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How much should a MOB be involved????

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#1 dallasrdh

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    Posted 20 November 2011 - 09:07 AM

    Okay, I guess I need to vent! My daughter is getting married in Cabo..July,2012.

    She is an only child and she and I are very close. So far she has included me in alot of the planning, but she is a wedding coordinator also, so she knows exactly what she wants.

    She got engaged in August and she and I made a trip to Cabo to plan the wedding.

    We pretty much nailed down everything except the small details.

    Save the dates have gone out and out of the 50 guests  expected to come...we may have about a third that have at least booked rooms.


    I continue to see airline rates rise, and since I love finding the best deals, I am constantly searching. I wanted to send an email today to let people know the best rates I am finding and she told me that I need to back off.

    We are flying in the photographer and videographer with their spouses and paying for rooms and flights. I sent the videographer an email letting them know what was available for flights and she was so pissed that I made that contact.

    Am I getting too involved or being too sensitive.

    She just started a new job and is very stressed, in fact she wanted me to handle the communication with flower details.


    I guess my feelings are hurt and I'm ready to say..I'm done!!!!

    Help, I need advice!!!!


    A very hurt MOB

    #2 Jamie5280

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    • 675 posts

      Posted 21 November 2011 - 10:42 AM

      I am sure she is just stressed.  It also sounds like she wants control of the all the planning (which is what she does in her everyday life).  From what I am realizing a lot of brides to be have a hard time letting go of the reins.  I would just talk to her when she has calmed down and just let her know you are only trying to help, but if she doesn't need or want it, you will do what you can to respect that.  I am sure she wants and appreciates your help, but she wants the control.  So, next time you do research, etc... just let her know what you found, so she can be the 1st person to relay it to your guests.


      Good luck!!!

      #3 acireta

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        Posted 21 November 2011 - 12:08 PM

        I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. That sucks that you're feeling that way :-(


        My mom and I are very close also, so she's been pretty involved with planning, and we've had to dance around the lines of what she and I should/shouldn't be doing to help each other.


        I totally second what Jaime said. Sounds like you had the best of intentions and that's she's pretty stressed out. Don't be "done" with her or planning; don't let some little snafu with wedding planning mess up what sounds like an amazing relationship and what is sure to be a wonderful wedding experience. I know that I've needed my mom to be a little more patient with me than usual, simply because my mind is going 4,000,000 miles per minute and I had trouble using my words. Just give her some space and let her tell you when she needs help! Keep asking her if you can help with a specific task, like the flower situation.


        Good luck! :-)


        Erica & Al - April 3, 2012 - St. Thomas, USVI

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        #4 MJKH

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          Posted 21 November 2011 - 01:07 PM

          Oh boy...you have me thinking...


          I KNOW for a fact that my mother would like to be more involved than she is.  My FI and I are in our 40-s, very independent...totally on the same page with what we want our wedding to look like.  I'm very private about our plans...in large part because I want there to be some element of surprise for our guests...but also because that's just my nature.  


          It's great that you're supporting them in the idea of a destination wedding...we had to win over both families to join us in this venture and respect our wishes (well, it is still a work in progress)...but lots of brides on here don't have that support.  So the fact that your interested in their plans and willing to be involved should mean the world to her...and I'm sure it does.  


          Personally, I think the best thing to do would be to just ask "What can I help you out with next?"...also, I know that both of our mothers are sinking their teeth into planning family gatherings the weekend of our at home reception.  If you're not feeling as involved as you'd like, maybe being able to plan your heart out with an at-home-function you offer to host would help...maybe?!?

          #5 lucy<3woody

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            Posted 21 November 2011 - 05:05 PM

            If she asks you to back off then just simply back off. Find something else to help with. Respect her feelings or she will just become more and more frustrated, then not want you to help at all.

            #6 dallasrdh

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              Posted 26 November 2011 - 09:53 PM

              Thank you ladies! All is well and we're back on the same page...I appreciate all the advice, and I think she must have been having a bad week.


              I am finding myself backing off somewhat and I know she'll let me know when she needs me.


              Thanks again!!!

              #7 Dominican Ally

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                Posted 19 January 2012 - 03:19 PM

                I'm sure she was just stressed - she is lucky to have you! I would welcome help from my Mother for the planning :)

                Originally Posted by dallasrdh 

                Thank you ladies! All is well and we're back on the same page...I appreciate all the advice, and I think she must have been having a bad week.


                I am finding myself backing off somewhat and I know she'll let me know when she needs me.


                Thanks again!!!


                Can't wait to marry my best friend on April 11, 2013!

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