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Fighting with Fiance

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I can totally relate. It feels like you're fighting with other people through your fiancee. Whoever said wedding planning is magical was LYING. I know it will work out in the end, but sometimes it sucks in the meanwhile!

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Originally Posted by newbb View Post

 

I can totally relate. It feels like you're fighting with other people through your fiancee. Whoever said wedding planning is magical was LYING. I know it will work out in the end, but sometimes it sucks in the meanwhile!

 

Yes, I just hope that when that day comes it feels like this was all a bad dream lol. that day BETTER be magical!

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Oh I feel your pain sooo much! Me & my FI have a history of ups & downs for the past 20+ years & now this wedding is such a pain in the *&^#! I recieved some great advice from a friend though, when you fight & bicker about the wedding, take a moment to breathe, then ask your FI whats the most anticipated moment about this wedding? Suddenly, it comes into focus what is really important. Nobody ever replies "The coral chair sashes that cost $300" 

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I am really glad these boards are here. It is nice to have someone to vent to that isn't going to judge everything that comes out of your mouth. If I say anything to anyone about how I am really feeling I just get the question "are you sure you want to marry him?" So I bottle it all up and end up being miserable and unhappy. I woke up at 3:30 am this morning feeling like my FI doesn't really love me. He has been sick the last 10 days and really grouchy to the point where I walked out to go to walmart the other night cause I was tired of getting barked at over stupid shit. This time it was because I was on the phone with my mom taking about our candy buffet and searching online for cheap candy prices. He wanted to use the computer at that very moment so everything became an arguement over stupid candy. We made up shortly there after but for some reason I woke up this morning questioning if I am supposed to marry him. he blames wedding planning for his lack of interest lately, but I easily put aside wedding shit to spend non wedding time with him. The problem is he spends most nights ignoring me completely to watch the news and search the Internet. I am tired of being ignored and feeling like a roommate and a maid. We got engages in december and this has been going on since january. Is this normal? Does it go away after the wedding planning disappears? My biggest fear is that this is reality and I don't want to live the rest of my life miserable. I am tired of hearing excuses from him that its all the weddings fault. I really don't know what to do and I can't talk to anyone else cause no one seems to be able to set aside judgement and just help me sort through the emotions.

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I'd suggest it might be time for a regular date night. Or at least a "wedding-internet-tv" is off limits night so you can enjoy each others company.

 

Wedding planning does tend to make you both grouchy - not that you're frustrated or unhappy with each other directly, but the overall stress of planning, the many decisions, etc. I like what another bride said -stop a minute, and think about what makes you guys love each other to begin with, and what's most important about your wedding day. Probably not the candy buffet or any of the other details. Maybe there's something about the wedding that he is stressed about, but hasn't shared so far (guys tend to NOT share stuff...).

 

My husband & I tend to veg on the couch in our downtime at home. -We sit at each end of the couch with our respective laptops. Sometimes I just have to put the laptop down and snuggle with him - that usually prompts him to close his laptop and we'll snuggle watching TV. We've been trying to make a point to do more things on the weekends, so we aren't just sitting around. Maybe it's just going to get something to eat. Maybe it's a movie, or a play, or shopping. Those shared experiences bring us closer, but it's awfully easy to get comfy at home and almost ignore each other. It takes effort, for sure.

 

Most importantly - you guys need to communicate about what you're feeling, and what you want your relationship to be like. If you are feeling ignored because he just wants to be on the internet or watch TV, then start planning other activities for the two of you. but communicate, communicate, communicate.

 

hang in there!!!!

Originally Posted by julikam View Post

I am really glad these boards are here. It is nice to have someone to vent to that isn't going to judge everything that comes out of your mouth. If I say anything to anyone about how I am really feeling I just get the question "are you sure you want to marry him?" So I bottle it all up and end up being miserable and unhappy.

I woke up at 3:30 am this morning feeling like my FI doesn't really love me. He has been sick the last 10 days and really grouchy to the point where I walked out to go to walmart the other night cause I was tired of getting barked at over stupid shit. This time it was because I was on the phone with my mom taking about our candy buffet and searching online for cheap candy prices. He wanted to use the computer at that very moment so everything became an arguement over stupid candy.

