Annoying and Rude/Intrusive Questions People Ask

[principessa]

I get the hometown one also!!  My hometown just happens to be right on a beach, and a few people have commented wondering why if I wanted to get married on a beach, why I just don't do it there. 

[JessiTaylor]

 

we went for a baptism for the son of a friend in my fiances hometown...and got a whole new spin on the hometown question.

 

i was used to my friends back in england asking repeatedly why i wasnt going to get married in london, but this time it was a bunch of people that know my fiance and are super proud of their little town

 

so i mentioned the date/location on my wedding, and received 30 minute speech (which was only the beginning!!!) from a friends aunt on "why you should get married here in your fiances hometown". and then this woman repeatedly asked "so where are you getting married then, here or there?"....and i had to keep saying that my plans were set and no, i wasnt going to change my plans despite what she thought. and she kept saying that people like her wouldnt be able to attend if it was in cancun....i didnt think it was very polite to say she wasnt on the guest list so i didnt know why she cared so much, but i was getting increasingly stressed as every comment i made was just completely rejected. its like what i thought didnt matter at all, despite it being my wedding!

 

there were other comments too "i heard youre engaged!! youll be getting married here, right?" and they seemed completely shocked when i said no.

 

after seriously well over an hour of this, i stood up and made an impromptu speech in pretty terrible spanish to the entire table about why having a massive wedding in his hometown wasnt what i wanted and that if people couldnt attend...oh well, as i wanted a small wedding anyway! i also pointed out our families (and of course my fiance) were in agreement that a small wedding on the beach was a good idea!! in his town if you have an event you invite everyone and their dog (especially given fiances father is a well known local politician with lots of friends and contacts he would feel olbiged to invite) and its not what i want!!

 

it kind of ruined my night though.  surely theres a point when someone has expressed what they want, that its just simply rude to keep pushing your opinion on them?!

[Sheena2011]

Wow! And that is exactly why people want small weddings and don't want to invite every person in their hometown. :-) I got guilt tripped a lot about my grandmother not being able to come - by everyone except my grnadmother, who bless her heart, told me to ignore everyone else, do what I wanted and have a great time.

[sgreen99]

This is terrible! I'm so sorry people are making you feel awful about your decision!  I am honestly stunned that people feel so entitled to tell you what they think, I would absoluteyl lose if someone went on and on insulting my choice.  You're entitled to your option but when it's comes to anything such as someone's wedding, unless it's to shower the bride and groom with affection you keep it to your freakin' self.  Good lord!  That would be like insulting the wedding that someone put on the day after "well it was OK, but I would have done this and this and this..." Just not cool.

Originally Posted by JessiTaylor 

 

we went for a baptism for the son of a friend in my fiances hometown...and got a whole new spin on the hometown question.

 

i was used to my friends back in england asking repeatedly why i wasnt going to get married in london, but this time it was a bunch of people that know my fiance and are super proud of their little town

 

so i mentioned the date/location on my wedding, and received 30 minute speech (which was only the beginning!!!) from a friends aunt on "why you should get married here in your fiances hometown". and then this woman repeatedly asked "so where are you getting married then, here or there?"....and i had to keep saying that my plans were set and no, i wasnt going to change my plans despite what she thought. and she kept saying that people like her wouldnt be able to attend if it was in cancun....i didnt think it was very polite to say she wasnt on the guest list so i didnt know why she cared so much, but i was getting increasingly stressed as every comment i made was just completely rejected. its like what i thought didnt matter at all, despite it being my wedding!

 

there were other comments too "i heard youre engaged!! youll be getting married here, right?" and they seemed completely shocked when i said no.

 

after seriously well over an hour of this, i stood up and made an impromptu speech in pretty terrible spanish to the entire table about why having a massive wedding in his hometown wasnt what i wanted and that if people couldnt attend...oh well, as i wanted a small wedding anyway! i also pointed out our families (and of course my fiance) were in agreement that a small wedding on the beach was a good idea!! in his town if you have an event you invite everyone and their dog (especially given fiances father is a well known local politician with lots of friends and contacts he would feel olbiged to invite) and its not what i want!!

 

it kind of ruined my night though.  surely theres a point when someone has expressed what they want, that its just simply rude to keep pushing your opinion on them?!

 

[JessiTaylor]

its incredibly hard not to lose it! cant believe how opinionated some people are.

 

the worst thing is i have to tread very carefully...to an extent,i cant emphasise how much my fiance wants it too, otherwise it will be the big hot local gossip (you know how very small towns are) simply because his father is a politician...i can imagine it now "ooh the presidents (mayor's) son thinks hes too good to get married here/presidents son hates this town" etc. At the moment theyre assuming its his greatest desire to marry there,so its me getting all the hassle, in a kind of "pushy foreigner insists on extravagant location wedding" way. And men don't talk about weddings, so nobody actually tells him anything...its "women's talk" so im lucky enough to receive everyones 5 cents

 

so i get a fixed smile, try to change the subject and as early as possible walk away. i should have insisted on a london wedding that absolutely nobody here could attend!

