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Long Distance Relationships - Some thoughts

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#1 AishaB

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    Posted 18 June 2010 - 09:33 AM

    For the last week or so me and my FI have been going back and forth about things and at one point it just became a little too much for me. I just have to say thank goodness I had this forum to come to and just forget (even though wedding planning in the meantime).

    What we have found is that there are issues that may exist in a long distance relationship that will not and do not come into play unless the specific instance presents itself. Relationships of course continue to be about learning more about each other and fitting the pieces of two independent characters and spirits together to make a whole.

    One way of getting to this place is communication, communication, communication. What my FI and I realized or rather knew but failed to address was that as some issues arose we chose to communicate about them less. When this happened, it started to cause a break down, thus causing other issues. Issues, that really didn't have to exist and that weren't a problem, but because we had not communicated about things originally they became bigger problems.

    So as we work through our lapse in communication, we bring ourselves back to a place of comfort and peace in our relationship (you know I'm the fiesty one). I guess my advice to anyone in a long distance relationship or in any relationship, when you see things that may not be going right or you feel that something needs to be said - SAY IT! Don't delay it, don't wait for the perfect time, don't wait until things become stressful or uncomfortable and both of you know that there is 1000lb gorilla in the room but neither of you dare mention the fact.

    Me and the FI are fine now, we have talked and talked and talked! But last weekend when he visited things were so off we didn't enjoy his visit as we should have and we were supposed to go see venues and neither one of us could even bring ourselves to do so. It was all wasted time with the little time that we did have together.

    Remember that LDR's are just a little bit more stressful than the normal relationship. So remember to continue to communicate, communicate, communicate!

    BDW the best place for my TYPE A personality!

    #2 Sax Lady

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      Posted 18 June 2010 - 12:04 PM


      those are some great points. Mine is a little different it is long distnace but we live in two different countries so its even harder for us to see other on a normal basis. But you are so right as in any relationship you must have communication and espeically in LDR because you dont get to see each other everydays so some things will come up that most couples probably have worked out a long time ago but your just facing. Thanks for the post.

      #3 AishaB

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        Posted 18 June 2010 - 02:38 PM

        Sax Lady, you are also correct in your point that what others have worked out we are just working on, not to mention that sometimes you worked it out but you've been away so long, you forgot cause you weren't around that person so now you have to try and fix it again. it's like taking one step forward, one step back. Where is your FI located? What are you guys going to do after the wedding, i.e., which one of you will be moving. In our case I will be moving to TX cause right now he has the job, so it will be easier. So for at least a couple of years that should be our home.
        BDW the best place for my TYPE A personality!

        #4 Sax Lady

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          Posted 18 June 2010 - 09:06 PM

          I'm in the states NC and he's in Jamaica. We decided it probably will be best for him to move here. We went back and forth with this though. We also went back in forth about were to get married he wanted to do it here in US but I told him in the long run it probably would be better (because of all the paper work involved) to do it there. And let me tell you that was a very long discussion. I see you all still have a year. We are down to about 2months but because of immagration after the wedding we will still be apart for a few more months. That will be hard but I told him that in the long run it would be better to be separted a few extra months.

          And she I agree because of the difference in location sometimes you forgot about what was discussed and the dilemma starts all over but I know in the end we will both have great marriages and relationships. Me and my FI started out friends for a few years before we even got together and I think this has helped our relationship out a lot. I also think that the distance makes you think of different ways to do things and that makes the relationship stronger in some cases.

          #5 AishaB

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            Posted 19 June 2010 - 05:59 AM

            Oh trust me I know about immigration, I worked in that field for a while and I am originally from Trinidad so I know lots of people who have gone through it. Good luck in that regard, I pray everything goes smoothly and quickly, so you guys can be together. Your time is drawing near quickly so the big day will definitely be here soon for you guys. NICE!

            Definitely what doesnt break you will only make you stronger and LDRs definitely allow you to become friends because you take time to discuss things not always important but little things and also like you said, it makes you creative. Well we can definitely say that we and our relationships will be better for it.

            Good luck my dear and please keep in touch to let me know how it all goes.
            BDW the best place for my TYPE A personality!

            #6 JanineA

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              Posted 19 June 2010 - 11:35 AM

              Long distance relationships can be very hard I have done it in the past. One of my bffs is in a long distance relationship now. Her fiance lives in Switzerland and she lives in Colombia. I was and still am the only friend who supports her in this relationship (all of our other friends thinks they would have never made it), and 4 years of LDR they are now engaged. The paperwork will take a bit longer since Switzerland is one of the strictest countries in the world (more strict than US) so they expect to be apart up to about 6 months after they marry this November, but both you ladies made some valid point and seem to know what it takes to keep the relationship giong. Communication is paramount! Your relationship is at a different pace than people who see each other regularly. But I think as long as both people are honest, coming from a place of understanding and realizing that both are going through this together, frustrated at times together communication can help work things out. I am glad Aisha that things are back on the right track. You know that I am rooting for you all the way! Sax Lady I hope your situation works out for the best as well......I remember dealing with immigration when I moved here as well (Trinidadian also).....it can be trying on your patience, nerves and everything else. Good luck ladies!

              #7 ktnicole

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                Posted 21 June 2010 - 08:46 PM

                I am not in a LDR but I did want to mention how much I agree with needing to get it out into the open when something is not right. My FI and I struggle with this- He doesn't want to complain so he won't tell me anything. Well then it becomes a bigger issue than needed. Good communication is so crucial and will be something I think most couples should always keep in mind. thanks for the post

                #8 *Meagan*

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                  Posted 21 June 2010 - 08:52 PM

                  My DH and I did long distance for 3.5 years.. across the country!!!! It was extremely hard and looking back I have no clue how we did it .. but we did. and here we are married together over 5 years and married 5 months next week! its crazy but LDR are way harder than any other relationship and COMMUNICATION IS KEY!

                  #9 AishaB

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                    Posted 21 June 2010 - 10:00 PM

                    Thanks ladies. I have just been going through this transition and it has been tough for me and I think because of where I am, it has been putting some stress on him and then we are both stressed. So I am trying to just relax and let things go. I have a tendency to over think things, so I am trying to just let go and let God (easier said than done of course)!
                    Thanks for all of your support!
                    BDW the best place for my TYPE A personality!

                    #10 Nicyx

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                      Posted 22 June 2010 - 02:20 AM

                      LDR..... 2 words , VERY HARD.... BUT in my case absolutly worth it. I feel for all you ladies who are apart from your FI. I did LDR for 7 years, luckily we live together now but they were the 7 hardest years of our lives and very very testing at times, as you said at the bottom of your first post... Communicate, Communtcate, Communicate :-)
                      There were times when we would see each other every weekend and others due to work commitments etc that it would be 6-8 weeks before we would see each other and unless it was holidays booked from work, we would usually only get 2-3 days together!!!

                      Things are very hard but when you are finally together it makes it all worth it, and just shows that your relarionship is very very strong :-)

                      I really do feel for you and know you will be ok and come out the other side xoxox

                      HUGS xox

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