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Mrsktobe
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... Who had their destination wedding feel like they were completely overwhelmed and over stimulated by the end of it? I had a fantastic time, don't get me wrong but part of me feels like I disappointed people by not being able to duplicate myself into 50 different people. I already have had one friend complain that I didn't spend enough time with her - no one else has said anything but I am feeling terrible. We stayed at a mega resort which was maybe part of the problem? I felt like I tried and tried to visit with everyone but in the end, I just couldn't do it.. Ugh.. anyone else go through this?

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I'm so worried about this because I put so much pressure on myself that I need to keep everyone occupied and entertained, but at the end of the day people need to understand that you have a lot of guests and unfortunately can't spend all your time with everyone. You also need to spend time with your fiancé and enjoy yourself. You are not a clown and your job is not to keep people entertained. Maybe your friend didn't say it to make you feel bad, I'm sure she understands that it was impossible to do more than what you did. I know I'll end up super overwhelmed by the end of the week, which is why we wanted to stay another week by ourselves but it just won't be possible due to finances. Don't beat yourself up over it. If your guests didn't have fun or whatever, that's their problem because it's honestly impossible to get bored there haha. You're only two people and they need to understand that this was a vacation for everyone, including you and your fiancé.

 

 

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I think what you are feeling is probably very normal.  I have had my concerns over this as well, but on the flip side it is also their vacation and you can only do so much.  You aren't responsible for the fun they had, etc.   I think this is partially why I also encouraged the singles to bring a plus one.    You can't be in 50 places and you can't always be with everyone entertaining them.  If you had time to spend with everyone at some point thru out the week I think you did the best you could.   The wedding has demands of you, you have 50 people to see/spend time with, and you also want some time with your new husband - you are only one person!!!   Sorry your friend made you feel that way.  It's probably par for the course, but try not to let it bother you.  I also have to throw in that I am travelling with my 2 kids who's needs will always come first.

 

I appreciate your feelings though. I had my bachelorette last weekend and I didn't get to spend a lot of time with everyone.  We had a casino night at my friends home, so you socialized with the people at your table but when things changed up if you still weren't at the same table with X, you just missed them.  I don't think anyone was troubled by this, but I feel a little guilty. I just made sure to thank everyone for coming. 

 

Most people understand.

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Thanks ladies  - just feeling a bit down about it. I am such a people pleaser and I feel bad about a lot of things and probably dwell on things way more than the average person. I always wonder if there was something I could of done differently or changed but honestly, when I look back at it is, there wasn't. We told everyone each day where we were going to be if people wanted to see us (stayed at the same part of the beach everyday) so when it comes down to it, we did try. It's just hard when a friend tells you how disappointed she was when you tried everything in your power to make everyone happy. Oh well. Talking to my mom about it this morning shed some light on it - like you said, it's not our job to keep everyone entertained, if it was a wedding at home, most people would understand. I'm reading a book called the four agreements right now and once of the best quotes in it is "often people's reactions to things have nothing to do with you" so I'm trying to keep that in mind.

 

I think I will feel better about once I have had more "hermit" time. Still feeling way too overstimulated and overwhelmed. Happy though :) If I can offer any advice, as bad as this sounds, focus on yourselves but you two ladies seem like you know that. Being a people pleaser has left me with feelings of inadequacy here when they shouldn't.

 

Oh well. At the end of the day I married the love of my life and I just have to keep the focus on that.

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I'm also a people pleaser and generally I think we take on a lot more guilt than needed. Ie - we assume people are feeling or thinking or expecting something they aren't. But this situation makes it harder because it was verbalized.

 

All you can do is trust you did all you could and try to move on. You did marry the love of your life and that's all that matters. :)

 

 

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I hate to say it but if you had a traditional wedding, it is even less time with guests as the event is just a few hours instead of a few days with guests.

