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FSIL Drama!


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#11 ChristinaP

ChristinaP
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    Posted 05 February 2010 - 08:59 PM

    Glad to see that at least you and your FI are on the same team when it comes to this issue. We also struggled with this issue with some of our guests, and did what we were able to do- and all that included was to use all of our points to get FI's mom and step-dad to their departure point. This is all we could do, and I agree that it is nobody's business what you do and do not pay for other guests; sister or not.
    Although it was a really nice gesture to try and get her to go by your FI's other sister, it is no way no how your responsiblility to pitch in for someone else's trip even if you weren't paying for a bunch of other things right now including a HOUSE which is obviously a big deal!

    Good luck. Stand your ground, and don't let your FSIL make you feel guilty!

    #12 amygirl1169

    amygirl1169
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      Posted 05 February 2010 - 09:02 PM

      **UPDATE**

      Thanks for all the feedback, ladies!

      Perhaps I overstated how motherly the sister is to my FI. Since he's the youngest and their mother decided to move out of province when he was a teen, many of his family (siblings/older nephews, nieces, etc) have really been there for him, given him a place to live, fed him, all those caring things family does!
      I also failed to mention that we do send $ to the now elderly mother and also spend a fortune every year on Christmas presents for ALL of the sibling's kids/stepkids (I have tried many times to suggest we draw names or something, but No, the kids need 500 presents under the tree)!

      So when one family member can't come, it's difficult for us to say Ok, we'll help you, but not others. Especially when it's been my family really busting their butts to help us with our house, the wedding and giving us a place to live while our house is being built.

      So onto the update on the drama!

      Once one of the other sisters heard about this, she offered to pay for the full ticket (which she has the means to do, easily). Now the sister who originally started the email got her nose out of joint because 'it was her idea' and didn't want this well to do sister to 'steal her thunder'.
      WOW...
      To add to this, the eldest sister was embarassed and said she felt like a 'charity case'!!

      Oy...
      So, in the end about 5 siblings are splitting the cost and we'll no doubt try to pitch in what we can. IMO, it goes against my principle of saying ~ how do we decide who we help and who we don't?

      We are a few more bookings away from 1 more 'free' trip, so if we receive that, I'm going to give it to my sister/MOH who is currently in school and could really use that money back.
      I think that's only fair.

      In the end, I have about 6 FSILs to deal with once we're married... PLEASE wish me luck! hahaha

      #13 islandbride317

      islandbride317
      • Sr. Member
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        Posted 08 February 2010 - 02:07 AM

        OH, wow AMY....what a nightmare!!!

        And, to state the obvious, you are 110% correct that you shouldn't pay for the eldeset sister's ticket and no one else's (especially when you OWN sister is struggling to attend)! I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get the "free" trip and can give it to someone drama-free like your sister that really deserves it, since it sounds like your FI's eldest sister's trip is going to happen regardless.

        Hang in there, sweetheart -- and I think long after the wedding, his sisters will realize that you two did the best you could to make sure that everything worked out in the end.

        #14 TLC4Rock

        TLC4Rock
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          Posted 08 February 2010 - 02:48 AM

          This is a really sensitive subject. I know we would not be able to pay for anyone or even help them pay for their trip.

          My heart really goes out to you because as each day goes by I experience drama and issues with planning our wedding each day. I am giving this advice to myself...but don't let anyone guilt you into extending yourself beyond your means.

          #15 jplovesme

          jplovesme
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            Posted 08 February 2010 - 02:48 AM

            Yikes. That's horrible. You really shouldn't have to pay for anyone else, no matter who it is. They should know that you have enough to pay for when it comes to the wedding itself. Geez. Don't let them drag you into the drama.

            Good luck, and I hope it all comes together smoothly!!!

            #16 islandbride317

            islandbride317
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              Posted 08 February 2010 - 03:23 AM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by TLC4Rock
              This is a really sensitive subject. I know we would not be able to pay for anyone or even help them pay for their trip.

              My heart really goes out to you because as each day goes by I experience drama and issues with planning our wedding each day. I am giving this advice to myself...but don't let anyone guilt you into extending yourself beyond your means.
              Beautifully stated -- we are ALL feeling the crunch, and it's tough not to want to go waaaay over the top, just because someone else thinks you should or wants you to. Stay true to your original budget and just tell everyone else if they want something, anything above and beyond, for YOUR wedding, than THEY get to be the ones to pay for it!

              #17 smille50

              smille50
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                Posted 19 December 2010 - 06:22 PM

                Ya that sucks, I am not a fan of drama.






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