Another "dad" question.
Posted 19 April 2010 - 12:39 PM
so i'm not close with my dad to say the least, and he left when i was 13 months old and move to FL ( i live in Edmonton, AB CAN ).. anyways, now i sent him a STD because i felt i needed to. and now he's like
"oh i cant wait to walk you down the isle" blah blah
i'm like uhh no! my mom will be walking with me, she's been my rock for as long as i can remember & i dont have a step father so, it makes sense to me..
1) how do i tell my "dad" that i dont want him walking me down the isle without hurting his feelings cause thats not what i'm trying to do.
2) should i give him a father daughter dance? and if so what song should i choose thats like daughter father but not so like daddy's little girl etc... ??
Posted 19 April 2010 - 01:39 PM
It's a tough situation but if you invite him and he's there, but not walking you down the aisle or getting a dance, that might be too uncomfortable for you, knowing that you are kind of snubbing him. Unless you despise him or can't imagine doing so, I'd have a dance, for both of you. Especially if your Mom is walking you down the aisle.
Posted 19 April 2010 - 02:49 PM
As far as the dance, do whatever you feel like. We had no official dances (other than to kick things off), and it was a great party. If you don't want a father-daughter dance, don't have one.
Happily married since 2008
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Posted 19 April 2010 - 03:01 PM
Posted 19 April 2010 - 03:16 PM
I wish I had looked at this forum before I struggled with this same question. I ended up telling my bio-dad about the plans of having the cermony in Mexico and he was upset I wasn't assuming he would walk me down the aisle. So, now I am still doing it in Mexico with my step-dad walking me down the aisle, and having an at home cermony so he can walk me so I don't hurt his feelings, and an AHR where he will be able to have a father daughter dance. Blah! So much work for someone whom hasn't even really been there for me or made that much effort for me! I made a mess of mine, hopefully yours goes better.
Posted 19 April 2010 - 03:18 PM
| Originally Posted by Thomasjsgirl |
What kind of a relationship do you have? Are you more like casual friends?
Posted 19 April 2010 - 03:23 PM
Posted 19 April 2010 - 04:30 PM
As for walking up the aisle, I think you can say it to him very nicely and honestly. "Dad (if you call him that), I am happy that you would like to walk me up the aisle, however, I have already asked mom to do my the honors. I believe that she is the one who should be walking me up the aisle on of the the most important, if not the most important day in my life. But know that your presence there would just make my heart so glad and will complete my day".
My mom has five girls as so far she has done the honors for three of us. I cannot wait for my turn for her to do it. She deserves it. She brought us up with no help from my dad and it is her day too, to show case the good job she has done and to now hand me off to the next chapter in my life!
Posted 19 April 2010 - 04:48 PM
I agree with the girls - explain to him that you envisioned something different for your ceremony. It's up to you whether or not you'd like to go into detail. I think that the father-daughter dance, however, is a good compromise. It will only cost you a few minutes of your time but it will give him a great memory to hold on to. Who knows, if you keep an open heart about it, this dance could be the very thing to facilitate a closer relationship between the two of you down the line.
I've learned as an adult that there are two sides to every story. Even though your mother has earned your loyalty, you may want to hear his side too (eventually). You never know the mindset of a person until you at least give them a voice. Even if he was a rotten apple back then, he may have changed.
After my son died 2 years ago at the age of 11, I have decided to live my life with no regrets and create the best memories that I can in the time that I have (even if they are for someone else). I'd like to pass that same mantra on to you.
Give him the dance. What have you got to lose?
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