Anxiety about moving in with in-laws
Posted 13 May 2010 - 09:19 AM
I've read tons of threads on monstrous in-laws, so i feel bad about posting here, but i really want your advice, so decided to go with it.
This is the situation:
Future FIL gave me and FI a house to live in. It's in the suburbs, so it takes FI 2 hours to commute to work, not to mention 2 separate transit fares each way. We've lived here since September, and his friend also moved in with us because his rent downtown was too expensive.
We are getting married in August. FIL should retire, because his job is physically demanding. To make this easier, FI and I agreed to move back home in September to help with the bills.
I have no problems living with them, as they are wonderful people and sometimes treat me even better than my own parents It will just be a huge change for me because i'm used to living with just my mom in a 3-bedroom condo with 2 washrooms. There was a lot of extra space to wander around in, and my mom was also out most of the day, so I got a TON of personal space. FI's family house is dt, so naturally, there is less room. Because they are worried about break-in's, they keep their curtains drawn all the time, making the narrow spaces even darker and more claustrophobic. I looooove sunlight. FI is Indian, and they have a very close-knit extended family, so people are always coming in and out of the house. FI says I can always go to to bedroom, but that makes me feel like i'm in high school again, where the only place to be alone was your bedroom.
I know that it's the best for everyone, and it's the right thing to do. God knows how much his parents have sacrificed to raise him and his brother. I'm just a little anxious about my mental sanity. I really prize my alone time and love being quiet, or just chilling with friends. I don't want to be ungrateful to them, because they treat me so well, and in no way do I want to be rude or disrespectful. But.. sometimes it just gets tiring, y'know? I'm also a little sad because his friend is moving out end of August, which is basically when we move downtown. So that leaves us hardly any time alone as newly-weds.
Do you guys have any advice on living in close quarters with in-laws and maintaining your sanity as well as private time with hubby? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks guys!
Posted 13 May 2010 - 09:57 AM
Posted 15 May 2010 - 03:10 PM
Posted 15 May 2010 - 07:15 PM
1) I havent lived with parents for the past 16yrs
2) We would be 5 in the household(FIL, MIL, DH, myself and my 7yr old)
3) The basement room has no privacy at all its open space. The laundry room and the gym are right behind. Problem is my MIL and FIL walk in their house as they please... I mean after all it is THEIR house they can do what they want and their favorite places are in the basement!
4) My MIL can sometimes be over bearing.. She is suuuper sweet and i <3 her to pieces but a lot of times, she doesn't mean to trust me, she kinda butts into some private issues to put in her 2 cents..
Ive already sat down and talked to my future MIL about a few issues that were really bothering me and just tried to smooth things out with her as much as I can. We are paying xoxox amount to help with bills etc, obviously not as much as real rent but still trying to help out. Even though it is a huge favor that they are doing for us it is important to be able to spend some time with my husband without fearing the IL's coming down the stairs or invading our private space. I think honestly maybe sit down with your FI and with your future IL's about maybe setting some "privacy" boundaries etc to kinda make you feel a bit more at ease about the transition. Hope this helps Good luck!
Posted 16 May 2010 - 08:03 AM
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