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Calling All StepMoms & SM2B's :)

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Hopefully it will get better Bailey, I don't know about you guys but I found been a teenager a very difficult time in my life so I try to sympathize (sp) with teenagers.  I don't mean tolerate disrespect or foolishness but it can be a confusing time in life especially when other major events beyond focusing on being a teenager is going on around you.  So again hopefully it'll get better as I stated DH 15y/o son may be having some issues, it hasn't come to me directly and I hope it doesn't.

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We are not married yet. We have been together for 8 years on April 26, living together for 6 years. It's been a long road-to get to a point were we went yesterday to pick out an E-Ring. There were loads of issues to get to a point where he could file for a divorce. Its insane but they have been separated for 8 1/2 years and they just filed for divorce a month ago.

 

His son is taking the divorce of his parents hard. It doesn't make sense to me. They have been living in separate provinces for over 8 years. When my future step-son heard about the divorce, he said "I don't know what his problem is? Why can't he just leave things as they are? If they get married-I'm not going to the wedding! "

 

We are devestated he is going to have a horrible time adjusting. I honestly don't understand what he is so upset about. Like I said before his parents like in different proviences, his mom has been living with a man for 8 1/2 years, we have been together for the same amount of time.

 

 

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baileybutton,

 

The finality of things for kids as well as adults can be hard!  Maybe he held on to some inkling of hope and now that his parents filed for divorce, he knows that is not going to happen. Maybe FI could have some consistent 1 on 1 time with him where it's all about them and no one else...time for him to vent and his dad to listen and explain.  The same if possible should be done on the mom's end.
 

Originally Posted by baileybutton View Post

We are not married yet. We have been together for 8 years on April 26, living together for 6 years. It's been a long road-to get to a point were we went yesterday to pick out an E-Ring. There were loads of issues to get to a point where he could file for a divorce. Its insane but they have been separated for 8 1/2 years and they just filed for divorce a month ago.

 

His son is taking the divorce of his parents hard. It doesn't make sense to me. They have been living in separate provinces for over 8 years. When my future step-son heard about the divorce, he said "I don't know what his problem is? Why can't he just leave things as they are? If they get married-I'm not going to the wedding! "

 

We are devestated he is going to have a horrible time adjusting. I honestly don't understand what he is so upset about. Like I said before his parents like in different proviences, his mom has been living with a man for 8 1/2 years, we have been together for the same amount of time.

 

 



 

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My soon to be step son's Mom is great too! We all have a pretty good relationship. I find she holds her hand out for money a bit more then I think is necessary-considering the child and spousal support she gets! lol

 

However, she is much more level headed then my soon-to-be fiance. He feels guity about living his life with me while his son lives with his ex. He is working on his feelings of guilt though. I know it will all work out. I think his son is concerned that things are going to change andI'm confident that nothing will change.

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Originally Posted by coconoir1908 View Post

 

baileybutton,

 

The finality of things for kids as well as adults can be hard!  Maybe he held on to some inkling of hope and now that his parents filed for divorce, he knows that is not going to happen. Maybe FI could have some consistent 1 on 1 time with him where it's all about them and no one else...time for him to vent and his dad to listen and explain.  The same if possible should be done on the mom's end.

 

I was going to say the same thing...  there was obviously some that had the son hanging on, and it's that finality of the whole thing.  Depending on the age, he could have some what been living in a fantasy land thinking that since they haven't gotten divorced, there is still hope....  I really think it's going to be a situation where time is the only healer...  You've just gotta be supportive and let him know that you aren't going to turn his life upside down and make it terrible while he visits his father (insert evil step-mom image here).

 

 

 

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LOL, I feel like my FSS hates me and the funny thing is he doesn't. I feel like I'm taking his dad away. I love this kid more then anything. FI is heading home this weekend to spend time with his son and family. For the past 8 years we have lived about a 7 hour drive from our home town. FI drives home about every 3rd weekend to hang out with him.

 

FI doesn't know how to talk to his son about all this, he feels guilty! I guess FSS was up all night upset about the divorce. I'm trying to remind FI that his son just needs to know nothing is going to change. I know time is going to be what will help in the end.

 

I agree he must have had some hope that mom and dad were going to get back together. The part I don't understand is mom and dad have been separated for 8 years. His mom has been living with the same guy she cheated on FI with for the past 8 years. They separated in March 2003 when FI found her cheating (again) he said enough is enough and moved to our current city. I met him here through a mutual friend and we have been together since May 2003. FSS was 6 when they separated, he's 14 now.

 

LMAO about the evil step mom image! HAHA, I feel it hard to reach out to him. I want to let him know that I'm not trying to ruin his life, that I love him and I don't want to hurt him but sometimes we have to deal with legal issues (divorce)

 

We know this divorce and our future marriage are the right things to do. 

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Bailey, another thing I think is important is to make sure FSS has little to know about the details of the divorce.  I think that would make it harder for him and it's just added stress that isn't need.  I know some parents don't care how much the children know, but I think that in this situation especially, he has little knowledge about it.  I understand that you can only do so much because he resides with him moth, but it's just something to add. 

 

You aren't going to be able to let him know that nothing will change because of the legal pieces, without allowing yourselves some time to SHOW him that things aren't changing... maybe explain that "things aren't going to change, and we'll show you that as time progresses..."

 

It's definitely a tough situation...

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I agree and as I stated before when things become more of a reality some people have a hard time dealing with it.  I have had a few people change their view of our relationship now that it's serious, I'm like what did you think or why are you so shocked but I guess when the reality sets in or things become official people feel different.  I guess what happens is whatever people have their hopes set on when it doesn't happen that way they have a hard time dealing, which is understandable but life goes on.  Yes, time is really the only healer and way he will see the good in the situation and it's not what he may be painting in his head.  Both father and mother could talk to him and provide some reassurance, that may help some.  I'm sure it'll get better.

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On the bright side, my unofficial FI ordered my E-Ring yesterday! :) It's is sent away for sizing now. It still might be a couple of months till we are officially engaged but I'm crazy happy that he will have my ring now!! :) :) :)

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You don't have to have a ring to be officially engaged!!  I know it helps...but I work with a girl who was engaged for about two months before her ring came back from the jeweler... 

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