[nancya]

Sheena...i am on the same page. I do not want to invite every single person i have ever talked to.....i'm glad your grandmother is understanding! She ultimately wants you to be happy

 

Originally Posted by Sheena2011 

Wow! And that is exactly why people want small weddings and don't want to invite every person in their hometown. :-)
I got guilt tripped a lot about my grandmother not being able to come - by everyone except my grnadmother, who bless her heart, told me to ignore everyone else, do what I wanted and have a great time.

 

[maridr2012]

OK...so I'm not sure this may not be the right forum to post this in, but I figure I'd post anyway to vent this out.  Today I had to attend a conference where my employer had invited several external consultants and agencies we do business with to present to the audience.  When I arrived to the venue, I got in the elevator and a woman in her mid to late 30's got in the elevator along with a man who was apparently a colleague of hers.  I immediately knew they were also attending the conference I was attending and they were one of the advertising agencies that were invited to speak.  They were talking about a series of interviews she had conducted to fill a position within her team.  She was telling her colleague, the man, that she decided to hire a guy that she hoped would work out well, and she didn't make an offer to another candidate, a young woman after weighing the pros and cons of each candidate.  Her colleague asked her why exactly she didnt hire the young woman.  Her response, "Well, she had everything that I was looking for - smart as a whip, has successfully launched high profile campaigns, ivy league education, great referrals, the works.  But...she's engaged and is getting married at the end of this year, so I know she is so preoccupied with planning a wedding that I can't trust giving her my projects".    UGH.  Imagine the look I had on my face, my jaw hit the floor.  It took everything in me to not turn around and let her have it.  I mean...really....she passed up an EXCELLENT candidate just because the girl was planning a wedding?!?!  There was no mention of her asking around and learning the candidate had let things fall thru cracks or failed at anything because she was too busy planning her wedding and was distracted.  NOTHING.  She didn't hire her simply because she had a pre-conceived notion that the candidate wouldn't do a good job because she's planning her wedding.  How dis-heartening!!!! 

[JessiTaylor]

 

Thats ridiculous!! while planning a wedding is time consuming plenty of women manage to do it whilst still fulfilling all the professional obligations/tasks they managed before. what an idiot!!

[Oct 2012 Bride]

Ugh. The guy she hired instead is probably lazy and doesn't do half as good of job as she would have. She might have been jealous.

[maridr2012]

So a new scenario popped up that I just couldn't believe.  I write this with the risk of having it read by one of my future in-laws...but at this point I'm so pissed I don't even care.  A couple of days ago my FI got a text message from his 13 yr old god-daughter, who also happens to be his cousin, asking if he would pay for her trip to our wedding b/c her parent's couldn't afford it - they'd only be going themselves without any kids.  Honestly, it was heartbreaking b/c I know how much she loves him and he cares for her as well...but what was unnerving is that we don't think she thought of texting him on her own...her parents put her up to it.  And truth be told, if we could afford paying her trip we absolutely would, but we can't!  Not to mention that I have 10 nieces and nephews of my own of which NONE are going b/c their parents (my siblings) can't afford to take them.  I certainly can't afford to pay for any of them, so why would we be paying for this girl?  She's as sweet as pie, adorable but really...they put her up to this because they figured he'd feel guilty about it and would probably cave and just say yes. Everyone has known we were having a destination wedding for well over a year (since our engagement in March 2011, our wedding isn't until Nov 2012), so there's been AMPLE time to save if they wanted her to go.  My FI let her down gently and told her we couldn't afford it because we're trying very hard to even just pay for the wedding and cant take on any more expenses.  No biggie...right?    Well, yesterday I walked in on my FI yelling into the phone at his mother. I quietly listened and didnt ask questions because he was so upset I didn't want to fire him up any further.  But from what I gathered of the conversation, the girl's father (who is FI's uncle) proceeded to call my FMIL to apparently complain b/c we aren't paying for his daughter's trip.  Now my FMIL calls my FI to tell him about this, and kind of hint that we really should pay b/c it's his god-daughter and the dad is too tactful to come right out and ask us.  LOL.  I mean...c'mon!   But clearly, in their minds, it was tactful to have the 13-yr old text us instead, right?    I stayed quiet the entire time and didn't say one word because I've learned to stay completely out of any issues that come up on his family's side.  I have to say I was surprised at how angry FI was over the whole situation.  I don't know if he was angrier that he was being put up to this by his uncle, or more that his own mother would now bring up the subject again and sounds like try to guilt him into it.  This weekend we will probably be seeing the entire family for Easter dinner and I plan on promptly excusing myself from the table if the topic comes up.  I can't believe the audacity of these people, I know if I stay at the table I'll end up going off on them so I'll just avoid the whole topic.  I know one thing for sure, I absolutely will put my foot down on paying for ANYONE.  The only people I would agree to pay for is our parents and that's not an issue at all.