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One Bridesmaid Driving Me Nuts! (Rant)


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#21 IzzyDeee

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Posted 29 March 2015 - 04:52 AM

I was going to ask if it's possible that she's recently pregnant and the long car rides will make her nauseous, but since your first event was over a year ago... Idk.


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No she isn't pregnant. She is actually single atm (I realize this doesn't mean she isn't pregnant LOL) and has been single for almost a year so that's not it. @TNT2015 She's also the type of person who couldn't keep that secret for very long so I would know by now haha! I'm starting to wonder if it is jealousy a bit on her part like was said before. I really hope it's not since I'm not the type to rub things in people's faces, so I'll feel badly if she feels like I am


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#22 veryvalentine

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 06:39 AM

I can totally see how it is frustrating.  We kept things simple for our own sanity and are just having the Destination WEdding.  We had an engagement party last September to announce our destination wedding idea and we had a photobooth that printed the save the date cards for everyone to keep.  We knew that for our group of friends and family, asking them to attend other events in addition to flying out would be a lot and would also be stress for us to organize all these extra things.

 

It could be so many reasons that she can't come...it could be money and she just doesn't want you to feel sorry for her.  I have been a BM sooooo many times and I remember bailing on a shower that I was a part of the bridal party.  At the time I was single and I didn't realize how 'not cool' that move was. I remember just not having the money for the train ticket and I didn't want to say it was money so I just said I had something.   I think until you are a bride sometimes you dont' know how your actions could be taken.  I now look back at some of the things I did and realize that I wasn't very understanding to the bride.  AT the time I only thought about my time and didn't realize that the wedding isn't just one day, but you are supporting the bride through the process.  Don't get me wrong, I was a great bridesmaid but I do recognize some of the things I did do, or didn't do...and I think it sometimes happens but it doesn't mean it happens out of malice. 

 

This BM is coming to your wedding, she's booked and paid so maybe that's all she can really do right now. 

 

This reminds me of something that happened this weekend.  The FI and I have been counting down since 300 days....every day, countdown is on for us.... just yesterday someone posted something on FB saying ,...ok guys lets start the countdown.  I love that they are excited but we've been counting down for a while now.  Nobody is going to be as excited for you or happy for you as you and your FI are.  (that was advice given to me from another member on this forum). 



 
 
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#23 IzzyDeee

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 07:01 AM

Yea I totally hear you @veryvalentine
We have kept everything really simple as well; like I said we had an engagement party/wedding party party, which she couldn't go to, she couldn't come to my one bridal shower (even though at first she said she could), can't come to my bachelorette (which is only a one night thing and 10 of us are going so costs are way down! Even offered to pay for her), can't come to my other bridal shower (have told everyone not just her that gifts aren't needed but my future MIL wants to throw a shower LOL), and can't come to get her nails done the day before we leave for Jamaica with all of the girls! (That one really doesn't make sense since she will be driving right past where we are getting our nails done to get to the hotel at the airport! Makes even less sense since we are also going to be going to the hotel after we get our nails done too!)

Every single one of these events has been over 3 months apart to even 5 months apart! I've offered to drive and given her a room to stay the night but she keeps saying distance. I'm a very open person so I tried to talk to her about it and all she says is distance. It really hurts that that's her only reason since it's barely a 2 hr drive and I would do it for her if it was her wedding! And I think my MOH is even more excited about my wedding than I am at times!! Maggy is absolutely amazing and we've been friends since we were in grade 5! In her and my first cellphones we both wrote that we would be each others MOH when either of us got married Still can't believe it's happening


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#24 veryvalentine

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 07:14 AM

Awww that's totally cute.  I'm picture the big cellphones from legally blonde.  aww.

 

 

I'm totally stuck - I can't make sense out of it.  Does she get along with the other BMs maybe she's just not that into hanging out with all those girls? 

 

One thing I'm practising right now is when I get disappointed (which has been happening a lot) I try to switch out the feeling of disappointment with gratitude.  I try to think of something that I'm thankful for and focus on that. 

 

 

It seems like you've maxed out what you can really do to try and drag her out to these events.  lol 



 
 
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My planning thread:  http://www.bestdesti...unset-princess/

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#25 IzzyDeee

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 07:21 AM

Awww that's totally cute. I'm picture the big cellphones from legally blonde. aww.


I'm totally stuck - I can't make sense out of it. Does she get along with the other BMs maybe she's just not that into hanging out with all those girls?

One thing I'm practising right now is when I get disappointed (which has been happening a lot) I try to switch out the feeling of disappointment with gratitude. I try to think of something that I'm thankful for and focus on that.


It seems like you've maxed out what you can really do to try and drag her out to these events. lol


Lmao! Pretty much @veryvalentine

I know I feel lost with what to do, so I've decided I don't care. That may sound harsh but I can't care about this on top of other worries to do with the wedding! And she was one of the first people who booked after me and my FI of course LOL! So really seems weird. But like I said everything will be irie!


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#26 veryvalentine

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 07:29 AM

It's not harsh AT ALL...it's actually all you can do.  You put in so much time planning and so much money to execute your planning that you really can't give too much importance to someone who is just not getting it.

