Jump to content

What's The Etiquette For People Who Declined Before The Invitations?


Recommended Posts

One of my bridesmaid has informed me that her and her husband cannot make it to our wedding due to financial reasons. I completely understand where she is coming so I'm not upset. I expected this already to happen with our DW. I'm bummed about it but I'm not upset. My sister (who is my MOH) and my brother cannot cannot attend our wedding also. So what do you do for the invitations for the people who already declined and told you ahead of time? Should I still send them a formal invitation knowing they cannot make it? Do I still send it as a polite gesture? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One of my bridesmaid has informed me that her and her husband cannot make it to our wedding due to financial reasons. I completely understand where she is coming so I'm not upset. I expected this already to happen with our DW. I'm bummed about it but I'm not upset. My sister (who is my MOH) and my brother cannot cannot attend our wedding also. So what do you do for the invitations for the people who already declined and told you ahead of time? Should I still send them a formal invitation knowing they cannot make it? Do I still send it as a polite gesture? 

 

This is a hard one and was addressed not to long ago - will try to remember under which thread.

 

Personally for me I felt that if people politely declined before invites were sent out you didn't have to send one. Like that was their RSVP.... but, I had a friend tell me point blank to count her out. So knowing that I didn't send her an invite and months later I found out she had been in a 'tiff' about it all this time and hasn't really spoken to me since.  I told her why I didn't send the invite, and got no response so I decided to just move on and not engage in the high school behavior.

 

That said, I think you should just send one for a couple reasons - to avoid these feelings and so they have a nice keepsake!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So glad you asked this question! Been wondering the same thing....it to me seems like a waste to send invitations to people who after they received our save the date, said they wont be able to make it. However, my sister its still proper to send invitations to everyone ....but my passport invitations are expensive lol so decided only sending to those that are coming and those that havent outright declined. oh and to my grandmother who cant make it because I know she would keep it as a keepsake :)

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

EKKK!  :o  This thread scares me a bit, into thinking I'm being rude!??

 

I have decided on ordering rather elaborate "Message in a Bottle" invitations (gorgeous labelled glass bottles, with sand, seas shells & script inside, comes in a box wrapped with fishnet) which run about $17.50 EACH (plus shipping to me, then the shipping to each of my guests!) For cost reasons, I thought it would be okay, only to send them to people who were attending, as a keepsake, especially when they're spending $1300+ to attend our wedding  - plus they will receive OOT bags upon arriving and favors at the reception...

 

Would it be faux pas to do the above (invites only to guests) and then afterwards, send out Thank You cards with a nice photo of the wedding, to ALL that were invited instead???

 

It's my first go around here, so any feedback would be helpful! ;)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@@JennyZ wow your invitations sound really special. Who wouldn't get excited receiving an invitation like that!

 

Ok here's my thoughts, if you care about them and genuinely want them to attend regardless of the save the date responses, you should go ahead and make the splurge (maybe a thrifty splurge mentioned below) and send an invite.

 

Couple reasons;

 

You might be surprised that some people may change their minds once they receive an actual invitation. Get to thinking about it more....It happened to me.

 

Not that weddings are about gifts AT ALL. Destination weddings are a splurge in and of themselves for any attendee so I believe it is pretty common for people not to give gifts or if so maybe small, but upon receiving an invitation maybe your loved ones that can't go will bless you in other ways.

 

You won't have any doubt or regrets your mind will be clear that you sent everyone an invitation.

 

Any invite is better no invite. Maybe send a different invitation to those who may not attend?

Could get tricky if it's siblings and one receives a different invite than the other so exercise caution here.

 

Although most of my side of the family can't attend (how'd I get the short end of the stick lol) they wanted to and I wanted them to feel apart of it so I sent them an invitation. Having done so I do not regret it and am very confident the time and effort was worth it.

 

I made all of my invitations myself. Each invitation took about 2 hours a piece to make. I cut down card stock for main invitation, RSVP, and extra info cards. Painted waves with watercolor paint. Printed everything. Adhered them to pocket invitations, applied ribbons... So forth.

Take some time and let your heart be your guide!

 

:)

Hope this helps.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@@LisaAnthonyPoppy Thank you so much for the wonderful response! So awesome to have such nice ladies out here for us to reach out to! Your reply made me smile (and laugh about your short end of the stick! lol!) and really warmed my heart :wub:

 

Your invitations sound SO NICE!!!! I hope everyone who receives them realizes how much love (and time) you poured into them!!!

 

Here's my tricky part... We didn't actually send out "Save the Dates"  :wacko:  We actually sent out an explanation letter, advising our friends and family, what our plans were and giving them links to view the resort, the package information, etc. We then made a Wedding Website and sent out the links for everyone to view our plans and to RSVP from there.

