luvtoteachlaw

Quote: Originally Posted by missdanelle wow... im so sorry that you have to deal with this lady, she is whacko. Alot of us on here can relate to you on this one unfortunately. It just makes us love our FI more! I am happy to have this forum to vent with others who I know have similar issues. My fiancee can only listen to so much about it. He feels bad enough as it is and I don't like to make him feel worse by going over this time and time again. I think we have gotten even closer going through this kind of crap; he is the best and very protective of me and us as a couple. I love him!

Quote: Originally Posted by Emily&Matt I think you and your fiance should talk about how you are going to handle her, for your wedding and for your life together. Let her stay wherever she wants for your wedding and if the step-sister doesn't like the BM dress, then she can decide not to be in your wedding. Tell them the way things are and let them decide whether or not they want to participate, but you don't have to change your plans to accommodate their plans. Speaking of the bridesmaid dress, I had given FMIL the catelog and ordered a swatch card for her and left it at her home when we visited in the beginning of December. She told me that her daughter would look at it when she is home from college for Christmas. So when I was there at Christmas, she told me that I better get a dress picked out because her daughter was leaving with her the next morning. I asked for the catelog and she looked at me like I was crazy. She said, "You didn't give anything to me, I don't know what you are talking about". I then explain what exactly I am looking for and sister in law says, "Oh, it's in mom's room. She wouldn't let me have it in my room because she said it was too messy." Her control issues are unbelieveably ridiculous!!!!

Quote: Originally Posted by DanielleNDerek She would have to be a really immature person to get upset that your fiance's mom who passed away is all over the website and she only has 1 picture. She's jealous of a dead woman. that's ridiculous. I totally agree. And she has been dead 25 years. One of the worst things I can remember of FMIL's antics is one evening at dinner with fiancee, fiancee's brother, FFIL and me. FMIL had been drinking, and there was discussion about buying cemetary plots (of all things, fiancee and I had just been to his mom's grave that day to plant flowers there). FMIL makes a comment that she and his dad need to buy plots together to which FFIL responded, "We will get around to that". She then said, "You had better do it, because you aren't going to go and lay next to Phyllis!" (finacee mom). It was beyond bizzare and uncomfortable. My private thoughts at the time were that I hope FMIL died first because I actually do think FFIL would want to be buried next to his first wife (fiancee's mom ).

Quote: Originally Posted by Hartyt509 Seriously though his dad will not stand up to her or he would have done it years ago so unfortunately you need to get right in her face so she knows you aren't taking her shit. I know that his father used to stand up to her in the past, and it appears that he was quite pissed at her for the way she acted on Christmas (they drove to Hilton Head with fiancee's sister in the car who relayed that they were fighting). But she never, ever apologizes for her behavior. My fiancee is going to write an email to his dad and then is going to visit him (alone) in the next month to discuss these issues with him. He is going to tell his father that he doesn't want her at the wedding. God only knows what will happen from there. In speaking with my fiancee last night, he thinks she might feel slighted for whatever ridiculous reason because the website does have a nice selection of pictures of fiancee's mom, who passed away in 1983, and only one picture of step monster with his dad. Step monster has never been a mother figure to him - after he lost his mother at age 12 she was the opposite of compassionate - she forced him to do his own laundry and cook his own dinner. If she did any type of cooking for him, she always told him he owed her. It makes me so angry to think of how he was treated at the time when he needed someone the most.

Quote: Originally Posted by BachataBride I completely agree...have it out with her! She's probably just like this because she is allowed to get away with it. If you stand up for yourself and tell her what a bitch she is being maybe she will not be so quick to put in her 2 cents. Tell her that not only is she driving you & FI away, but also her other children and family members. I know it's hard to stoop to her level and throw this at her...but I think that's what needs to be done. Good luck hun...and try not to stress about it too much. FI is obviously on your side...and the 2 of you will work through it Don't let her ruin YOUR day!! I think this is what is going to have to be done, if I see her before the wedding. We may see her at finacee's sister's graduation in May. I don't plan on seeing her, or anyone else, before then. She has always fought with my fiancee, even when he was 12 and had just lost his mother. From what he tells me, they use to have big arguments when he was a teenager and he didn't take her crap. He says he used to make her cry, which I have no doubt about. So why she is messing with him again, especially now, is ridiculous given their strained history.

