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maridr2012

Annoying and Rude/Intrusive Questions People Ask

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The worst thing for me, is i think they got her hopes up. Obviously they encouraged her to ask...so it was them who got her excited that it might happen, so theyre responsible now for her disappointment (and im sure she is) i completely get that you cant pick and choose which nieces/nephews to pay for. And that he had the audicity to call yoru FMIL to complain about it - seriously? was FMIL just trying to keep the peace, or does she agree with him (either way itd annoy me that she asked)

 

i swear weddings bring out the crazy in people

 

i must admit im dying to know how the easter dinner goes...id like to hope that they wouldnt bring it up, but im fast learning not to expect the best in people
 

Originally Posted by maridr2012 View Post

So a new scenario popped up that I just couldn't believe.  I write this with the risk of having it read by one of my future in-laws...but at this point I'm so pissed I don't even care.  A couple of days ago my FI got a text message from his 13 yr old god-daughter, who also happens to be his cousin, asking if he would pay for her trip to our wedding b/c her parent's couldn't afford it - they'd only be going themselves without any kids.  Honestly, it was heartbreaking b/c I know how much she loves him and he cares for her as well...but what was unnerving is that we don't think she thought of texting him on her own...her parents put her up to it.  And truth be told, if we could afford paying her trip we absolutely would, but we can't!  Not to mention that I have 10 nieces and nephews of my own of which NONE are going b/c their parents (my siblings) can't afford to take them.  I certainly can't afford to pay for any of them, so why would we be paying for this girl?  She's as sweet as pie, adorable but really...they put her up to this because they figured he'd feel guilty about it and would probably cave and just say yes. Everyone has known we were having a destination wedding for well over a year (since our engagement in March 2011, our wedding isn't until Nov 2012), so there's been AMPLE time to save if they wanted her to go.  My FI let her down gently and told her we couldn't afford it because we're trying very hard to even just pay for the wedding and cant take on any more expenses.  No biggie...right?    Well, yesterday I walked in on my FI yelling into the phone at his mother. I quietly listened and didnt ask questions because he was so upset I didn't want to fire him up any further.  But from what I gathered of the conversation, the girl's father (who is FI's uncle) proceeded to call my FMIL to apparently complain b/c we aren't paying for his daughter's trip.  Now my FMIL calls my FI to tell him about this, and kind of hint that we really should pay b/c it's his god-daughter and the dad is too tactful to come right out and ask us.  LOL.  I mean...c'mon!   But clearly, in their minds, it was tactful to have the 13-yr old text us instead, right?    I stayed quiet the entire time and didn't say one word because I've learned to stay completely out of any issues that come up on his family's side.  I have to say I was surprised at how angry FI was over the whole situation.  I don't know if he was angrier that he was being put up to this by his uncle, or more that his own mother would now bring up the subject again and sounds like try to guilt him into it.  This weekend we will probably be seeing the entire family for Easter dinner and I plan on promptly excusing myself from the table if the topic comes up.  I can't believe the audacity of these people, I know if I stay at the table I'll end up going off on them so I'll just avoid the whole topic.  I know one thing for sure, I absolutely will put my foot down on paying for ANYONE.  The only people I would agree to pay for is our parents and that's not an issue at all.

 



 

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We announced our engagement Easter of 2011 at dinner with my momâ€s family. Not only did no one congratulate us except for my Grandma and mother but my cousin thought it necessary to sit us down and ask us to be surrogate for him and his wife.. He was completely serious! He tried to guilt us into it further by saying that his sister who already has a child and who was getting married the following August said she would do it so why wouldn't we? Seriously WTH! What makes you think that after announcing that we are going to be married next year that I would be up for carrying your child. It's just weird. And the fact that he was offended when we said no makes it even weirder.

 

The same family members asked FI and I how much my engagement ring cost. At this point I was pretty irritated so I did say more than your car lol.

 

I don't understand why ppl think it's okay to be so intrusive and rude.

