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wedding weirdness


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#1 brecluse

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    Posted 18 October 2007 - 11:33 AM

    So this is not really a vent or anything it's just a weird thing that's happening.

    My step-mom has cancer and because she is undergoing chemo right now her and my dad had to cancel their trip to the wedding. It's a total bummer for everyone because they were really looking forward to it and so were my FI and I.

    So FI has this really sweet idea that it would be great to surprise them and drive to Houston this weekend (she's there doing her scans and should be starting another round of chemo over the weekend) and basically get married in front of them. It's such a sweet idea that I was like "yes let's do it".

    However (you knew that was coming right?), now I'm feeling torn about it. Part of me thinks it's so sweet and it'll mean so much and it will make me feel a bit better about my dad not being there (not to mention a practice run might help calm me down a bit). Another part of me feels like we are compromising our vision of the wedding and diminishing what we'll do in the bvi and that makes me feel crummy. Then I feel guilty for thinking that because it's not like they want to miss the wedding.

    It's more complicated by the fact that if her scans come back today with no positive progress it may mean she skips chemo and goes home because if this chemo isn't helping I'm not sure if there are any options left. So then I'm not sure if the news is bad if we should try to still do this or if we should leave them alone or what.

    What do you guys think?
    TTD :: Tortola, BVI

    #2 Heidi

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      Posted 18 October 2007 - 11:39 AM

      (darn double post!)
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      #3 Heidi

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        Posted 18 October 2007 - 11:39 AM

        wow, talk about a tough decision! I can only tell you what I think I would do; and that would be to get married at home first.

        If you feel strongly about your step mom and dad seeing your wedding, I say go for it. Nobody needs to know that you did it besides the 4 of you (oh, and BDW! )

        If you feel strongly about getting married for the first & only time in the BVI, then do that.

        I just realized that my post is really NO HELP! haha, sorry!!!
        Married April 4, 2008 at the Riu Ocho Rios!

        #4 brecluse

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          Posted 18 October 2007 - 11:51 AM

          No it does help because I think of my initial gut reaction and I think we should get married here first, on the down low of course.

          I guess now I'm worried that her scans will come back bad and then I'm not sure how to handle that.
          TTD :: Tortola, BVI

          #5 cheese_diva

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            Posted 18 October 2007 - 01:17 PM

            I think you're dealing with two separate issues.. first if her scans come back.. you guys will need to deal with that regardless..

            I think it's probably very important for her to see the wedding. you should do it! We're getting married at the courthouse the day before we leave on the downlow.. nobody else needs to know what you guys did, but it would be so special for them to be a part of your day..

            I think you should do it! Go with your initial feelings.. seems like a beautiful gesture for someone who may not have alot of time left with you guys.. know what I mean?
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            #6 Rachelle E.

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              Posted 18 October 2007 - 02:03 PM

              I agree. I think getting married with them there is a great idea. I think that if I were a parent, it would help a lot to at least be able to be there for that...since I couldn't get to the "real" wedding in BVI. And if it makes you feel any better, a LOT of couples have their legal marriages here in the states before their DW...sometimes it's just simpler that way.

              I would do it. that being said, I would probably try to do it before her testing if possible....that way you don't all have a gazillion other things on your minds and you can enjoy it more...maybe go out for a nice lunch or dinner after?

              #7 dragonfly

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                Posted 18 October 2007 - 02:07 PM

                First off, I am so sorry.

                I think you should get married with your parents. It will mean the world to them, and at a time like this they need to feel how loved they are. I think you will just be sad that your dad is not there on your wedding day and that will take away from the day. Trust your fi I think he is most likely suggesting this because he knows deep in your heart it is the right thing for you and your family, your lucky to have a guy so tuned in to your feelings.

                I can tell you as I'm sure can so many of the other girls, that my wedding day was in no way less because we had legally married before we left. No one knew and it was kind of nice that we got to feel the love of marrying one another more then once.

                #8 Spazz

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                  Posted 18 October 2007 - 02:24 PM

                  I am so sorry you're going through this. I agree with the other ladies...you should get married in front of your dad and stepmom. I think it would mean so much to both them and to you and your FI.

                  #9 brecluse

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                    Posted 18 October 2007 - 02:27 PM



                    Thanks guys, you're all right. It's the right thing to do and after talking to the marriage license people yesterday it does seem like this will make the whole thing simpler for us when I go to change my name, etc.

                    Besides, it will mean so much to them and to me and you're right the "real" wedding will still be special and wonderful too.

                    And you're so right Kelly I am lucky to have someone so in touch with my feelings. Aww, I'm getting all choked up.
                    TTD :: Tortola, BVI

                    #10 brecluse

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                      Posted 18 October 2007 - 10:19 PM

                      Ok, so I guess you guys were really right. Matt talked with the BVI govt. officials today to figure out if we could have his college roommate perform our ceremony there (we thought that was possible), but it turns out that if we do the civil ceremony in the bvi the justice has to perform the ceremony. Soooo, we're doing a legal ceremony here for my dad and step mom tomorrow and our friend will do a personal ceremony for us in the bvi, but we won't do any paperwork there.

                      And the scans came back good. She had some tumors go away, some shrink and the largest didn't get any bigger. So progress.

                      Thanks so much for the kind words and for helping me see what I already knew. You guys rock!


                      TTD :: Tortola, BVI




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