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Difficult Family - still 16months to go!


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#101 Brenners

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    Posted 27 October 2011 - 04:52 PM

    Check to see if you can get free legal advice about getting the car in your name.  If you are the one making the payments and not him, that may help with that situation.  You may need to be the one to leave.  He clearly isn't going anywhere and if you truly want to move on, then you may have to find another place to rent for the time being.  On the upside, it sounds as though he cannot afford it and will have to move in with his parents which is exactly what he deserves!  That would be poetic justice.  Seriously, start looking for jobs near your family or start looking for a cheaper place in the area you live now but you can't stay there.  You will never move on and clearly he doesn't want what you want in this relationship.



    #102 Sunshine2680

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      Posted 28 October 2011 - 05:17 AM

      Brenners is right. Check into your legal rights for the car. Especially if you're making payments. I'm not sure how the laws work in the US and I don't know how long you guys have lived together..but in Canada..you are considered 'Common Law' after living together for 6 months and you would have legal rights to half of everything.
      But again - thats just Canada..maybe US is different.

      Bottomline...get out..get out..get out. He's seen this as an opportunity and he's taking FULL advantage of it. It would definitely be poetic justice to force him to move home with this parents.
      Either way..thats not your concern. You need to get out of there ASAP - before you lose yourself completely. He and his family have already won their battle. The longer you stay..the more confused and emotionally wrecked you will get. And it will take that much longer to get past it. Which you already know you have to do.

      I would seek out ANY and ALL resources you have to get out of that place. Its just not worth it. You deserve better and the longer you stay there the longer you're preventing yourself from having that!!



      #103 stluciabound

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        Posted 31 October 2011 - 05:03 AM

        Well here is a much needed update... Friday night I stayed out a friend's house to sorta clear my head and when I woke up in the morning I had the overwhelming feeling that I needed to find some resolution. So, I picked up the phone to call him and tell him that this arrangement was unhealthy and no longer working for me and that I wanted him to move out. It went surprisingly very well. He listened, was receptive, and agreed. He said he would move back to his parent's for a month or so until he can figure something else out and that he understood that there are some existing bills with the house that he will still make good on and that despite his leaving he still wants to work together until we are both really on our feet. Wow! A glimmer of the maturity of the man I thought I once knew! He also re-agreed to sign over one of the cars and to not screw me over by cancelling anything that is in his name while I am here, aka my cell phone (we have a family plan), the cable, or the car insurance. We agreed that we still do and always will love each other, but that this is for the best and we want to do it the right way. Needless to say I am holding my breath that it all turns out as smoothly as we were somehow able to talk about it. I am sure there will still be ups and downs, but I am cautiously optimistic. Supposedly he should be leaving within the next week or so. I'll keep you amazing ladies posted. Thanks again for all your support and the strength you give me anytime I read one of your responses. I hope all is well with you and all of your planning!!! xo


        Staying strong through a cancelled engagement/wedding. Thankful for all the ladies here and hoping the best for everyone!!! xoxo

        #104 DeeDee1

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          Posted 31 October 2011 - 06:22 AM

          It's so hard, it seems like there is always someone that needs to be pleased.  The bottom line is it your and FI wedding and you're the two that are going to remember it most.  It might be difficult, but do what is best for you.



          #105 Sunshine2680

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            Posted 31 October 2011 - 06:51 AM

            Ohhhh I'm soooo glad to hear that St.Lucia!  That makes me feel so much better to know he's working WITH you and not against you!! This will make things sooooo much easier in the long run!!
            Now - fingers crossed - he comes through on all that you discussed and agreed upon.
            Either way - its a step in the right direction for both of you!! Yay!!
            Definitely keep us posted on everything that happens!!! xoxo



            #106 kat2012

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              Posted 31 October 2011 - 07:06 AM

              That is really good news, I hope he will move out without causing you any headache. And then you will be able to move on.

              Hopefully his mother will stay away from it too... I hate this woman without even knowing her.

              Good luck and keep us updated!



              #107 Brenners

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                Posted 02 November 2011 - 05:49 PM

                I am so happy to hear that.  I hope that he follows through on what he promised to do.  And congratulations for having the courage to have that conversation.  I am sure that it wasn't easy but you were strong and came through it with a plan in place.  Keep us all posted!



                #108 dallace

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                  Posted 09 November 2011 - 02:11 PM

                  OH MY GOODNESS LADIES!!! and here I thought MY family issues were bad...I guess there not that bad just more of an inconvienience lol.

