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Destination Weddings Perceived As Selfish?


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#21 TinkerSofi

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Posted 29 March 2015 - 08:56 AM

I feel the need to chime in here.

 

We are getting married next week in Cancun Mexico.

 

Selfish? Not wanting to stress out and pull your hair out planning a wedding? Selfish to not want to be married in the cold? Selfish to want to be totally catered to without having any pressure for wedding planning put on the family?

 

I AM SELFISH!!!

 

or WE are SELFISH!!!

 

It is OUR wedding, which celebrates the union of US. Yes he will become a part of the family but he technically isn't marrying them.

 

We figured that it would be wonderful if my parents could come, but we decided to do it regardless of whether or not it was just him and I on that beach with two borrowed witnesses. (oh and I am footing my MOH ticket fyi) and no we aren't rich.

 

What would be selfish in a bad way imo though is not giving friends and family enough advance notice to start putting some savings aside for the trip. We warned people a year in advance and sent out the invites in 8 months before the reserved date.

 

We are also holding a casual reception at our home for his family who didn't want to/couldn't go with cheese , crackers, and a bottle or two of bubbly for a toast.

 

If my friend was getting married in someplace like Maldives (I would love to go but cannot afford to) I would wish her the best and most happiness she could have as well as the most romantic and stress free wedding ever!!!

 

Selfish my a**!!!

 

I am blessed and fortunate that my family will be attending with my MOH who is a dear friend who I am excited as hell to have! Oh and a co-worker/friend is also coming.

I agree. It's one thing when people tell you they can't come for any number of reasons, and I'm totally cool with that. It's another when they put it on you and call you selfish. I would be happy for my friend, yeah, maybe a little sad that I couldn't go, but at the end of the day it's my friend who needs to be happy, not me haha. 

 

Only a couple of friends tried to pin it on us and it hurt at the time, now I don't really care what they think. They can stay here and be bitter while I have the time of my life over in Mexico hahah! One of these people is still trying to talk other friends out of booking! Even though he already did once and cost them $400 when they didn't book with our group. He said he's not coming, so I don't even know why he's still trying to convince people not to come. That's what makes me angry. 



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#22 calgarybride2015

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Posted 29 March 2015 - 09:00 AM

I agree. It's one thing when people tell you they can't come for any number of reasons, and I'm totally cool with that. It's another when they put it on you and call you selfish. I would be happy for my friend, yeah, maybe a little sad that I couldn't go, but at the end of the day it's my friend who needs to be happy, not me haha.

Only a couple of friends tried to pin it on us and it hurt at the time, now I don't really care what they think. They can stay here and be bitter while I have the time of my life over in Mexico hahah! One of these people is still trying to talk other friends out of booking! Even though he already did once and cost them $400 when they didn't book with our group. He said he's not coming, so I don't even know why he's still trying to convince people not to come. That's what makes me angry.

Are you serious? He isn't going but he's working to get others not to go either? What does he tell them as an excuse not to go? Like what's his justification?

And all I can wonder is - what the hell type of friend is he? That would be enough for me to call friends off. WHO in their right mind tries to convince people not to attend a wedding. I'm dumbfounded.

All I can assume is that he feels bad so if others don't go his guilt is less.


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Edited by calgarybride2015, 29 March 2015 - 09:00 AM.

-Kim

Married on 2015/01/21 at the Grand Sirenis Riviera Maya with 43 guests in attendance   :)

 

Planning Thread - http://www.bestdesti...s-riviera-maya/

 

Wedding Pictures http://www.bestdesti...ra-maya/page-36

 

Wedding Review http://www.bestdesti...31#entry1885600

 

 


#23 TinkerSofi

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Posted 29 March 2015 - 09:10 AM

Are you serious? He isn't going but he's working to get others not to go either? What does he tell them as an excuse not to go? Like what's his justification?

And all I can wonder is - what the hell type of friend is he? That would be enough for me to call friends off. WHO in their right mind tries to convince people not to attend a wedding. I'm dumbfounded.

All I can assume is that he feels bad so if others don't go his guilt is less.


