I know exactly what you're talking about! My FI's ex (lives 2 hours away in another town) but would randomly come in town not telling us and drop off his daughter. Of course he wants to spend as much time with her as possible, but it was more like she was just using him as a babysitter so she could see her boyfriend. One time she even called on her way in town and made us cancel our plans so we could wait for her, she had his daughter call and say she was coming to see him, then didn't pick her up until Monday at 5am so she could drive back out of town to get his daughter to school, which I did not agree was healthy for his daughter to be traveling like that. I believe a child needs some sort of stability, especially with the crazy mom she has! She has always made life so difficult for us because its always about her, not their daughter. We've never had a good relationship, but the past year or so she has seemed to warmed up to me. My FMIL says I should be careful bc its all an act. My FI even found out recently that a year ago she was calling his family in another state ALL the time, out of no where, trying to get in good with them so they would convinve my FI to leave me and go back to her!!! But regardless of all this, his daughter and I have a great relationship. Its been difficult at times early on bc before we talked about marriage and kids he always made comments to everyone that no child could ever be as perfect as her, and he didn't even want to bother trying. So this definitely made me feel like if we had children he would love them as much as her. But after alot of talking about things we've gotten through it.
Sorry to vent, but I've never really been to talk to anyone that understands what I'm going through, and so glad I found this thread!
Originally Posted by Ellabaja1983
See, FI and the mother don't have the greatest relationship... I think her and I have a better relationship than the two of them do. It has gotten a little more difficult in the past 6 months when she realized that this was really happening and we were getting married. She's made a point in making things a little more difficult. She really enjoys inconveniencing FI and I so she can do what she wants, when she wants, with her boyfriend of almost a year now. Even if it's her weekend, she expects FI to help out with getting the kids to/from their sporting events, but when it's his weekend, "it doesn't fit into her plan." Of course FI isn't going to make it difficult for the kids and is always there for both boys sporting events, so he does what he needs to do. I think that has become our biggest obsticle.
I must say, a couple of years ago when FMIL said, "Oh yea (insert boys mother's name here), said that she really likes you and that you are easy to get along with!" I responded to FMIL with, "Of course I am! Why would I not be? It would only cause more problems for FI, and I don't want that!"