 

My advice is to not over-plan.  plan on spending many hours by the pool, on the beach, at the bar with your friends.  those are the moments that you are going to remember.  Also, i tell our clients to try to stay a minimum of 4 night.  3 nights is too short and you will feel rushed.  5-6 nights are better.  For brides try to stay 6-7 nights so you can get most of the planning stuff out of the way before your guests get to the resort so you can spend more time with them.

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We stayed for two weeks. It was absolutely amazing, but I can totally empathize with you on this one! We had 80 guests come along as well. My husbands family lives across the country for us, and we sort of felt as though most of our time was spent with them. I know that for the most part, everyone understood that we were pulled in so many directions, but we still felt the pressure!!

 

I wouldn't have changed any of it though! We seriously had to pinch ourselves because there will never be a time again in our lives where we have 80 of our closest friends and family right there with us for a whole week..an exhausting, crazy week, but yay! Lol

 

We actually planed on staying two weeks with the second being our honeymoon...but many people decided to stay on for part of all if that week. It was really nice for some reasons as we got to see those we hadn't had the chance to visit as much, but we never got a whole lot of alone time...time to plan another trip!!

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We stayed for two weeks. It was absolutely amazing, but I can totally empathize with you on this one! We had 80 guests come along as well. My husbands family lives across the country for us, and we sort of felt as though most of our time was spent with them. I know that for the most part, everyone understood that we were pulled in so many directions, but we still felt the pressure!!

 

I wouldn't have changed any of it though! We seriously had to pinch ourselves because there will never be a time again in our lives where we have 80 of our closest friends and family right there with us for a whole week..an exhausting, crazy week, but yay! Lol

 

We actually planed on staying two weeks with the second being our honeymoon...but many people decided to stay on for part of all if that week. It was really nice for some reasons as we got to see those we hadn't had the chance to visit as much, but we never got a whole lot of alone time...time to plan another trip!!

Thank-you. It's nice to know that I am not the only one. I had an amazing time as well, I think with the one friend saying something to me kind of put me down about it and now I am questioning everything. I think if I could go back and change anything, I would of picked a smaller resort but that's about it. Just talking it out on here and seeing your responses is showing me there is nothing else I could of done. I did spend time with a lot of people and spread myself thin so I could, so I shouldn't be feeling as guilty as I could. Ughh.. you know how it is though. Just overstimulated. I think if we would of had only a week with guests I would of felt differently but we had guests for two weeks mixed in with mother in law drama. I think I just need to relax really.

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I am such a people pleaser, it's almost painful haha. For the longest time I didn't have any social functions at my house because of the way they made me feel, totally inadequate, stressed out because I worried so much about people getting bored or what they might think of the party I put together. I've gotten better at it and through trial and error I found out that people have a good time when you have a good time. It's kinda funny how that works. I'm really trying to prepare myself mentally because I know for a fact I will struggle with the same feelings as you. "are people having fun?" "am i distributing my time evenly among my guests?" and the list of self-demands goes on and on. 

 

Anyway, I think you shouldn't worry too much about what your friend said. I personally think she was the one with unrealistic expectations and it's somewhat unfair to you. It sounds to me like you did everything you could and I'm sorry she felt that way but like you said, it probably isn't about you. 

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The other thing you have to remember is that you spent so much time planning..... and now it's done. It's such a build up for really what amounts to a short period of time in spite of being in a fabulous resort. It's a bit of a let down once it's all done! lol I know that sounds silly but think about all the time you've spent planning everything. Weddings have a way of taking over your life in the planning stage and then boom. You're a newlywed. It's a magical moment and then you're an ordinary person again. And if you've been living together for any length of time.... We got home from Jamaica and thankfully had our AHR to plan but seriously - we got home and sort of sat and looked at each other and asked what now? lol Stupid I know. The one thing we made sure when we got home was that we kept the "newlywed" even at our age and even being together as long as we have. I wouldn't worry too much about what happened during your wedding week. I still wonder if I spent enough time with our guests at our reception and people still talk about how much fun it was. Have some fun being married! You're a newly wed! Enjoy being with the man you love!

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