todays vent - kind of reverse snobbery about expensive weddings

[JessiTaylor]

 

Im not having a destination wedding to save money - its in cancun since im already in mexico, city i live in is dangerous (just would prefer for my family not to be here) and i like beaches. i did end up choosing the most expensive venue on my list - xcaret - but my parents, bless their hearts are paying for it. an incredible gesture that i didnt expect (i was completely surprised to find out apparently they made a wedding account when i was little) and they pointed out, if i got married in london it would be the same or more money

 

but ive had a few catty comments (not from my family) about spending so much money/having so many people. this kind of thing "oh well my wedding, had a 40 people and it only cost me 50 cents and a ball of twine. i would never spend so much money on a party, but if you and your fiance feel you *need* to have such a big do then i guess its your choice" , another choice one-"gosh. brides nowadays do spent a lot of money on just one day dont they. i think theyre more interested in the party than the marriage!". oh sneaky - you think i dont know that was aimed at me even though you use the general term "brides today". i also dont want to hear any sentence that involves the words "pointless" "waste" and other similar words. bite me.

 

i dont run around telling people that i think expensive weddings are better (i dont think that at all, i just loved xcaret with a passion! but i would have married my fiance in a supermarket had he so wished) so why are people bent on trying to convince me that having a more expensive wedding means we must be more pre-occupied with material things than love... like a cheaper wedding would mean we were mroe in love if that makes sense?

 

its not like they even know how much im spending as well, obviously i dont mention any details related to prices...as thats just tacky. (except on this forum on the thread comparing budgets. but thats different) mexican guests know its a lot as soon as they hear where it is, english guests...unless theyre incredibly weird and researching it are just guessing i think. i dont answer direct questions about costs, i just try and steer the conversation to "we dont have final figures yet" with a smile rather than "listen little tacky money obsessed people, im not going to detail my budget for you so you can criticise it"

 

so im warning the world. next person who directly tells me im being ridiculous for planning the wedding my way - i will stomp on your head! well, a bit more realistically i will give you a mean look and walk away

 

in fact from today, any wedding questions (innocent or not) will be met with "its a secret!"

[starchild]

LMAO!  Too funny.  I think everyone needs to chill out and let you do what you want without commenting on it.  If you had a really inexpensive wedding people would probably be talking about how cheap you are.  People pretty much just suck! 

[principessa]

Some people just can't keep their comments to themselves.  It's YOUR wedding, so YOU get to do what makes YOU happy - end of story!

[maridr2012]

I was told by my brother a few days ago that I was having a "bourgeoise beach wedding".  He said it with a half-assed chuckle, but I know he meant it and is pissed because he has to spend money to go to the wedding.  On one hand I do understand his financial woes: he has 4 small kids and an ex who he still financially supports.  But...that's not MY problem.  The thing is, I'm spending a fraction of what it would cost to have a full blown traditional wedding over here.  Oh well.  I'm getting really good at the art of a good eye roll.  Starchild is right, if you have a small inexpensive wedding you'll be called a cheapskate...so whatever.  Do whatever makes you and your fiancee happy!

[Sharon99]

People suck!! My own father has been up in the air about going....this past weekend he told me he is now going and had to re-fiance his house to go!! Lets just say I LOST IT and said I dont care & you dont have to go!

 

[JessiTaylor]

 

a "bourgeouise beach wedding"?! i dont think id react very well to that comment! thats just...snarky!

 

im almost slightly less frustrated by people who comment who are actually invited, its random comments from non-invited people that irritate me the most. keep your opinions to yourself!!

 

poeple DO suck!!

 

 ive also had some people who comment that they will go...but they want me to know just how big an effort/sacrifice it is. and i do appreciate people coming of course(!)..but eternal gratitude isnt going to happen. ive told people not to put themselves out if they cant afford it but its like:

 

"well....i will go...its difficult, but i want to be there for you...of course i will have to sell my soul and first born child to do it...because it is so very difficult" *expectant look - praise me for being so selfless* type thing
 

Originally Posted by maridr2012 

I was told by my brother a few days ago that I was having a "bourgeoise beach wedding".  He said it with a half-assed chuckle, but I know he meant it and is pissed because he has to spend money to go to the wedding.  On one hand I do understand his financial woes: he has 4 small kids and an ex who he still financially supports.  But...that's not MY problem.  The thing is, I'm spending a fraction of what it would cost to have a full blown traditional wedding over here.  Oh well.  I'm getting really good at the art of a good eye roll.  Starchild is right, if you have a small inexpensive wedding you'll be called a cheapskate...so whatever.  Do whatever makes you and your fiancee happy!

 

[nancya]

It would be better if they lied and said something about not being able to take off from work or even better don't give an excuse as to why you cannot come. Just tell me if you're coming or not. hahaha

[KalikLove]

It is tough to hear sometimes, especially in this economy, even big budget weddings are more "conservative". Ultimately It's really just about what you want and what your willing and able to give to get it. Don't allow anyone's negative thoughts affect you and your enjoyment with planing your wedding

[MissBubbles205]

I agree with Kalik, it's YOUR wedding and it should be where and how YOU want it to be. (I'm having the same issues with my own mother) ( She complains constantly about how expensive our resort choice is (says we need to do a cruise even tried to push me to a resort that has horrible reviews) and complains about the ceremony site fee and says my ideas for OOT bags are just a waste of money.. I just want to to say, "shut up, I'm planning this wedding (as it is MY wedding) and paying for it, not you!"

 

People also try the whole, I wanna come but it's a financial burdon. My wedding is in 14 months, they've known for months now we are doing a DW. So there is no reason for these people to not start saving money and have it by next year.  A simple I'm not coming or I am coming would suffice. I don't need excuses, comments, nor do I want to know your financial issues.

[Oct 2012 Bride]

I say screw it. Don't worry about it. I've gotten some crazy remarks from people that weren't invited in the first place. And they help keep me grounded in my decision. The WC is so I can have the wedding of my dreams on a budget. I would never be able to afford what we are going here in the states. And if someone has a problem...well.....I could care less. After all they are not spending one cent to make our wedding happen. We are. If someone can't afford it then too bad. Those that I really care about coming but can't make it, I'm fine with that. I understand it is a cost. I don't want anyone to be evicted, or without lights just because they came to my wedding.

 

Honestly I think some people respond like that because they are jealous. I've learned that lots of people wish they would have had a DW.