Quote: Originally Posted by Sapphire723 I would also talk to her daughter to let her know that she is important to you no matter what her mother is saying. Talk to her about any concerns she may be having, and if she actually does have a problem, see if you can work it out with her. I'm sure that she knows her mom well enough to know that what she's being told isn't true or the whole story, but it's probably a good idea to clear the air with her. I did speak to her on Christmas about the dress, and she was more than willing to go to the bridal shop and try on the dress(es) that I have picked out. I didn't get to see her the day after, when the step monster made all those comments about our website. However, my fiancee did speak with her and did send her an email explaining how we are planning to update the website with new photos and pages. Why the step monster is giving out the website address to her friends, who we don't know and who are not invited, is beyond me. I swear she just wants to stir up drama.

We are getting married at a private villa and plan on hiring a reggae band for the reception, but want something more traditional for the ceremony music. Does anyone here have any experience with hiring musicians for the ceremony? I know that resorts have contact info for certain musicians (based on other posts I have read), but my location is different so I am not sure where to start with this search. Music is important to me as my mother teaches piano and voice lessons and music has always been a part of our family. Any suggestions would be great!

Quote: Originally Posted by DanielleNDerek You guys need to stop being nice to her. If she treats you and fi this way she'll probably treat your kids this way too. Do you really want your kids to be around someone like this? I would tell her it's your wedding and you guys are making the decisions not her. It's not like shes paying for anything. And i'm sorry to say this but your fi's dad needs to stand up for her. He shouldnt let her treat his kids that way. Yes. It is hard because you don't want to sink to her level and give her more reason to bitch at us and play the victim, which she loves to do. But I am a big believer that you give people respect when they give you respect, and right now, I don't think she has it in her to give anyone respect. We have discussed that we don't want our kids around that kind of negativity, and will not subject ourselves to this kind of crap again. My fiancee is going to make a special trip to NY to talk with his dad privately and let him know his feelings about her behavior. Hopefully, his dad will step up and try to get some kind of control over this woman. It is so much harder on my fiancee because it is just a reminder to him of how much his misses his mom, especially during the holidays.

Quote: Originally Posted by Kat81 Maybe she should look into getting her own Villa or hotel or something. That way everyone can enjoy your wedding. GAH what a piece of work this lady is. I wish we could get her a villa by herself. Unfortunately, all the villas there are filled with other guests, and we are in a fairly remote location where the closest hotel is in Negril, about 45 minutes away. Of course, one of the reasons we are doing the villa thing is for privacy. Unfortunatly, that also means isolation with this woman.

Quote: Originally Posted by Sapphire723 Do you guys want to continue to have her in your life? What would happen to your dynamic with the rest of the family if she was cut out? I would weigh these options and decide what is really important to you. She seems like she doesn't want you to be truly happy and that's not a good kind of energy to have near you. Explain to everyone involved that you're not going to allow negative energy to bring you down. If she's going to be horrid towards you, don't include her. If other people object to that, explain to them that although you care for your step-monster-in-law, her abusive behavior is not ok and if she's unwilling to be nice the only course of action you have is to separate yourself from her. Reasonable people will understand and support you. Everyone else can feel free to jump off a cliff ;-) Seriously, you have enough BS going on. If it's not important to your fiance to maintain a good relationship with this woman, then go ahead and cut her loose. We have already decided that we are never going there again for Christmas. Fiancee's brother said that we should not put ourselves in that situation, and I agree with him. My fiancee said that he doesn't want to let her behavior restrict his visits with his brother and father (who live in the same town), and I also can undertand that. We also visit with his mother's family when we are there, and they are very nice and friendly. His grandmother, who is 95 years old, is super sweet and it means a lot to her when we visit. The whole thing is just so ridiculous. I am the type of person who has a great deal of patience, but once you cross the line and piss me off, I am angry for quite a while. It takes soo much to get me to that point. I also always try to hold on to hope that situations can get better, but frankly, I don't think it is going to happen here. I will never understand why people do such things and make it miserable for everyone.