 

The deposit date is now only 24 days away, so yesterday I sent out a "reminder" email to all guests and asked for them to RSVP on our site. We have had about 10 people straight up say, they 100% CANNOT attend, due to their work, school, or financial reasons - Do I still send them invites??? Seems a little odd, sending them an invite AFTER they have expressed they will not attend, no? Almost like a guilt trip? lol!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@@JennyZ

 

Ahhhhh I see I see.... Mind if I share a similar experience with you? Didn't think so ;) so I will begin.

 

How you handle your accommodations, RSVPs, and overall logistics is very personal and should be because after all it is YOUR beautiful wedding.

 

Down memory lane...

I did what you did. Sent the email to family. Had a great idea that everyone could stay at this big villa sol y luna. It could all be so perfect ... Syke!

 

The email was sent announcing our wedding location, the villa we wanted to stay at and some other stuff, probably similar to yours. Immediately I had people say they couldn't come. So I omitted the regretful parties off of the circular. :)

 

Then I wanted everyone to tell me when they could have their deposits in and so forth.

 

That was a flop :(

 

Everyone's budget was different, everyone's needs were different.

 

We needed to let people book their own accommodations.

 

Some places you do need to get a head count and enough rooms together ahead of time to get the group rates, I totally understand that!

 

... But some you do not!

We had the same dilemma as you. We solved it by stopping while we were ahead of our selves mentally.

 

Sent out another email lol to tell everyone "just kidding" that we decided to shop around a bit more for lodging and once we found where we wanted to stay we would let people know and if they wanted to stay there great if not, no biggie!

 

We found a great place eventually that gave me a wedding code so if family wanted to stay they could and they could book whenever they wanted! No longer did we have to worry about when people had their deposit together, if they RSVP, etc etc.

 

Some people still haven't booked anything and the wedding is 6 months away! Some people booked at the same place as us! Some booked at an all inclusive Eco resort on the other side of Playa!

And you know what? We don't need to worry anymore.

 

Although we bumped people who we knew weren't coming from receiving occasional updates, when the time came, we sent our invitations... To everyone. They were received very well. They were very much appreciated.

 

So, if me sharing how we handled our initial planning makes things a little clearer for you then I'm happy! But by all means you can totally be in a wedding frenzy and crazy like me and we still love ya!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


