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Fighting with Fiance


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#1 KKertz

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    Posted 17 October 2012 - 05:52 AM

    Ladies...

     

    Are any of you fighting more with your fiance now that you're engaged than you ever did before you were engaged?? 

     

    So my fiance and I have had the most amazing 2 years together.  It's been unreal at times how loving, secure, and right it feels.  Simply put we just clicked right away and from the moment it started I knew we were going somewhere.   So when he got down on a knee and asked me that important question, I didn't have any doubt in my mind, of course I said yes, and couldn't wait to officially start our lives together.

     

    ...Then came wedding planning!!! UGH!   I knew it would be hard, I've seen the Bridezilla shows and heard stories from friends.  But I  thought destination wedding planning would be less stressful than a wedding in the states, I had NO idea things would be so hard at times.  The guilt over asking friends/family to travel.  Dealing with "Caribbean time".  Friends/family that make me feel selfish for doing this.  It's all adding up and it's making me stressed out or anxious all the time - and I'm usually a low key person.  I mean, the stress even has me posting on FORUMS and asking STRANGERS for advice?? This isn't me! 

     

    Anyway I don't know what's happened to us?? We used to be on the same page, we used to understand each other, talk with respect to each other, be a team...and now, I feel like this wedding planning is pushing us farther apart. And no, I'm not a crazy bridezilla, just dealing with more stress, he's dealing with more stress, etc.  

     

    I just want to marry him, to tell him I love him enough to commit to him forever.  And I hate all the other bullshit involved.

     

    Anyone else feel this way?



    #2 vbbbtk

    vbbbtk
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      Posted 17 October 2012 - 06:26 AM

      Originally Posted by KKertz 

      Ladies...

       

      Are any of you fighting more with your fiance now that you're engaged than you ever did before you were engaged?? 

       

      So my fiance and I have had the most amazing 2 years together.  It's been unreal at times how loving, secure, and right it feels.  Simply put we just clicked right away and from the moment it started I knew we were going somewhere.   So when he got down on a knee and asked me that important question, I didn't have any doubt in my mind, of course I said yes, and couldn't wait to officially start our lives together.

       

      ...Then came wedding planning!!! UGH!   I knew it would be hard, I've seen the Bridezilla shows and heard stories from friends.  But I  thought destination wedding planning would be less stressful than a wedding in the states, I had NO idea things would be so hard at times.  The guilt over asking friends/family to travel.  Dealing with "Caribbean time".  Friends/family that make me feel selfish for doing this.  It's all adding up and it's making me stressed out or anxious all the time - and I'm usually a low key person.  I mean, the stress even has me posting on FORUMS and asking STRANGERS for advice?? This isn't me! 

       

      Anyway I don't know what's happened to us?? We used to be on the same page, we used to understand each other, talk with respect to each other, be a team...and now, I feel like this wedding planning is pushing us farther apart. And no, I'm not a crazy bridezilla, just dealing with more stress, he's dealing with more stress, etc.  

       

      I just want to marry him, to tell him I love him enough to commit to him forever.  And I hate all the other bullshit involved.

       

      Anyone else feel this way?

      Fortunately I did not have this issue but if both of you just want to be together and the wedding planning is causing the issues... ELOPE!!!  Just the two of you go get married and become man and wife, cancel the rest and be done!  I know its sounds cruel and unfair to everyone else but after all it is about the two of you.  I have had family members do this and there are no hard feelings they did what was best for them.

       

      Just my 2 cents



      #3 KKertz

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        Posted 17 October 2012 - 11:27 AM

        haha.  Eloping is tempting at those stressful times, but I know that I'd miss spending the day with our families.  In fact, I would totally regret it.  For us, the point of our destination wedding is to really introduce our families to each other because I'm from Northeast, he's from Southeast, and they've never met!  We want our families to play on beach, do water activities, relax, and give our parents a vacation from their daily stresses.  In theory it all sounded so perfect for us.  It's just been all the unexpected stresses (the hotel management changes, the increasing flight costs, being everyone's travel agent, etc) that have stressed me out.  I guess, honestly,  I should've known to prepare for this?

         

        So by venting and posting this thread I guess I was hoping other brides or brides to be would chime in and say, "Me too! Planning a wedding in another country is SO hard!!  But hang in there girl, you two will get through the rough spots, it's all worth it in the end!!"

         

        :)

         



        #4 DwBride2Be

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          Posted 18 October 2012 - 06:40 AM

          I agree, planning a wedding in another country is incredibly difficult. People always say oh it must be so stress free.. Ummm no.. There are language barriers. Travel restrictions, we have to literally carry our dress, our favours, our decorations, and all our dependent guests through airports and listen to them whine while we're at it. I've run into a few pitfalls but now that I'm only a month and a half away from the wedding I've decided it'll be whatever it will be. I still end up just as married. I get really upset when people say "it must be so much cheaper". Seriously, what's it to you what we are paying..and not only that but we aren't doing it here because it's cheaper, we're doing it here because our families don't conveniently live in the same spot we do, they are spread out and they also haven't met. I CAN say that I lay guilt trips on FI more now that we're engaged but he hasn't done much of anything to help planning so I'm getting resentful.