We made up shortly there after but for some reason I woke up this morning questioning if I am supposed to marry him. he blames wedding planning for his lack of interest lately, but I easily put aside wedding shit to spend non wedding time with him. The problem is he spends most nights ignoring me completely to watch the news and search the Internet. I am tired of being ignored and feeling like a roommate and a maid. We got engages in december and this has been going on since january. Is this normal? Does it go away after the wedding planning disappears? My biggest fear is that this is reality and I don't want to live the rest of my life miserable. I am tired of hearing excuses from him that its all the weddings fault. I really don't know what to do and I can't talk to anyone else cause no one seems to be able to set aside judgement and just help me sort through the emotions.

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Thanks for the great advice. We took a night off from Internet and TV to go to dinner and it was a nice change. Hoping to plan something non wedding related this weekend. Definitely was stress driven but we talked it out and I'm feeling much better about it!

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Originally Posted by AllieH View Post

 

I'd suggest it might be time for a regular date night. Or at least a "wedding-internet-tv" is off limits night so you can enjoy each others company.

 

Wedding planning does tend to make you both grouchy - not that you're frustrated or unhappy with each other directly, but the overall stress of planning, the many decisions, etc. I like what another bride said -stop a minute, and think about what makes you guys love each other to begin with, and what's most important about your wedding day. Probably not the candy buffet or any of the other details. Maybe there's something about the wedding that he is stressed about, but hasn't shared so far (guys tend to NOT share stuff...).

 

My husband & I tend to veg on the couch in our downtime at home. -We sit at each end of the couch with our respective laptops. Sometimes I just have to put the laptop down and snuggle with him - that usually prompts him to close his laptop and we'll snuggle watching TV. We've been trying to make a point to do more things on the weekends, so we aren't just sitting around. Maybe it's just going to get something to eat. Maybe it's a movie, or a play, or shopping. Those shared experiences bring us closer, but it's awfully easy to get comfy at home and almost ignore each other. It takes effort, for sure.

 

Most importantly - you guys need to communicate about what you're feeling, and what you want your relationship to be like. If you are feeling ignored because he just wants to be on the internet or watch TV, then start planning other activities for the two of you. but communicate, communicate, communicate.

 

hang in there!!!!

 

Listen to Allie she's from Ft Worth so she has to be a smart girl!!!! That's my hometown and see very few people from Ft. Worth so I just wanted to add a silly post....BUT communication is key and follow your heart at the end of the day :)

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my fiance and I get into little arguments here n there as well.....i think that's perfectly normal....I feel as though he's not putting "enough"effort or time into he wedding....but then my girlfriends are like "you REALLY want him picking flowers? or shades or blue for decor? that's not a GUY thing so dont expect him to be THAT involved"  ....which is true.....wedding planning is what all (if not, most ) girls look forward to......i know it's been exciting for me....and sometimes i DONT want his opinion....i choose...i show him...he nods yes....and if he nods no, i will tell him allllll the reasons why it should be a YES! lol....he's easy going...there are some things that he wants specifically and he won't settle for anything else, so i've made sure to take that into account. But yah...i'd say have a date night...reconnect and re-discover WHY it is that you agreed to marry him in the first place.....Have a "no wedding talk" day...and just go back to the couple that you were pre-engagement :)

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Originally Posted by Jenn963 View Post

 

my fiance and I get into little arguments here n there as well.....i think that's perfectly normal....I feel as though he's not putting "enough"effort or time into he wedding....but then my girlfriends are like "you REALLY want him picking flowers? or shades or blue for decor? that's not a GUY thing so dont expect him to be THAT involved"  ....which is true.....wedding planning is what all (if not, most ) girls look forward to......i know it's been exciting for me....and sometimes i DONT want his opinion....i choose...i show him...he nods yes....and if he nods no, i will tell him allllll the reasons why it should be a YES! lol....he's easy going...there are some things that he wants specifically and he won't settle for anything else, so i've made sure to take that into account. But yah...i'd say have a date night...reconnect and re-discover WHY it is that you agreed to marry him in the first place.....Have a "no wedding talk" day...and just go back to the couple that you were pre-engagement :)

 

Awesome advice!!!

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