Quote: Originally Posted by CourtneyV Wow, this woman is nuts!! What kind of a grown woman acts like this?? What does your FI's dad have to say about the matter? They both talked to him, right?? What does he want to do about it? Obviously no one wants to spend any time around your FMIL, which means no one will be spending time with him unless it's w/o her! Part of the problem is that she acts like a teenager! She is so gossipy, hypocritical and bossy all the time - all the things that I cannot stand. She is the type of person who just goes on and on and on about something/someone that no one who is listening even knows or cares about! I think my future FFIL speaks to her in private about her behavior, but it doesn't really seem to matter because she does what she wants anyway. I seriously think he has developed a the coping skill of tuning her out or avoiding the situation. I don't see how else he could stay with her. FFIL is a very sweet man and I have no problem with him. Actually, I do have compassion for him because no matter what he says, I think he knows he made a big mistake marrying this woman in the midst of the complete devestation and grief he sufferred when the love of his life died. I feel bad about the fact that my fiancee's sister (they have the same dad) can be hurt by all of this. In fact, the FMIL is the one who told his sister that she must not be considered his "real" sister if she isn't listed on the site the way that FMIL thinks is appropriate. I have no doubt that if his sister cried it is because of what FMIL said to her own daughter. I really don't want to upset her.

Quote: Originally Posted by Kat81 You need to talk to your FI and get a plan of action. You need to distance yourself from her now. Planning a wedding is far too emotional to have that BI@tch telling you how to live your life. I would leave MY towels in MY cottage just despite her. I am sorry you have to go through all this and I hope she catches on that she is in no way your Fi's Mother and in NO way has any say in your wedding. BLAH Also, count your blessings that she isn't "gracing" you with her presence during your stay for your wedding. Just imagine if she were staying in your Villa?! Yes - we are going to distance ourselves from her, and yes I am very pleased that she isn't going to be staying with me during the wedding week. The unfortunate part is that it means she will be staying with the rest of fiancee's family, which includes his mother's sister and his grandmother. They can't stand her either.