          #5 missde09

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            Posted 18 October 2012 - 07:14 AM

            I would definitely say that if you have not had everyone completely booked yet to try getting a travel agent. They can help take all of the stress of everyone's travels off your shoulders. Any questions can be referred to them both while preparing for the trip and if a problem arises on the trip. They can usually find you the best deals as well. And they do all of this at not cost to you! It blew my mind when I found out that you don't pay the travel agent. I am certainly glad that I went with a travel agent and do not have to hear anything about people's travel plans.



            #6 maridr2012

            maridr2012
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              Posted 19 October 2012 - 12:02 PM

              Oh honey most if not all of us DW brides have been thru this.  My FI and I fought like crazy once we started planning this wedding, all for the same reasons as you - the guilt trips, people being intrusive, the comments, the demands, and of course the god-awful guest list.  Everyone had an opinion or felt the right and the need to voice their opinions - parents, siblings, extended relatives, even friends and aquaintances.  So, just when you think you have planned this out just the way you want it to go, someone will chime in and you feel like you have to make them happy or it makes you second guess your decision - on WHATEVER that decision is, even down to the darn decorative items.  It's ridiculous.  We had some pretty ugly arguments, but in the end, we did know it was ultimately up to only us what we wanted to do for our wedding, and at one point, we decided we would no longer share any information with people on what we were doing.  The Save the Dates went out with a wedding website adrs so folks  can look up info, the formal invitations went out 6 months later, we worked with a TA specializing in DWs, and let her filter all the bullshit about travel costs.  We did negotiate a group rate with the resort so when folks did whine about it being expensive our TA pointed them to the resort's website directly or expedia, cheaptickets, orbitz etc so they could see they were getting a better deal thru our TA.  Any other crap we heard after that we just referred them right back to the TA.  

               

              We're now only 3 wks away from our big day, and I can finally say most of the stress is gone, all the planning is done, and we're not fighting anymore.  Now, we can basically just sit back and enjoy the next few wks, and countdown the days until we go away!  You'll get there too eventually.  You just have to learn to ignore what everyone else says or wants, and get yourself a travel agent asap so you wont have to deal with everyone's travel issues!

               

              Good luck! : )



              #7 KKertz

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                Posted 23 October 2012 - 12:04 PM

                Ladies, thanks SO much for the good advice.  Great to know I'm not alone feeling this way. @maridr2012, I think your advice on not sharing things with people (at least certain people) is a good idea, I may have to do the same.   At the end of the day there are many reasons we decided to go this route and I just have to keep them in mind when things get crazy...

                 

                If anyone has other thoughts, keep 'em coming.



                #8 CanadianLindsey

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                  Posted 23 October 2012 - 12:43 PM

                  I think everyone has disagreements or fights with someone unexpected while wedding planning. For me, it was my Dad.

                  We have never had an issues before, but he was upset that I wasn't letting anyone bring dates if they weren't in a couple at the time invites/RSVPs happened. So when my little sister was suddenly living with her new boyfriend 4 months after invites went out, my Dad and I had a spat over why the new BF couldn't come(my hubby and I had never met the guy and we didn't want strangers at our wedding, plus she was sharing a room with another bridesmaid so I would have had to make my bridesmaid pay for a single room). My Dad and I had a huge blow out about it and then my sis was dumped 2 weeks later by the guy!! My Dad and I got over it and  after talking it through, he realized how set my hubby and I were on doing our wedding our way. Weddings bring out crazy emotions and expectations that no one seems to discuss beforehand. My advice is to have a talk with your FI (we did when we started planning) to decide what's important and expected by both of you so you can work as a team to deal with everyone else's crazy demands. That's what saved my sanity while dealing with crazy guests, hotel and MIL !!!!
                   



                  #9 olive0y1

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                    Posted 23 October 2012 - 03:08 PM

                    You got this! Celebrate you and your soon to be husband. Try to both look at things positively and get people on point in booking, etc. before everything else gets out of hand. You can't be everything at once. People need to be accountable for themselves. I hope that your wedding day is a blissful one and the two of you can look back at the experience and laugh about it all in the end.



                    #10 Jessica Correa

                    Jessica Correa
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                      Posted 28 February 2013 - 11:18 PM

                      Ugh it's true. I just started planning and we have argued about the budget, the freaken guest list, me feeling like I'm doing everything. I feel like I'm drowning in school work, work, and wedding planning!




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