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Need some support... Father not going to destination wedding


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#1 wellthen02

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    Posted 01 September 2012 - 06:26 AM

    I come from a very traditional caribbean family. Father was strict and head of the household, mom is sweet and loving. My Dad loves me and he loves my fiance but, we are both aware of the fact that if my father does NOT want to do something he simply will not do it. My parents are fourtunate because they fly for free bc my older sibling works for the airlines. I was also covering their resort stay... he recently informed he is not going. He thinks that I can do what I am doing over there, at home for the same amount of money. NO WAY! I will end up spending DOUBLE. It has always been my dream to have a destination wedding (and my FI's too). We are still going because its also about our happiness. I am bummed that my Dad did that, but he has made it clear that he has no problems with anyone, he just does not understand why I want to travel out to have a wedding. My mom is still going and so are all of my other siblings, just not him. My mom says not to stress about it, that I should do what I want to do. She always makes me feel better. Just looking for some encouragement and venting. Thanks Ladies, for listening.



    #2 actress88nyc

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      Posted 01 September 2012 - 08:25 AM

      Originally Posted by wellthen02 

      I come from a very traditional caribbean family. Father was strict and head of the household, mom is sweet and loving. My Dad loves me and he loves my fiance but, we are both aware of the fact that if my father does NOT want to do something he simply will not do it. My parents are fourtunate because they fly for free bc my older sibling works for the airlines. I was also covering their resort stay... he recently informed he is not going. He thinks that I can do what I am doing over there, at home for the same amount of money. NO WAY! I will end up spending DOUBLE. It has always been my dream to have a destination wedding (and my FI's too). We are still going because its also about our happiness. I am bummed that my Dad did that, but he has made it clear that he has no problems with anyone, he just does not understand why I want to travel out to have a wedding. My mom is still going and so are all of my other siblings, just not him. My mom says not to stress about it, that I should do what I want to do. She always makes me feel better. Just looking for some encouragement and venting. Thanks Ladies, for listening.

      Hello Bride, I know how u must feel because my dad is not attending my wedding for other reasons.. but hang in there because we have to do what is best for us! Sometimes our parents are stuck in there ways of doing things! I hope your dad will come around to going if not I hope you find peace:)



      #3 Tulumbride2013

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        Posted 01 September 2012 - 10:17 AM

        Sorry about pops..my dad is kind of the same, they don't realize how much traditional weddings cost. Keep your chin up, maybe he'll have a change of heart !

        #4 AllieH

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        Posted 01 September 2012 - 10:27 AM

        I agree. Try to talk to him if you can, about your reasons for choosing a DW.

         

        We went through something similar - my dad told my FI when he called to "ask" permission to marry me that he wasn't going to Mexico if that's where we were getting married. It was a serious downer for a while, but he eventually changed his mind. My sister isn't going at all - nothing has changed her mind, and it seriously ticks me off that she won't make the effort. But whatever..it is what it is. 

         

        I hope your father changes his mind too, and is there to support you on your big day. Even if he isn't, as tough as it might be, focus on your happiness and just let it go. You can't control him or make his decisions...

        Originally Posted by Tulumbride2013 

        Sorry about pops..my dad is kind of the same, they don't realize how much traditional weddings cost. Keep your chin up, maybe he'll have a change of heart !

         


         

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        #5 Tulumbride2013

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          Posted 01 September 2012 - 12:04 PM

          He will regret being so stubborn !

          #6 maridr2012

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            Posted 02 September 2012 - 04:37 AM

            I agree with the others. He'll regret not going but in the meantime, I suggest make an itemized list of the budget to have a wedding at home in ur area, and include EVERYTHING u can think of. Then do the same for ur DW. present him with both budgets and tell him unleashes willing to pay for the size able difference just to have a wedding at home, then ur going with the DW. I think he will have change of heart very quickly!

            #7 Tulumbride2013

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              Posted 02 September 2012 - 04:51 AM

              Maridr2012 has the best tip. I bout did that for my dad because he was convinced I was being lavish. Explain that by doing a dw you avoid the obligation to invite everyone and their mother, brother, and friends. It is keeping your wedding somewhat intimate!

              #8 maridr2012

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                Posted 02 September 2012 - 05:00 AM

                Typo. **unless he's willing to pay***

                #9 Tulumbride2013

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                  Posted 02 September 2012 - 05:20 AM

                  we knew what ya meant :) lol



                  #10 Peach

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                    Posted 02 September 2012 - 09:30 AM

                    That is really hard. Maybe he will come around? Are you doing an AHR?

                     

                    I was told by my parents not to invite ANY extended family on my side, even though we are pretty close. And now there is a lot doubt as to whether or not my family itself will come. They are complaining about money too. It WOULD be cheaper to do it in my little home town, but only a little, and we really do not like it there. So I sent my parents a list of costs for our back up plan, and said if they wanted to pay, we would do that instead. The worst is that they do not want to try... it is just something different. They complain about cost but spend ridiculous amounts of money on other things that would easily add up.

                     

                    My recommendation is to just talk to your dad and outline costs, like other brides have said. It is good that your mom is on board, for sure. Maybe as it gets closer, with everyone really excited, he will come around. And if not, go through with your day anyway. Just be polite and everything, and at the end of the day, you will not have regrets... but he will.






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