Sorry this is long, but I have to vent and this is the only "safe" place to do it . . . Ok, so my FMIL has been an absolute bitch since we have decided to do this whole destination wedding thing and informed them of it this past summer. By way of background . . . she is my finacee's stepmother - his mother died after battling cancer when he was 12 years old (25 years ago), and this bitch was waiting in the wings to scoop up his dad right after his mom died (this woman was my fiancee's brother's 2nd grade teacher at the time). They got married less than one year after his mom died. Because of how screwed up that situation was, my fiancee has always had a strained relationship with her. So, ever since we decided to get married in Jamaica, she has been negative, condescending and critical. Nothing but negativity from her no matter what the topic. She is pissed because she wants to prance around like a peacock at a wedding in New York (where she lives) in front of all her friends. It is ALWAYS about her. Anyway, at this time in the planning process, we have received all the RSVPs from guests who are going to stay with us in the villas (we are getting married at private villas on the south coast of Jamaica), and have potentially assigned rooms to those guests who have paid a deposit to us. We thought it would be an appropriate thing to stay in what we perceive to be the best villa, along with our parents and bridal party (we only have one attendant each). We have always told everyone that this is the plan and there was no disagreement about it until . . . We went up the second weekend in December for my fiancee's birthday and we out to brunch with his stepmother, father and brother. During the brunch, FMIL asks me where people are staying. My fiancee repeats what we have always told them that they are staying with us and my parents in a villa and that the other family members coming are staying in another villa. She says to me in front of everyone, "I don't want to sound mean, and even though we have met your parents, we don't know them and don't want to stay with them". My fiancee's brother had a look of horror on his face, and my FFIL was just spacing out (he rarely listens to her anymore). My fiancee tried to explain why we had this arrangement, and she then repeated that she wanted to stay in a particular room at a particular villa. Frankly, I couldn't be happier that this bitch is not going to stay with us. Both my fiancee and I prefer it. She then says that she is paying her way and it is a vacation for her and she should get to stay where she wants. It was an extremely uncomfortable brunch to say the least. When we returned to his parent's home the insults continued: - I was told that my bridesmaid dress choice was not good for her daughter (my fiancee's half-sister), and that she would only wear certain colors - I was told that I would have no idea what dress style would be appropriate because her daughter had big boobs, and I don't - She told me that we had better not ask for any contribution because they don't have any money to help out - That I should been doing more planning now, even though I teach law at the college level and work about 60 hours a week and really only have the time during school breaks (like now over the holidays) - That my job shouldn't be used as an excuse because she used to be a 2nd grade teacher and my job is no different than her job used to be and she had plenty of time off Ok, so whatever . . . I think I was actually the least offended compared to my fiancee and his brother (who confronted the father and stepmother after my fiancee and I left saying how rude she was). The thing that really pissed me off was the job comments. So we do the Christmas thing where we try to make both families happy by driving all over creation on Christmas. We spend Christmas Eve and morning with my family and then drive for 4 1/2 hours to New York to see his family. They were told not to wait for us because we didn't know what time we would be arriving. We got there around 8 pm. We went inside and she completely ignored us for the first 1 1/2 hours, other than to order me to sit down. I find out that she has bought a new huge flat screen tv, a Wii and a brand new Honda Pilot (wow where did she get the $$$ for those things?) She then finally breaks her silence to tell us that they we waiting for us all day to open presents and we should unwrap them now. So, I get a gift card (I was told to use them to purchase my pot and pans on my registry) and another bag that has a 3 piece towel set inside. I was thinking that it was another gift from our registery, and then she says, "These towels are for you to bring with you when you come to the lake cottage and then take with you when you leave so you won't dirty our towels". OMFG. I sat there thinking what the hell do I say to that? The thing is, my fiancee owns an equal share in the cottage and pays his part of the mortgage each month. And this woman has the nerve to give us towels to use when we visit a home in which he is a part owner? She says nothing to us the rest of the night. The next morning, before she leaves for her trip down to Hilton Head, she barges into our room and then tells us how inconsiderate we are for not putting up all pictures of our family on our website and that her friends have been calling her and wondering why my fiancee's sister isn't on the site yet! This is ridiculous because there aren't any other siblings on the site yet! She saids her daughter cried and felt like she wasn't important enough to be on the site. OMFG. So my fiancee gets up out of bed and tells her that this comment is not appropriate. She freaks out on him and tells him she has been a mother to him and that he is just a selfish jerk. Several other things were said concerning how we are handling our plans, and several other snide comments were made to my fiancee. So now my fiancee is so pissed that he wants to tell her she cannot attend the wedding. Needless to say, he says we are never going there with her behaving this way toward me and him. Frankly, I have grown to intensely dislike this woman, and I am trying to figure out a way to keep her out of the loop. Unfortunately, there are things like our AHR that she thinks she will be helping my mom with, as well as a bridal shower. I don't want to be anywhere near this woman. How do I extricate myself from this