                   

                  SO very sorry to hear what happened St. Lucia, I just don't understand why some people have the urge to ruin something great for others. Whats even worse is that they brought your ex-FI down with them...shame on them and him for that matter! As the other ladies said though, at least you didn't end up finding out 5 years down the road that he's spineless and can't stand up for you when you needed him to most. You deserve a MAN to take care of you, and obviously he's still a mamas boy. SO glad that he's meeting you in the middle and not leaving you high and dry without a vehicle and being mature about moving out, as long as he follows through with it. That's one thing my FI and I made very clear to eachother about our second vehicle...(his truck is his.. he paid for it, he had it before we were together ect.) but our second vehicle is "ours" (mainly mine but we're both puting money into it). Being that he's got a better insurance discount than me we put it in his name but agreed that if for some god aweful reason things didnt work out we would sell it and split the profet, then we're both "happy" so to say. Stay strong missy, you will make it through this tough time. Now that he's moving out hopefully it will be easier to deal with the emotions behind it all, start over and start focusign on YOU and what you want and deserve.

                   

                  Happy that there are others out there experiencing family's from hell that I can relate to. Glad I don't have ppl trying to manipulate the situation to get what they want, I've just gotten a few snarky comments from his parents about "not having the money to get married". Excuse me?! For starters they forked $50,000 out for his sister to get married at one of the most expensive golf courses around, not to mention hand her anything she wants. Yet we can't even get a congratulations on our engagement?! (we didn't even tell them for over a month because we knew they would be mad about it) Or even offer to help out at all? (which I'm totally okay with) but PUH-LEASE! Secondly We are taking things as they come and saving what we can. We don't have dates or anything set but we know where we want to go and we're just letting people know our plans so its not a huge SUPRISE you have to pull $1500 out of your butt for a trip. Suprisingly they took the destination wedding idea well, but they knew from the get go thats what we wanted to do since we had talked about it before even getting engaged. When I did throw an idea for a date out I got "welll...hmmm....we've booked our holidays for around that time and we were planning on going on a cruise....annnddd....we would really like to come...". Really?! You would rather go on a cruise than attend our wedding? Then proceeded to try and get me to change when we wanted to go ect. (dates arent set in stone but STILL) Now there just left with the disapointment that he's marrying me and not someone that goes to church. (NOTHING against religious people, I just don't attend church and that REALLLLLLY gets to them lol). It doesn't matter to them that he's happy with me and we make a great pair (not to toot my own horn or anything), I have a good job, I work my ass off, and I put up with there shit without opening my big mouth lol (which is really difficult by the way, I've always been rather outspoken).  It's funny, because now his sister brought up at a family dinner that she didnt have a budget when she got married their parents said price out what you want and we'll pay for it and now she's saying "if she could go back she would have a destination wedding with mainly family and whoever else could afford to come, blah blah blah" GIVE ME A BREAK! Needless to say my FI was PISSED and we left before even finishing dinner. WOW way to rub in our faces that she's a spoiled brat!! It's going to be very interesting when they find out that my FI's brother in-law (sisters husband) isn't invited to the wedding..thats going to be a wirl wind in itself. My FI and his brother in-law were working together and shit hit the fan and they are no longer speaking but thats a whole other story lol. Now I've got his family trying to get me to "make" him forgive his brother in-law which isn't going to happen, he's a big boy and can make that decision on his own. (another thing his family hates about me, I don't force him to do things he doesn't want to do lol - figure that one out) 

                   

                  Thats not even mentioning my side of the family..they are all supportive of our decisions but everything is just a mess over there. My mom and step-dad offered to pay for the majority of the wedding and were super excited about it, but now they are splitting up. So unfortinatley my mother moved to a different province for now and I never get to talk to her. She wants to buy my dress but sluffs me off when I bring anything about it up....and it's been on hold since May!!! (with a small deposit to hold it- WAY to long if you ask me). Thank god the lady I'm buying it from I've been able to make friends with and she knows my situation a little bit so she's been really good. I went and talked to her yesterday and decided that I will go ahead and buy the dress and if my mom still wants to pay for it she can pay me back. No more waiting around for this chick, I'm taking control now lol!!  I also talked to my step-dad the other day he said no matter what happens between him and my mom he still wanted to help with the wedding...I just feel kind of awkward about it now. It's not really his "job" to do that... SO I'll have to run it past the FI and see what he thinks. I think he'll probably feel just as guilty as me taking money from him but we'll see what happens. WOW if only things could work out nicely!!!

                   

                  WELL sorry for that massive rant you guys. Feels good to get it out though! Good luck to all you beautiful, wonderful ladies and I hope things all work out as you dream!!



                  #109 Brenners

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                    Posted 11 November 2011 - 07:04 PM

                    All I can say is wow.  So many people have their own mess, right?  I hope that everything works out for you.  Sounds like you and your fiance are strong together and that makes all the difference in the world.  Good luck!
                     

                    Originally Posted by dallace 

                    OH MY GOODNESS LADIES!!! and here I thought MY family issues were bad...I guess there not that bad just more of an inconvienience lol.

