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One Bridesmaid Driving Me Nuts! (Rant)


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#1 IzzyDeee

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Posted 27 March 2015 - 03:38 PM

I'm sorry to post a rant but I am really upset!

Is it just me or is it rude for a bridesmaid who every time something is planned; ie. Bachelorette, bridal shower, pre wedding manicure and shopping dates ext, skips out at the last minute with some lame excuse about how she can't make it based on distance?! Yes she has paid in full to come to my wedding and always says she's excited to be a part of it, but anytime it comes to her actually coming and participating in things she is always busy or can't come because of the distance; which is only 2.5 hours. (Good length of time but she agreed to be a bridesmaid and hasn't come to ANYTHING I've planned!)

She couldn't come to the bridal/groom party, party (so everyone could meet and get to know each other a bit before the week long trip), couldn't come to my first bridal shower, can't come to my bachelorette which is only on Saturday night to Sunday in Niagara, and also can't come to my next bridal shower! I am also planning to get manicures and pedicures with the girls and my mom the day before we leave, but now she doesn't think she can come since she's going to stay at the hotel in Toronto for the flight the next day. It's driving me nuts! She's excluding herself from everything and it's making it really hard for me to stay as excited about having her there for the week if she's going to be standoffish with everyone.

Am I just over thinking it?? Maybe I'm just taking it to heart to much, but it is hurting my feelings; it's like my wedding doesn't mean anything at all to her and she's one of my bridesmaids! I've tried to help make it easier for her to make it to things but she always has another excuse as to why she can't go.

I'm just so fed up.


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#2 calgarybride2015

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Posted 27 March 2015 - 03:52 PM

I think your feelings are legit and I don't think you are over thinking it too much.

 

The manis/pedis, pre-wedding get together, etc. I can see her not making a long trip for BUT with only a 2.5 hour commute I personally would drive for my friend's bridal shower and bachelorette parties, even more so if I was in the wedding party.

 

My MOH and one of my BM's live 12 hours away and we did a lot of these 'extras' in the winter so of course I wouldn't expect them to drive here! and flying from northern BC is SUPER expensive.    I had one BM in Calgary and she did everything - bless her heart. Love her.

 

So I think you are justified and I would be upset too.  2.5 hours in the whole scheme of things isn't that large. If I was her, I would atleast try to attend one, if not two, of the larger events.   Some I can see her passing on.

 

Hugs!!!      

 

Your feelings are probably a bit more sensitive now because your wedding is sneaking up. I was a freaking mess in the last month - like a mess!!! - so I totally understand where you are coming from.  Thankfully my LARGE drama was all in the early stages.


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#3 IzzyDeee

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Posted 27 March 2015 - 04:04 PM

It's just so crazy because she is going to be passing right by Cambridge on her way to Toronto to get to the hotel, which is where I live!! Like she can't come earlier and make a quick stop to get her nails done with all of us?
I understand her not being able to make it to certain events because we all have our own lives; but she has literally came to nothing. I barley got her to the dress shop to do a fitting!!

My MOH is super amazing! I was in a huge car accident in October so she has been my right hand through everything! @calgarybride2015 Gotta love those friends you can truly count on. I can honestly say that weddings prove exactly who your real friends are in life! I'm feeling calmer now LOL! Just really hurts when it's a fresh wound.


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#4 kellymiller

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Posted 27 March 2015 - 04:14 PM

I agree that you have the right to be annoyed/angry/hurt about the situation, I know I would be! She should have made an effort to go to your bachelorette and at least one bridal shower!

 

BUT to play devil's advocate here maybe there is something else going on with her that you don't know about? Maybe she can't afford all those little trips, because in total it would be a lot! I'm not sure if it's 2.5 hours one way or round trip, but that adds up to a lot of time and money for gas! Has she met the rest of the bridal party? Maybe she didn't like someone or is afraid she won't fit in if she doesn't know them? I'm just speculating here, but there might be another reason for not attending your wedding functions. At least she has paid and is attending the wedding! :)

 

My MOH pulled out at the booking deadline, so I had to ask one of my BM to step up. I knew it was coming because any time we talked over the year I was planning the wedding she always said she was broke or would have to book last minute because she couldn't save any money.



#5 IzzyDeee

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Posted 27 March 2015 - 04:21 PM

I agree that you have the right to be annoyed/angry/hurt about the situation, I know I would be! She should have made an effort to go to your bachelorette and at least one bridal shower!