  • Best Destination Wedding Sponsors



    Facebook Pinterest Google+ Twitter
  • Posts

    • What are you doing for your wedding's road signs? so that your visitors will know where to turn to enter the area. Any pictures? I had created some road signs with a nearby signage business. However, I want to create 2 additional signs. Please provide images so that I may alter my design.
    • The two people who matters the most in this situation? You and your partner. It is nice to get an outside opinion but if you have too much of it? It will get messy! I am replying you my response after that has happened to me with my wedding. Although it is quite hard, do not think of the negative opinions. The people who will turn up to your wedding? You will always cherish them even more! That is what has happened with me because my friendship with the people who attended my wedding has improved so much more that I know I can rely on them and they can rely on me. It is disappointing that people will not attend your wedding but it is their loss, not yours. At the end of the day, when they see pictures and videos of your big day they will definitely regret missing out on such event. I am waiting to deal with the aftermath of my wedding from my so called friends, if they say anything they will get an earful! Happy planning, your big day will be worth it! Keep us up to date!
    • Wow, I cannot believe it's been over a year since I last posted! Better keep everyone up to date as everything ended up positive in the end! So, let's start with the situation with W. From my previous post, I have serious consideration removing him from the groomsmen because of the hurtful things he has said to me. Not too after my second post, I asked him once again whether he wants to be part of the groomsmen. The response was around the lines of "I need more solid information". This was before the restriction were lifted. Then he said it was down to finances yet again, even though he said he could have made it but because of what A said, W didn't commit no more. As W was being difficult, I decided to drop him as a groomsmen altogether and replaced him with someone else. Plan B was already in motion and tbh, I wish I did this first to avoid any hassle. Everyone who got invited in plan B all committed themselves to the wedding!  The situation with A is this. I was feeling sad that I was losing this friendship and that spark with him was gone. By the time it was gone, A was "ready" to meet up with me to discuss life and the wedding. When I said I lost spark with him, I really did. I knew that he was ready to meet up with me because it was convenient for him. For example, he wanted to meet up with me because he was driving past my house or was in the area visiting his relative. If he was not doing those things he would not want to meet up with me. Needless to say, every time he kept asking, I just said I was busy. I think deep down something was not right between me and A but he does not want to acknowledge it. I know that W had FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) because that's what he is like. Around the end of last year, rather than messaging me about the DW he went behind my back and asked my SO. He was scared of asking me because he knows if he asked me, I would literally get angry at him. He's nosey and was happy enough to be part of the groomsmen but he listened to A. W didn't asked once but twice to mg SO. My SO just said that she was busy and should ask me about the wedding, not her. W did messagee but not about the wedding plans. I felt this was a sly move by his part. If anything not having A and W there was a blessing in disguise. I met up with the other 4 groomsmen over one weekend and it turns out it was the most fun we all have had for a while. It was as if we continued from the previous conversations in the past as if nothing has changed. I am so glad and proud of this group of groomsmen and glad the other 2 dropped out. The suit fitting went really well and we hung out again to see whether the suits altered fitted or not.  Unfortunately my SO UK group, 5 out of 6 declined the invite. Only 1 accepted it. The other 5 had reasons ranging from good ones to poorer ones 😅 As long one of them turned up then it was good enough for us. My SO's bridesmaids also were amazing. No problems caused whatsoever and they were really excited that our wedding was abroad too! To make things work out before our DW, myself and SO planned out 2 weekends for both groomsmen and bridesmaids to hang out before the DW. We did this so we would not encounter any awkwardness for the first time in DW. Lo and behold, everyone got to know each other and we really are happy that the wedding party weekend went smoothly. I will keep this ambiguous because I do not want A and his group finding out. I got married to my SO this year. What time and month? I will leave this intentionally blank. The wedding itself was everything we have expected. The wedding planner was amazing. The photographer was also amazing too, so glad we went for him. The sneak peak photos are absolutely great, couldn't imagine that the photos turned out like that. The good itself was okay could be better but could be worse. The first dance went relatively well although my SO managed to cock up s move which only I know hahahaha. The wedding ceremony itself went really quickly. I was a bag of nerves to which one of the groomsmen bought the groomsmen a shot each to calm everyone down. It did calm me down for a little bit but the nerves started again with the speeches. I got emotional throughout the speeches. I was not expecting the tear up with the best man speech at all. My speech was meant for my SO but for some reason everyone in the room also cried as well 😂 The all night dancing and fun was the best bit. When every serious part was done, I was able to stop being nervous! The fun went through the whole night and I can see everyone really enjoyed themselves. It was as if myself and SO correctly guess that lockdown restrictions would end. Everyone was thankful that they managed to take part in the DW because they all have been stranded in the country for 3 years! Do I regret having a DW? Hell no! Although it was a smaller party everything was all under control. Everyone had a great time!  More information about my UK group. Some of them congratulated us which was nice to hear. Those congratulated us, I can keep contact. They knew it was difficult coming to DW. At least they are mature enough to say something about it and they did not get the invite. On the other hand, A and W kept constantly monitoring my account for updates along with my SO. It got to the point that W really FOMO that he I followed our stories/posts. A on the other hand is completely out of order. He was invited to DW but made it really uncomfortable to me that he was not happy with DW. During that week, he went on holiday to Spain. I get that Spain is much more cheaper than my DW but it still is annoying. A also said before that he has a few weddings to attend during our DW month. He has not attended any weddings which makes me think that he has lied to me. A and W has lied to me saying it was costly for them to come to my DW. They have both bought PlayStation 5 and went to many designer outlets. If they are so stumped on money why go and buy things? It just shows that they are not good friends at all. Overall good DW. I do not regret it one bit because I know if I did it in the UK, the experience will be a lot different. The UK definitely not as scenic as my DW! 🤣    
    • Hi ! Myself and partner got engaged 7 months ago and we quite quickly asked our friends who we wanted in our wedding party (e.g bridesmaids, MOH and best men etc) who all agreed. After searching many English venues we have decided that we want to marry abroad, our dream is Mexico. We have been and priced this up today and we are incredibly happy. So we have put this forward to our friends and family who we really want there and now we are facing issues. My MOH and my partners Best man are together with a child, they now will not come unless we change to Spain or Greece. My brother, his wife and nephew can only come in one set week which isn't the time we want to marry and also will not come to Mexico. And both our Grandmother's won't come to Mexico.   What do we do? Do we carry on and go to Mexico with the people who will come or do we change our dreams and go to Spain or Greece?  Thoughts please, I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to marry as I'm fed up of friends and family ruining our ideas and dreams with their opinions. 
    • What purpose does a ring actually have? I think they look nice, but to me, wearing a ring doesn’t mean a damn thing. I’m engaged. I’m in a happy, healthy and strong relationship. And to be fully honest if you are ever in a relationship that you’d be willing to risk because of the price of an engagement ring, your partner could do better.
  • Topics

×
×
  • Create New...