Me, me!! I have the Bare Escentuals addiction. The sales this time of year are soooo good, and the makeup is GREAT. Until I tried BE, I never wore much makeup except for powder, mascara and lip gloss. Wearing BE has actually cleared up my skin, and I love the wide range of colors that compliment my coloring. I got my sister and mom hooked on it too!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! These are perfect, and what a deal! I stopped tonight at my local BBW store and saw the display with the totes with signs saying $5. Another female customer saw me standing near the totes and ran over and started grabbing them off the display as quickly as she could. She moved so fast that I was a bit shocked, but still managed to grab 5 off the display before she got to them. She gave a "a look" to which I responded with "a look", and then she ran to the register to pay for them. I don't know what this person's problem was . . . but whatever. I asked a sales associate to check in the back to see if there was more and thankfully I was able to get another 10 from the stock room. So I now have my 15 totes for my guest bags! Yeah!! I looked on the BBW site and they are selling their orchid totes for $5, too, plus 20% off on the website. Those totes are nice, too, and are a bit smaller, but I would have gotten them if my BBW was out of the other bags. So I would check into that if someone is looking for a colorful, smaller bag for guests. Thank you again!!

Update: 33 years total, 9 before parole eligibility.

30 years in prison, with no parole possibility until 7 1/2 years of prison. Going to the state prison from county jail soon.

Finally this guy is going to get it. This hearing is beyond bizzare, however. Both defense attorneys are kissing ass big time and look ridiculous. And how in the world can these guys use Abraham Lincoln, the Civil War, and John Quincy Adams to somehow ask the judge to let Simpson off easy?? When I see this kind of crap by lawyers, it tends to make me sick to be one . . . Simpson attorney: "What Mr. Simpson did was break the law in a highly emotional and stupid way". Like when you killed your ex-wife for being with another man?? "In his heart, he didn't believe what he was doing was wrong" Yeah, that is what a sociopath thinks . . . duh My God, this is no different than his murder trial.

I feel like I have many different perspectives on this issue. First, I was engaged before (to someone else) and called off my wedding. Second, I practiced family law for six years prior to teaching and I saw all kinds of things that cause couples and families to implode. Lastly, now that I have met "the one" I now realize how right this is for me. Almost ten years ago, I got engaged to someone that I went to college with, but did not date until four years after graduation. I thought at the time, I was 27 and it was time to get married . . . he was a "nice" guy and my family liked him. Frankly, I convinced myself that this was a good step for me . . . until I actually had to pick out the vows for our ceremony. In attempting to do that, I realized that I couldn't say any of these vows and mean them the way a person should on their wedding day. I tried to ignore these feelings, but as the day approached, I felt increasing DREAD. And that is exactly the word. Not nerves, not doubts, but DREAD. And that was totally what caused me to call the whole thing off. I could have never went through with the wedding; if I had we would for sure be divorced or at the very least very unhappy. Ending that engagement was one of the best decisions that I ever made, and even though I spent significant time after that feeling lonely and dating people who were not very good for me, I have never regretted my decision. I really got to know myself during that time and I learned what I need and want in a partner. As a family law attorney for six years, I saw most divorces occur because of one simple reason: inability to communicate. Most people didn't know enough about themselves to know how to communicate their needs to their partner, and many didn't know how to effectively respond to their partner's needs without feeling "put upon". I usually suggested therapy for my clients so they could figure out why this situation happened and how to prevent it from happening again. Otherwise, there is a high probability that they will keep making the same poor choices over and over again. I would see some people marry the same type over and over (alcoholic, physically abusive, selfish, cheater, etc.). When I met my current FH, I just felt that "click". I have a very clear memory of the first time we talked on the phone and how I felt that our communication was different and really comfortable. We are very similar, and that works for us. I can't imagine my FH not being in my life, and I cannot imagine how anyone could measure up to the wonderful man that he is. I don't have him on a pedestal or anything because he does make mistakes, as we all do, but I know that he is a good man who is committed to me and our future together. I don't know if any of these insights help you - I don't have a situation where a child is involved so I don't know how things would be then. I do know that many couples who were divorcing tried to stay together for the kids. Unfortunately, it just ended up screwing up the kid more than if they had just gotten divorced when they knew things weren't going to work out. A child should see a healthy relationship so that they can recognize it as "normal"; if a child sees nothing but fighting and abusive behavior, they will seek out that type of realtionship when they get older because it feels "right".