BUT to play devil's advocate here maybe there is something else going on with her that you don't know about? Maybe she can't afford all those little trips, because in total it would be a lot! I'm not sure if it's 2.5 hours one way or round trip, but that adds up to a lot of time and money for gas! Has she met the rest of the bridal party? Maybe she didn't like someone or is afraid she won't fit in if she doesn't know them? I'm just speculating here, but there might be another reason for not attending your wedding functions. At least she has paid and is attending the wedding! :)

My MOH pulled out at the booking deadline, so I had to ask one of my BM to step up. I knew it was coming because any time we talked over the year I was planning the wedding she always said she was broke or would have to book last minute because she couldn't save any money.


I thought maybe money was the issue so I had offered to pick her up even! I know it's not money since she is also going to Australia and Europe this coming summer and fall; which she booked after paying for my wedding. I just want her to come and be a part of it! And she's met a couple people and really liked them and got along great! So I don't think she's nervous since she's the very outgoing type of person! She is very open with me and has never insinuated anything about funds or not liking anyone. Like I said I've even offered to pick her up! The only thing she ever has to say is that the drive is too far for her. @kellymiller Just disappointed to say the least


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#6 vancouverpetunia

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Posted 27 March 2015 - 04:34 PM

I've only been a bridesmaid twice and it really was too far to make it to most events. I live in Vancouver and the respective brides live in Portland, OR and Toronto. However thinking back to one wedding where I was a guest, it just seemed like event after event. I remember being somewhat annoyed at the whole thing and all the costs I was incurring (even if money isn't really an issue, it can still bug you). Do keep in mind it's your special day and I'm sure she's very happy and excited for you, but it's your wedding, not hers. We can get very wrapped up in our own excitement and big event but it's probably not the centre of her universe like it is yours :) Maybe there's even some jealously if she is single? Try not to stress about it and enjoy your friends who can be more involved.


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#7 IzzyDeee

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Posted 27 March 2015 - 04:42 PM

Believe me I realize not everyone cares about every event but she hasn't made an effort to come to even a single one @vancouverpetunia the first event was over a year ago with the next one not being until a month or so ago and the next event is my bachelorette on April 11th which she can't come to either. My other bridal shower is the next weekend and then we only have the next weekend and then the next we leave!! So it's not like I've had event after event after event! There have been months in between and tons of advanced notice as well as a few reminders closer to the date of the event and she acts like she is going to come and all excited but bails last minute. I'd prefer if she was just upfront with me and stated she didn't want to come so I don't get my hopes up! It's just common courtesy.

I will be enjoying my 2 weeks to the upmost fullest! If people are going to act shady I will just do me!


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#8 MissJen3

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Posted 27 March 2015 - 05:04 PM

I can see why you would be frustrated. I can distinctly remember 2 wedding events in the last 2 years (shower & bachelorette), that I have traveled quite the distance to be at. In both cases I wasnt even in the bridal parties, but the girls were my good friends so I went to celebrate with them. I am from just outside of Cambridge, and I managed to drive past Barrie for the shower as well as the bachelorette. I will admit that doing that drive, to and from, in less than 24 hours was not what I considered a good time. However, the time I spent with each of these girls was well worth it.  I cant help but wonder if there might something else that is preventing her from being there? I read that you dont think it is money, but could there be anything else?? Just seems strange that she would miss all of your wedding events for no reason other than the distance. 



#9 IzzyDeee

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Posted 27 March 2015 - 05:12 PM

I can see why you would be frustrated. I can distinctly remember 2 wedding events in the last 2 years (shower & bachelorette), that I have traveled quite the distance to be at. In both cases I wasnt even in the bridal parties, but the girls were my good friends so I went to celebrate with them. I am from just outside of Cambridge, and I managed to drive past Barrie for the shower as well as the bachelorette. I will admit that doing that drive, to and from, in less than 24 hours was not what I considered a good time. However, the time I spent with each of these girls was well worth it. I cant help but wonder if there might something else that is preventing her from being there? I read that you dont think it is money, but could there be anything else?? Just seems strange that she would miss all of your wedding events for no reason other than the distance.


I know right!? I've asked her a few times and she always just says distance. Well the one time she had to work which is a legit reason to not be able to attend! But every other time she just says it's too far for her; we even have a spare room I've told her she's free to use anytime! She always acts and talks super excited but when the event comes up she just can't come. Iva almost stopped asking her to come since I know the answer will always be no.

I'm not going to let it ruin my wedding but it's nice to be able to vent once in awhile to people who understand the wedding struggles!!


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#10 MissJen3

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Posted 27 March 2015 - 05:21 PM

This site is fantastic for venting. I think we all need it from time to time  :)






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