| Originally Posted by ebredhawk |
my FI has a daugther who is 6 and every once in a while she will slip up and call me "mom" and of course i correct her. she went on to tell me that, in her mind, i'm her mom when she's at our house, and her real mom is her mom when she's there. while that is 100% not true, i totally got where she was coming from. "mom" to her and at her age means more "female adult" than it does what we see it as.. the person who gave you life, etc. it was interesting to see her mind working through things, but i have been trying to explain to her what the difference between mom and stepmom are.
my mom told me once to stop trying to give FI's daughter the mental capacity of an adult when it comes to things like this. kid's don't always understand the situation the way we do or express themselves the way we think they should. i know it is nearly impossible not to take what they said personally, but i am certain your boys didn't mean it that way.
if this is any consolation, your sons could just be trying to work through what it means and who this lady is to them now that their dad has remarried.
I am so sorry you're going through this but I think this is a really good point. Maybe there's a name you and your ex can come up with that your kids can call his new wife. Not mom but something that will help them identify her role in the family. I agree, hearing that coming from your child to another woman would be heart wrenching. It's great you and the ex can talk about this though.
Good luck and remember-your kids will always know who their real mom is-nothing can take that subconscious knowledge away from them.