Natalie Kita photography for their boudoir photos? Boudoir & Glamour Photography by Natalie Kita - Home I need someone that can be in PA, or someone that I can drive to. I have no idea how much a standard shoot is, so I don't know if she is reasonably priced or not! I do like the fact that she does professional makeup and hair for you, but maybe that is normally included and I just don't know it. Any other suggestions for boudoir photos for Pennsylvania?

Quote: Originally Posted by msasfraz Thanks for the compliments... i still can't stop looking at my pics... travel costs were included in the photography package. I just got an email from Frank with pricing. Very quick!!! I really, really like his style. Quick question . . . how much does he require as a deposit to hold the date? Also - did you use a videographer? I know he offers one, but it was about $2,000 more. Thanks!

Hi - I responded to your PM. Now that I see your 15 guest count, that would be a great size for a wedding at Bluefields. Check out their website: Villas on Bluefields Bay, Jamaica - Private Luxury Waterfront Villas

I spent 6 years as a family law attorney, and decided three years ago that I had had enough of litigating custody cases and trying to make a living off of other people's emotional devestation. It really, really sucked . . . So now I LOVE my job teaching law at the college level. I am the program director for both a paralegal program and also a criminal justice program. With this job, I feel a sense of accomplishment and feel good about affecting students' lives in a positive way. So many students have such low self esteem, and many have never been encouraged to go after their dreams. I can't tell you how many times I have had students tell me that they had always been told they were stupid and could never make it in college. So few have ever experienced a truly supportive family and it is just so sad. However, with some encouragement from faculty and hard work on their part, I see them gain the self confidence necessary to go after what they want. It is amazing to watch! My Fiancee is a pilot with Delta Airlines based in Cincinnati, so he is gone for days at a time. The airline industry sucks . . . but I don't want to get started on a rant or I won't be able to get to sleep!

Quote: Originally Posted by starchild Luvtoteachlaw, thanks for the detailed info. Is it possible that CA may set a precedent by successfully correlating this issue to a 1st Amendment violation? (not holding my breath, just wondering) No problem. Most of the time the process of how something is done is almost as important what is being done when it comes to the law. I have never seen any First Amendment implication with respect to gay marriage. First Amendment generally deals with freedom of speech (which includes freedom of expression, like flag burning), freedom of press, and freedom of religion. None of those issues are generally present in this situation. The constitutional issues raised in this case are usually due process and equal protection of the law (14th Amendment). The best legal argument here, in my opinion, is that when the U.S. Supreme Court decided the case of Loving vs.Virginia (a case where a VA state law prohibited interracial marriages), they struck down the state law based on the idea that there is a fundamental right to marry across racial lines. The recognition of this fundamental right to marry could be expanded to include marriage between same sex couples. The Court has to be careful, however, because it is not a good idea to have a rule that anyone should be able to marry anyone they so choose. You can't have people marrying their relatives or adults marrying children or people engaging in polygamy.

Quote: Originally Posted by Christine I thought this was for a CA constitutional amendment, and if it was an amendment is the only way for the CA supreme court decision to be over-ridden Yes - you are right - the Prop 8 was a constitutional amendment, which is the only way the CA Supreme Court decision can be overcome. The CA Supreme Court has to rule based on the constitution, and if an amendment is part of the constitution, then the court must follow it. My understanding is that the actual process of the amendment and its placement on the ballot to begin with are under attack in the courts. What I meant to convey is that the CA Supreme Court already refused to hear a case on this very issue (the placement of this Prop 8 on the ballot), so I don't think they will take what essentially is the same issue on now that the voting is over. Frankly, that is probably the only way that this amendment can be attacked - to find fault with the process, not the substance of the law itself.