 

Honestly, I've been in her position before where I just didn't commit to a lot of the bridal activities, I just didn't particularly like participating in them and that's why I didn't even want a shower for myself.  I hate attending them.  But anyway, as someone who has been in her position, do not take it personally.  Just focus on your day, she'll be at the wedding and that's all you can count on her for and that's fine.  :)


Edited by veryvalentine, 30 March 2015 - 07:37 AM.


 
 
Married on June 20th, 2015 at the Grand Sunset Princess Riviera Gazebo & Reception at the Chill Out with 60 guests
 
 

My planning thread:  http://www.bestdesti...unset-princess/

My review thread:  http://www.bestdesti...incess-wedding/


#27 IzzyDeee

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 07:36 AM

It's not harsh AT ALL...it's actually all you can do. You put in so much time planning and so much money to execute your planning that you really can't give too much importance to someone who is just not getting it.

Honestly, I've been in her position before where I just didn't commit to a lot of the bridal activities, I just didn't particularly like participating in them and that's why I didn't even want a shower for myself. I hate attending them. But anyway, as someone who has been in her position, do not take it personally. Just focus on your day, she'll be at the wedding and that's all you can count on her for her and that's fine. :)


Very sound advice @veryvalentine just what I needed to hear and it helps to rant a bit


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#28 JenniferH114

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 10:18 AM

@IzzyDeee - So, this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I don't think the situation is as serious as it's being made out to be. I'm not going to say you are overreacting, because emotions are hard to control and you feel how you feel. I just think that too often brides get hung up on me, me, me. I'm speaking generally now, not just about you. Yes, this is "our" day and we should feel special, but sometimes it's important to take a step back and realize that not everyone will be as enthusiastic about your wedding and wedding events as you are, and that's okay. I specifically told everyone that we are not having a shower or bachelor/bachelorette party because people coming on the trip is celebration enough for us, and we couldn't imagine asking for additional gifts. That is obviously a personal decision that we made, and I'm not saying that choosing to have those events is wrong, but sometimes people don't realize just how much they are asking of someone. All of these events add up in time and money. Just because someone "signs on" to be a bridesmaid shouldn't necessarily mean they are contractually obligated to be at every event you ask them to attend. I completely understand being upset and hurt because she is a close friend of yours, but there is likely something more to it. Having to drive 2.5 hours is not the end of the world, but for some people that's a hefty round trip to make multiple times. If she booked her trip and already paid in full, I would try to focus your energy on being grateful for that. She will be there to support you on the day the matters most.

 

I'm really not trying to put you down in saying this. I'm just trying to offer a different perspective.


Edited by JenniferH114, 30 March 2015 - 10:19 AM.


#29 IzzyDeee

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 10:48 AM

@IzzyDeee - So, this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I don't think the situation is as serious as it's being made out to be. I'm not going to say you are overreacting, because emotions are hard to control and you feel how you feel. I just think that too often brides get hung up on me, me, me. I'm speaking generally now, not just about you. Yes, this is "our" day and we should feel special, but sometimes it's important to take a step back and realize that not everyone will be as enthusiastic about your wedding and wedding events as you are, and that's okay. I specifically told everyone that we are not having a shower or bachelor/bachelorette party because people coming on the trip is celebration enough for us, and we couldn't imagine asking for additional gifts. That is obviously a personal decision that we made, and I'm not saying that choosing to have those events is wrong, but sometimes people don't realize just how much they are asking of someone. All of these events add up in time and money. Just because someone "signs on" to be a bridesmaid shouldn't necessarily mean they are contractually obligated to be at every event you ask them to attend. I completely understand being upset and hurt because she is a close friend of yours, but there is likely something more to it. Having to drive 2.5 hours is not the end of the world, but for some people that's a hefty round trip to make multiple times. If she booked her trip and already paid in full, I would try to focus your energy on being grateful for that. She will be there to support you on the day the matters most.

I'm really not trying to put you down in saying this. I'm just trying to offer a different perspective.


I totally understand your perspective @JenniferH114 and I've never once said its all about me because it's not; it's about the Union of two people who love and are committed to one another. I'm not upset over the fact that she hasn't come to anything (yes it is a bit of an annoyance but not the huge deal), what the matter is is that she agrees to come and then bails last minute or just doesn't show up altogether, without telling me. I never planned on having a shower or bachelorette either but my MOH and bridesmaids all wanted to do it (her being one of them) so it doesn't make sense for her to be put off by the events when she's the main one that wanted them! (Besides my MOH of course!) I also never said any of my girls have to be at every event that was planned, since I don't want to go to all of them either LOL!
I have never made any of my bridesmaids feel like they have to come or anyone for that matter, but why agree to be a bridesmaid if you're only going to show up for the wedding? Why not just be a guest?If my wedding was in Canada she still wouldn't come to any of the events.

I've told everyone no gifts but people always do and I've offered to drive like I've said, offered her a room at my place so it wouldn't even cost her anything but her time if she came! This wouldn't bother me if she came to just ONE thing, like with all of us getting our nails done the day before we go(which is cheaper here than in Jamaica!) but she can't even though she will be passing right by like I've said.

I'm not like most brides I'm almost too relaxed! People have told me they have to check me for an actual heartbeat to make sure I'm still alive!! I have one bridesmaid who has been in countless weddings and actually was a bride herself 2 years ago; who tells me she can't even tell I'm a bride. I'm super laid back which is why it's taken me over a year of this silliness for me to even care LOL! Like I've said I've had huge amounts of time between events.


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