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Moh And Shower Seating


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#1 jeffandrobyn

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Posted 12 May 2015 - 12:24 PM

Some of you may recall the issues I have with my future sister-in-laws. One is very controlling of the other and has serious insecurity issues and as a result, we are cordial, but not friends. It's a shame. But they're in the bridal party regardless out of obligation. (and have taken no interest in anything to date)

 

My shower is in a month now and my MOH is in charge of seating for my friends and family while my mother-in-law will do her people. I thought about whether or not to include my sister-in-laws at my table and decided to do the politically correct thing and include them since they're BP. My MOH and I were talking about it today and I said keep the peace and put them with us (she doesn't like them at all b/c of how they treat me like an outcast). She said "nope, i'll take charge. I'll work on it and give your mother-in-law her people." Then I thought about it and figured - let my MIL make the call. If she puts the SILs with her then fine, but if she doesn't then they need to go with me. I don't want to look like the bad guy. So then I tell my MOH that and say that I don't want to face repercussions later on. All I got back was "I'll handle it." and "I'll take care of it." 

 

My MOH, while her heart is always in the right place, never cares about doing 'what's right' in general. She does what's best for her and to some degree, I admire that. But in this case, I think it's a matter of doing the right thing. I'm worried that she won't. What do I do? 

 

Or.... do I not worry about it at all b/c I'm not the one who arranged the tables at the end of the day. 



#2 beckys98

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Posted 12 May 2015 - 02:22 PM

Your MOH sounds like my sister! My sister would LOVE to be the bad guy in that situation and handle it for me - that kind of thing is what my big sis does best! :)

 

I think, ultimately, it comes down to what you really want. If you want your SILs at your table for the peace of mind, then I would be explicit about that with your MOH. If you don't want them at your table, then I would GLADLY absolve myself of the responsibility and not worry another minute about it. No one expects the bride to have made the shower seating chart! ;)



#3 ashhtayy

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Posted 12 May 2015 - 04:10 PM

@jeffandrobyn does your FI have an opinion on this? my concern when dealing with my FIs family is always whether or not it's going to come back on him. I often bite my tongue so he doesn't have to deal with the backlash. Sucks because I keep quiet when I shouldn't but I do it to save him because they won't ever say anything to my face.

not knowing the entire situation, I may just have them sit with you. might be easier on you later on knowing you were the bigger person.

#4 calgarybride2015

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Posted 12 May 2015 - 04:50 PM

Are they going to ruin your happiness at the shower by sitting at your table? If yes, let your MOH take care of it. It's the shower not the wedding so I think there would be little backlash. I'm like your MOH though lol. Why did you have to have them out of obligation? (I think I remember this post from way back). Good luck.


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#5 acw271011

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Posted 12 May 2015 - 08:10 PM

I'll second what @calgarybride2015 said. Are they going to ruin the shower for you if they sit with you? Obligation should only go so far. Yes - we always want to be accepted and keep the peace, but sometimes it just is what it is and you can only do so much. It might be a better way to keep the peace to let them sit with their mother. I don't think you would be the "bad guy" if you don't sit them with you. I think it's your shower and as long as you're polite and things are civil, then just leave it alone. You're doing what you need to by having them in the bridal party. Just enjoy your shower and don't worry. MOH is organizing it. Let he do as she says and let her "handle it". Life is too short.


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#6 jeffandrobyn

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Posted 13 May 2015 - 06:42 AM

@jeffandrobyn does your FI have an opinion on this? my concern when dealing with my FIs family is always whether or not it's going to come back on him. I often bite my tongue so he doesn't have to deal with the backlash. Sucks because I keep quiet when I shouldn't but I do it to save him because they won't ever say anything to my face.

not knowing the entire situation, I may just have them sit with you. might be easier on you later on knowing you were the bigger person.

 

Yes, I spoke to FI about it last night. I feel much better. He said as long as it's not just me and the other two girls in the bridal party at one table then I shouldn't worry about including them there. If it's an entire friends table (which it would be, my other two BP girls and some other friends not in the bridal party) then he feels that's okay to leave them out because for me, they're my family, not my friends and family goes with family. So I'm just going to let my MOH do what she wants. At the end of the day, as long as FI isn't bothered by it, then I won't be either. If it were super important to him that I sit with them, then I would make sure that happened. 


Are they going to ruin your happiness at the shower by sitting at your table? If yes, let your MOH take care of it. It's the shower not the wedding so I think there would be little backlash. I'm like your MOH though lol. Why did you have to have them out of obligation? (I think I remember this post from way back). Good luck.


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I don't think they would ruin my happiness, but there's just no chemistry between us. My guess is that it would be me chatting with my other friends and them keeping to themselves and just chatting with one another. 

 

Maybe it's just a New York thing, but it's typically tradition to have the bride/groom's siblings in the wedding party. I had no problem inviting his sister in. I would've loved to leave his sister-in-law out though. However, my FI asked his brother-in-law (they're friends) and his brother is his best man. Then I would be asking his sister. So the only one left out would've been the sister-in-law. That would've been a recipe for disaster. 



#7 calgarybride2015

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Posted 13 May 2015 - 04:02 PM

Maybe a New York thing? Lol who knows :) I would have asked my sister in law but I had my own sisters and friends I wanted to ask first. I actually had a sister decline so only had one in my bridal party. We are all really laid back though. Just picked people closest to us. I know nothing of tradition though :)


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Edited by calgarybride2015, 13 May 2015 - 04:06 PM.

-Kim

Married on 2015/01/21 at the Grand Sirenis Riviera Maya with 43 guests in attendance   :)

 

Planning Thread - http://www.bestdesti...s-riviera-maya/

 

Wedding Pictures http://www.bestdesti...ra-maya/page-36

 

Wedding Review http://www.bestdesti...31#entry1885600

 

 


#8 snswedding2016

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Posted 13 May 2015 - 09:21 PM

Sounds like it has all worked out! I'm happy to hear that.  :)

 

I would have loved to include my fiancé's sisters in my bridal party too but I had my cousins (who are like my sisters) and friends who I just couldn't do it without. Also my fiancé has a lot siblings - I always break it down by saying he has two of each - 2 full siblings, 2 halves and 2 steps….4 of the 6 are sisters!! That would be a crazy huge bridal party! lol!


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