                     

                    SO very sorry to hear what happened St. Lucia, I just don't understand why some people have the urge to ruin something great for others. Whats even worse is that they brought your ex-FI down with them...shame on them and him for that matter! As the other ladies said though, at least you didn't end up finding out 5 years down the road that he's spineless and can't stand up for you when you needed him to most. You deserve a MAN to take care of you, and obviously he's still a mamas boy. SO glad that he's meeting you in the middle and not leaving you high and dry without a vehicle and being mature about moving out, as long as he follows through with it. That's one thing my FI and I made very clear to eachother about our second vehicle...(his truck is his.. he paid for it, he had it before we were together ect.) but our second vehicle is "ours" (mainly mine but we're both puting money into it). Being that he's got a better insurance discount than me we put it in his name but agreed that if for some god aweful reason things didnt work out we would sell it and split the profet, then we're both "happy" so to say. Stay strong missy, you will make it through this tough time. Now that he's moving out hopefully it will be easier to deal with the emotions behind it all, start over and start focusign on YOU and what you want and deserve.

                     

                    Happy that there are others out there experiencing family's from hell that I can relate to. Glad I don't have ppl trying to manipulate the situation to get what they want, I've just gotten a few snarky comments from his parents about "not having the money to get married". Excuse me?! For starters they forked $50,000 out for his sister to get married at one of the most expensive golf courses around, not to mention hand her anything she wants. Yet we can't even get a congratulations on our engagement?! (we didn't even tell them for over a month because we knew they would be mad about it) Or even offer to help out at all? (which I'm totally okay with) but PUH-LEASE! Secondly We are taking things as they come and saving what we can. We don't have dates or anything set but we know where we want to go and we're just letting people know our plans so its not a huge SUPRISE you have to pull $1500 out of your butt for a trip. Suprisingly they took the destination wedding idea well, but they knew from the get go thats what we wanted to do since we had talked about it before even getting engaged. When I did throw an idea for a date out I got "welll...hmmm....we've booked our holidays for around that time and we were planning on going on a cruise....annnddd....we would really like to come...". Really?! You would rather go on a cruise than attend our wedding? Then proceeded to try and get me to change when we wanted to go ect. (dates arent set in stone but STILL) Now there just left with the disapointment that he's marrying me and not someone that goes to church. (NOTHING against religious people, I just don't attend church and that REALLLLLLY gets to them lol). It doesn't matter to them that he's happy with me and we make a great pair (not to toot my own horn or anything), I have a good job, I work my ass off, and I put up with there shit without opening my big mouth lol (which is really difficult by the way, I've always been rather outspoken).  It's funny, because now his sister brought up at a family dinner that she didnt have a budget when she got married their parents said price out what you want and we'll pay for it and now she's saying "if she could go back she would have a destination wedding with mainly family and whoever else could afford to come, blah blah blah" GIVE ME A BREAK! Needless to say my FI was PISSED and we left before even finishing dinner. WOW way to rub in our faces that she's a spoiled brat!! It's going to be very interesting when they find out that my FI's brother in-law (sisters husband) isn't invited to the wedding..thats going to be a wirl wind in itself. My FI and his brother in-law were working together and shit hit the fan and they are no longer speaking but thats a whole other story lol. Now I've got his family trying to get me to "make" him forgive his brother in-law which isn't going to happen, he's a big boy and can make that decision on his own. (another thing his family hates about me, I don't force him to do things he doesn't want to do lol - figure that one out) 

                     

                    Thats not even mentioning my side of the family..they are all supportive of our decisions but everything is just a mess over there. My mom and step-dad offered to pay for the majority of the wedding and were super excited about it, but now they are splitting up. So unfortinatley my mother moved to a different province for now and I never get to talk to her. She wants to buy my dress but sluffs me off when I bring anything about it up....and it's been on hold since May!!! (with a small deposit to hold it- WAY to long if you ask me). Thank god the lady I'm buying it from I've been able to make friends with and she knows my situation a little bit so she's been really good. I went and talked to her yesterday and decided that I will go ahead and buy the dress and if my mom still wants to pay for it she can pay me back. No more waiting around for this chick, I'm taking control now lol!!  I also talked to my step-dad the other day he said no matter what happens between him and my mom he still wanted to help with the wedding...I just feel kind of awkward about it now. It's not really his "job" to do that... SO I'll have to run it past the FI and see what he thinks. I think he'll probably feel just as guilty as me taking money from him but we'll see what happens. WOW if only things could work out nicely!!!

                     

                    WELL sorry for that massive rant you guys. Feels good to get it out though! Good luck to all you beautiful, wonderful ladies and I hope things all work out as you dream!!



                     



                    #110 mdcoug

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                      Posted 13 November 2011 - 07:42 AM

                      Stluciabound, 

                       

                      Like the other ladies have said I am glad that you were able to get what you wanted and needed to say out. This isn't working for me anymore and this is what I would like. I am also glad that he is working with you and not against you. I just hope motherzilla doesn't stick her nose into the matter. Stay strong girl 






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