bit of payback! Even though I hate that idea.

I also feel guilty even thinking I deserve one because they are spending way more coming to my wedding than all of their gifts on weddings, showers and babies... or maybe the same.

I don't know... I go really back and forth on this. I don't even know who would be invited to the shower because I thought traditionally it was all the women who came to the wedding, but most of it is just my family and very few (okay no) friends.

so for those of you having showers or who have had them, who threw them? did you invite people who didn't come/weren't invited to the wedding?
Well since your friends are paying a ton of money to make it to yours - consider that even. Going to your wedding and just being your friend should be enough. I know its normal but try not to think that they "owe" you. You have done so much for them out of the kindness of your heart and you dont expect anything in return but friendship.
I think that showers can become out of control and become a gift grab. Honestly if you have multiple registries at various merchandise stores its kinda suspect. Why don't you do what I did, I registered at a charitable registry. We dont need anymore crap (and no matter how much you tell people they are going to still buy you more crap so for the ones that really had to buy US something we did a airline registry with one of our Frequent Flyer Miles - we live overseas so it helps us travel home).

It really sounds like you want a shower and dont want a shower.... You gotta choose!

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I am really excited about having a shower. Me and my FI have been in our house for over a year but donâ€t have a lot of money so most of our things are hand me downs and yard sale items. When I go to showers or parties I buy gifts not because I feel obligated but because I want to. I would also be totally open to people coming and just having a good time. You might even want to consider a shower with your FI and his friends to. That way it will feel more like a celebration then a gift grab. Plus youâ€re a great person and your friends want to show you how much they appreciate you!

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Here is my take on showers. IMO if you have been living with each other for awhile then one can only assume you have almost everything you need. A family member of ours got married and had a shower, she registered for things she already had but wanted to "upgrade" I ended up getting her a personalized gift because I just couldn't understand why you would just have a shower to "have a shower" A friend of mine is getting married in a few month, and is having a shower, she has been living with her FI for at least 3 years and she registered for things that will furnish his kids room. Ummm again I have a huge problem with this (she registered for 6 different sheet sets for example, all different colors and styles)

 

Now with all that said, if you actually "need" stuff and I mean really "need" things then I totallyl agree with having a shower. I guess it's like if someone has a child, has a shower but then has a second child an has another shower. It just seems like their being a little high maintence.

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I have never lived with someone before so have hardly any of my own stuff and Matt lived like a college dorm before we moved in together. So I am really looking forward to a shower and getting all the things that we need to make our home. I am not looking forward to that actual shower day, the whole center of attention thing, but I am excited for our house to become less college dorm-y and more like a family home.

 

Showers are just part of getting married.

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My FMIL and Mother are throwing my bridal shower. We are doing a cocktail, rolling dinner at my FMIL new house. Its on a Saturday and starts at 5, I wanted to get away from the traditional shower idea on a sunday afternoon. Mainly because my sister just had hers several months ago and although it was awesome, its still not me. For the guests I invited people who are going to my DW and those who have intentions and those who I know I did not invite to Cabo but will be invited AHR. My mom struggled with this, if she could she would invite the world...but I think it worked out. Just remember as a rule of thumb, if you invite them to the shower plan on inviting them to either the DW or AHR. I hope this helps and have tons of fun at your future shower!

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I was really excited to have a shower, but it wasn't to get gifts, it was because when my friends throw a shower, it's more about hanging out drinking and going out to a bar afterwards, just another reason for a party. We have lived together for almost 5 years, so we didn't really need anything, but I still registered and did get gifts (which was nice, I have to admit). Like Carly said, a shower is part of getting married, at least in my circle of friends and family, so I went along with it and was excited for it.

 

BUT, if you are do not want a traditional shower, that is more than okay. Just make it clear to those you are closest to what you do/do not want.

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I didn't really want one, my bridal party and mom wanted to throw one, so they did and I'm glad they did because we had fun.

 

Everyone invited was also invited to the wedding, and most of them did not go to the wedding, so it was a nice way to visit with them to celebrate the upcoming marriage in lieu of the Mexico trip.

 

If it makes you itch to think about it, don't do it. If you aren't opposed and someone wants to throw you one, go with the flow. If you don't know what you want...figure it out fast :P

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I was a little "leery" about the whole shower and registry thing to start with. I thought it seemed like begging for gifts.

 

After seeing the reaction of my friends/family, though, I really think that showers, etc. are what the people who love you want to do for you. I am having two showers - one that my aunt is throwing for me for close family - my mom has several sisters and they're all really excited about it. They've watched me grow up, they want to be part of it. The other shower is being thrown by two friends - they begged me to let them throw it.

 

So - my attitude towards it has changed a bit. People love you and want to celebrate this time in your life. In the US - or at least where I'm from - showers are a big part of that. It doesn't have to be a "traditional" shower - they just want to spend time with you and join in your happiness.

 

As far as registries go - register, don't register, but know that people are going to be buy you gifts. Some people like to know what you need/want when shopping - others will just buy a gift that they think you will love.

 

I do think, though, that if you invite someone to your shower - make sure you invite them to the AHR or your wedding.

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