Originally Posted by DaynaBee
No one has been on this thread for a few months, but I just came across it and I'm glad.
My biggest stress? The bridesmaids. I've never been particularly good with women. They usually like me, but women tend to not enjoy my upfront attitude. So at one point if I tell them they are acting selfish they get all conniving and end up become a classic frienime. Whereas men will either yell at you, maybe call you something and get over it, which I don't mind, or see your point. I certainly appreciate honesty so I've always enjoyed friendships with men more. Long story short, I don't have a lot of long term girlfriends.
I know I can pick men for the bridal party but they also aren't the type who know how to plan anything or help with anything and I need help with this wedding. Soooo...women then?
So I picked my party, and now? My friend of 5 years has pretty much checked out of my life. It feels like she's only around for the wedding. She has been passed over for other wedding parties because she didn't live near her friends and this is her first shot, which I know she is very excited about. But I get the feeling she's excited about being in a wedding, not being in my wedding.
My least favourite moments so far are that she missed 90% of our engagement party, showed up long enough to complain it wasn't close enough to her house and has tried to manipulate my stagette trip to Vegas to suit all of her needs (trying to rearrange the rooms, the plans, the seats on the flight, everything)
I try talking to her and she is dismissive and defensive, a terrible combination. At this point, with a trip to Vegas coming up and her deposit down on the wedding, I feel like I'm between a rock and an uncaring place.
I could be over reacting, but I feel like I'm stuck with someone who just doesn't care.
I can understand what you are saying about not having a lot of choice with bridal party; I am the same way. Both FI and I have small circles of friends that we do a fair amount of stuff with, but I certainly do not have a long list of girlfriends... At this point, I am unsure even if any of them are coming to the wedding, due to finances and such. And, like you, what I wanted for my stagette is being completely changed by my only girlfriend involved in planning. However, she is planning it, and I know she is trying to please people, and it would be more convenient for her, so I am not making a fuss. It is for me, and I will choose to have an amazing attitude no matter what we do, and that will make it a great time. Even if there are only 3 of us there! Hahaha!
But it sounds like you have friends you can do things with, and at least your friend is making an effort, selfish though it may be. I think you just need to be as polite but straightforward as possible when you talk to her, and then just choose to let it go and have an amazing time regardless. However, if you are planning it, or if she is causing drama with other friends, then you need to speak up more.
Hope that helps. Just my opinion of course, and really, what do I know?