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WTF!!! I mean really! Oh yay your are getting married. Now you can carry my child. Who says that? And if someone else already said yes why did they need to ask you? It sounds like they where making that up to make you feel better about saying yes. I'm glad you stood your ground.

 

I mean those are questions that shouldn't even be answered. I think when people ask questions like that it's because they are trying to figure out how much money you have. Watch out they may try to ask you for money soon.

 

My brother just asked me for $2,000 last week. And I'm pretty sure my mother told him to ask me. For some reason my family thinks I have the big pile of money saved up somewhere. I mean we have some savings but nothing signaficant. And they fail to realize how much we have to spend this year between the wedding and buying a house.

 

I guess it's that aura of you having it better than others. Or you are rich because you are having a DW. Even though many fail to realize that most people have DW because it is way cheaper than having a really nice wedding in the States.

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WTF was exactly my reaction too, lol. That one takes the cake of all nervy things I've heard to date. He might've well just said, as an engagement gift to u, I'm going to give u 30lbs of weight, stretch marks, potentially hemorrhoids, sleepless nights, make u push out a baby, and then I'll take it from u. Lol. It's true, weddings have a certain effect on people. It makes those that are already a little bit off go bat *ish crazy.

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Money is at the root of so many rude questions!  It's just shocking how people don't have that inner voice to tell them that anything to do with money is OFF LIMITS! (Different if it's a financial contributor, obviously.)

 

We haven't been asked yet, but we have no doubt a certain set of friends or members of their family will ask us about the cost of our wedding, because the family discusses money like it's the weather, constantly telling people how much they spent on this or that, asking people how much things cost, asking how much money people make, etc.  Obviously, it's rude as hell, but it's become a bit of a joke around our house, because every time we see them, they share or ask something money-related and hideously inappropriate.  Once, Amy came home from a day with them & said, "Guess how much the bill at lunch was?  Person X took care of it, but I still know, because he bragged to the whole table about the amount before paying the bill.  Guess how much his car cost?  He told us that when we got in it.  Guess how much his most recent medical bill was?  Told us that, too!  Guess which expensive item we own that he asked me about the cost of?  I just acted like I couldn't remember."

 

They are otherwise nice friends, but it's like, damn, enough already!  I tend to give answers like, "Oooh, you know I'm southern.  Talking about money is taboo there."  Truthfully, I'm someone who loves to brag when I get a deal, but I don't like discussing hard numbers, unless it's a very inexpensive item (say, a $10 dress, which I will naturally want to tell friends about).  I don't want to tell anyone how much my rent is, how much money I make, how much my car cost, or how much our wedding cost! 

 

The only other annoying question I've been asked so far, which I tried to take in stride, since I know it was well-intended, was basically, "Can you do things just like this other person I know who had an amazing destination wedding in that area?"  I get that you had fun on that trip, but my wedding is going to be quite different from hers.  It will still be tons of fun! 

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Originally Posted by AD2012 View Post

 

We announced our engagement Easter of 2011 at dinner with my momâ€s family. Not only did no one congratulate us except for my Grandma and mother but my cousin thought it necessary to sit us down and ask us to be surrogate for him and his wife.. He was completely serious! He tried to guilt us into it further by saying that his sister who already has a child and who was getting married the following August said she would do it so why wouldn't we? Seriously WTH! What makes you think that after announcing that we are going to be married next year that I would be up for carrying your child. It's just weird. And the fact that he was offended when we said no makes it even weirder.

 

Wow!  Do you think everyone knew he was going to ask you that, so when you guys made your announcement, it wasn't the news of the day they were all expecting & just kind of stunned them?  Even still, how awful that they didn't congratulate you!  I'm shocked as all get out that your cousin didn't have the tact to say to himself, "Well, there goes that.  Can't ask her now!"  Isn't that what the average person with an average amount of tact would've done?  I guess not everyone is average...

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Shocking stories! I haven't really had anything like that but then again I try not to talk about the planning side of the wedding in front of too many people as most of them aren't invited!

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