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Another "dad" question.

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#1 nmurch

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    Posted 19 April 2010 - 12:39 PM


    so i'm not close with my dad to say the least, and he left when i was 13 months old and move to FL ( i live in Edmonton, AB CAN ).. anyways, now i sent him a STD because i felt i needed to. and now he's like

    "oh i cant wait to walk you down the isle" blah blah

    i'm like uhh no! my mom will be walking with me, she's been my rock for as long as i can remember & i dont have a step father so, it makes sense to me..

    1) how do i tell my "dad" that i dont want him walking me down the isle without hurting his feelings cause thats not what i'm trying to do.

    2) should i give him a father daughter dance? and if so what song should i choose thats like daughter father but not so like daddy's little girl etc... ??

    HELP <3
    jan 11 cant come soon enough...

    #2 MDLady

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      Posted 19 April 2010 - 01:39 PM

      It really depends on how close you are (not distance, that's obvious). Do you guys talk on a regular basis? Is he an important part of your life? Do you WANT to have the father-daughter dance with him or do you feel like you SHOULD?

      It's a tough situation but if you invite him and he's there, but not walking you down the aisle or getting a dance, that might be too uncomfortable for you, knowing that you are kind of snubbing him. Unless you despise him or can't imagine doing so, I'd have a dance, for both of you. Especially if your Mom is walking you down the aisle.

      #3 Thomasjsgirl

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        Posted 19 April 2010 - 01:48 PM

        What kind of a relationship do you have? Are you more like casual friends?
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        #4 becks



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        Posted 19 April 2010 - 02:49 PM

        Just tell your dad that he's not walking you down the aisle. Tell him it's not what you envision when you think about your wedding day. Tell him you hope that he isn't hurt, but it's just not what you want. He'll get over it. Him saying that he couldn't wait to walk you down the aisle may have been his way of letting you know that he would be happy to do so if that's what you wanted, rather than an assumption that he would.

        As far as the dance, do whatever you feel like. We had no official dances (other than to kick things off), and it was a great party. If you don't want a father-daughter dance, don't have one.

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        #5 jealousy88

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          Posted 19 April 2010 - 03:01 PM

          This is a tough one, but I think it comes down to how you envisioned things. Maybe if you are set on just you and your mom walking down the aisle together, then comprimise and give him the father daughter dance, or niether if your relationship is not very close at all. You have to do what you feel is right in your heart. Good luck!
          Tiffany and Shawn, June 23rd, 2012


          #6 Shuzzy

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            Posted 19 April 2010 - 03:16 PM

            I would go with what becks said. Tell him its not what you envisioned. Let him know you want an untraditional wedding and you want your mom to do it. As for the dance, I'd give it to him. In the long run it prob means more to him than you, but I'd give it to him.

            I wish I had looked at this forum before I struggled with this same question. I ended up telling my bio-dad about the plans of having the cermony in Mexico and he was upset I wasn't assuming he would walk me down the aisle. So, now I am still doing it in Mexico with my step-dad walking me down the aisle, and having an at home cermony so he can walk me so I don't hurt his feelings, and an AHR where he will be able to have a father daughter dance. Blah! So much work for someone whom hasn't even really been there for me or made that much effort for me! I made a mess of mine, hopefully yours goes better.

            #7 nmurch

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              Posted 19 April 2010 - 03:18 PM

              Originally Posted by Thomasjsgirl
              What kind of a relationship do you have? Are you more like casual friends?
              we are casual like... talk once every 2 months or so... my baba died about 2 weeks ago so he came here for the funeral ( it's his mom ) anyways so now he things he's all close with me and what not.. and it doesnt change anything... i feel weird around him
              jan 11 cant come soon enough...

              #8 aubry

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                Posted 19 April 2010 - 03:23 PM

                One approach might be to go with the symbolism of the walk down the aisle and "giving away". It's your mom who has provided and cared for you - I don't know, it might seem less personally against him that way? No easy answer I guess...

                #9 AishaB

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                  Posted 19 April 2010 - 04:30 PM

                  As someone whose father also left when they were very young, I would say to you, it depends on what you want to do. Do you want to have the father/daughter dance with him?

                  As for walking up the aisle, I think you can say it to him very nicely and honestly. "Dad (if you call him that), I am happy that you would like to walk me up the aisle, however, I have already asked mom to do my the honors. I believe that she is the one who should be walking me up the aisle on of the the most important, if not the most important day in my life. But know that your presence there would just make my heart so glad and will complete my day".

                  My mom has five girls as so far she has done the honors for three of us. I cannot wait for my turn for her to do it. She deserves it. She brought us up with no help from my dad and it is her day too, to show case the good job she has done and to now hand me off to the next chapter in my life!
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                  #10 SouthernSweetie

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                    Posted 19 April 2010 - 04:48 PM

                    Being the product of a blended family and having 3 daughters who may also face your situation later in life, here is my perspective:

                    I agree with the girls - explain to him that you envisioned something different for your ceremony. It's up to you whether or not you'd like to go into detail. I think that the father-daughter dance, however, is a good compromise. It will only cost you a few minutes of your time but it will give him a great memory to hold on to. Who knows, if you keep an open heart about it, this dance could be the very thing to facilitate a closer relationship between the two of you down the line.

                    I've learned as an adult that there are two sides to every story. Even though your mother has earned your loyalty, you may want to hear his side too (eventually). You never know the mindset of a person until you at least give them a voice. Even if he was a rotten apple back then, he may have changed.

                    After my son died 2 years ago at the age of 11, I have decided to live my life with no regrets and create the best memories that I can in the time that I have (even if they are for someone else). I'd like to pass that same mantra on to you.

                    Give him the dance. What have you got to lose?

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