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Yeah, Juan is just done with him and he's trying to talk to his other friends before this guy gets to them and brain washes them. This "friend" keeps telling the other guys that it's really expensive and that they can book last minute for cheaper, that the hotel is boring, or that the rooms are too far away from the beach, that the hotel is full of honeymooners, etc. He's just a total manipulator and I don't get his angle to be honest. I told Juan I don't even want him there at this point, he's a total shit stirrer and he's only going to cause trouble and ruin our vacation/wedding. He's the type that will come a week before the wedding saying he's now coming and he's booked. Juan is pretty upset because this guy is LOADED and he will spend half of what it costs to come to Mexico in one weekend of partying. He is totally dumbfounded too! He really had expected him to be the most responsive out of all his friends but now this happened. 

 

I told Juan his friends have until May to book, whoever doesn't book then is not coming to the wedding because I'm not asking for special permission from the hotel to add more people after having everything finalized and paid for. These guys had over a year to decide and book something. It's just too bad that this "friend" is trying to sway everyone his way when right now it looks like he won't even be coming :(



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#24 hellosassypants

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Posted 29 March 2015 - 04:02 PM

Destination weddings


Did you ended up deleting your response?

N&C

April 17, 2015

Gran Caribe Real (Cancun, Mexico)

Including Bride & Groom: 22 guests (19 adults & 3 children)


#25 jaspbri0317

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Posted 14 April 2015 - 07:33 PM

if there's EVER an appropriate time in your life to be "selfish"....it would be your wedding!!!

#26 BecomingaRiggio

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Posted 15 April 2015 - 04:33 AM

@TinkerSofi, what ever happened with this issue? He sounds like a real jerk. And maybe a little jealous that attention is on you and hubby. Give him a very polite F U

#27 diadiamond

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Posted 27 April 2015 - 02:01 PM

I remember reading on Weddingbee a while ago when I started planning my wedding that people thought that Destination weddings were selfish.  It totally ruined my mood about having a destination wedding, but after doing some more research I decided to have one and never looked back.  My wedding is less than 5 months away and I couldn't be happier!  

 

Most of our family loved the idea of us having a destination wedding as they also got a vacation out of it.  Pretty much everyone we invited loves to travel.  My MIL wasn't on board at all though and she kept trying to pressure us into having a traditional wedding.  She even threatened to not come to our wedding! 

 

I don't think having a destination wedding is selfish at all!  It is YOUR day after all and YOU should be able to do it YOUR way. A wedding is the celebration of a marriage, two people pledging to spend the rest of their lives together.  I hate how that message has become so lost.  I think that it would be selfish to be upset with people who cannot make it for a good reason.  

 

As destination brides there's a lot of challenges that we have to face.  Not having everyone I invited to the wedding RSVP for my wedding was one of mine.  My best friend can't make it, and that upset me a bit.  Some people that you think won't come may surprise you.

 

The biggest lessons I've learned through my planning experience are not to set too many expectations and not to take to heart the opinions of others.  You are planning your dream day and as long as the two of you will be married the day will be perfect.



 
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My Planning Thread:
 
 
 

#28 barcelobride2016

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Posted 22 June 2015 - 09:11 AM

That's hilarious, I've been singing "let it go" in my head when dealing with the negativity from people about doing a destination wedding!  Mostly my family unfortunately.  I feel like I've repeated myself a million times to people when I say please don't feel obligated to come, we understand it's a lot to ask.  I find it so funny that some of our closest friends who don't make a huge salary are super excited for us and will be there no matter what, when some immediate family members (siblings, my dad) who have tons of money are making us feel guilty.  It's so upsetting.  But...let it go....



#29 KatieMcBride

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Posted 22 June 2015 - 12:41 PM

Yup, been there already!! We got engaged Christmas Day and the SAME day, my uncle had the nerve to say we were selfish to expect people to use their hard earned vacation to come to our wedding and he thought it was rude of us to have a destination wedding. Excuse me? First of all, thanks for saying that on the day we got engaged. Second of alll, it's our freaking wedding - if you have that attitude, I don't even WANT you to come.
 
My best friend has been pretty rude about the whole thing too. I honestly think she's just bitter about me getting married in general (she's in a crappy relationship and she's a few years older so feels she "should" be getting married before me, etc).  She's made it clear that she's probably not going to come and it really hurt at first, but I honestly don't really care anymore.  As long as my fiancĂ© and immediate family are there, anyone else that comes is just a bonus!  It's our day and we're doing what makes US happy. :)





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