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Who knew something so little could hurt so much?

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#21 Vikki

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    Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:09 PM

    Originally Posted by ebredhawk

    my FI has a daugther who is 6 and every once in a while she will slip up and call me "mom" and of course i correct her. she went on to tell me that, in her mind, i'm her mom when she's at our house, and her real mom is her mom when she's there. while that is 100% not true, i totally got where she was coming from. "mom" to her and at her age means more "female adult" than it does what we see it as.. the person who gave you life, etc. it was interesting to see her mind working through things, but i have been trying to explain to her what the difference between mom and stepmom are.

    my mom told me once to stop trying to give FI's daughter the mental capacity of an adult when it comes to things like this. kid's don't always understand the situation the way we do or express themselves the way we think they should. i know it is nearly impossible not to take what they said personally, but i am certain your boys didn't mean it that way.

    if this is any consolation, your sons could just be trying to work through what it means and who this lady is to them now that their dad has remarried.

    I am so sorry you're going through this but I think this is a really good point. Maybe there's a name you and your ex can come up with that your kids can call his new wife. Not mom but something that will help them identify her role in the family. I agree, hearing that coming from your child to another woman would be heart wrenching. It's great you and the ex can talk about this though.

    Good luck and remember-your kids will always know who their real mom is-nothing can take that subconscious knowledge away from them.

    #22 *Meagan*

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      Posted 08 October 2009 - 08:27 PM

      hey stephanie! Im so sorry. I feel so badly. I dont have any children either. But the emotional attachment I had to the boys I babysit was enough alone to totally understand what you mean. IF I were in your shoes I would have re acted the same way. Im happy you spoke to your ex and hopefully he totally understands! Cheer up! They love you to pieces!!!

      #23 islandbride317

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      • 1,866 posts

        Posted 12 October 2009 - 10:10 PM

        If I could reach through the computer screen and hug you right now, I would Stephanie!

        I'm so sorry I didn't see this thread earlier...I feel so terrible about the pain you are going through. YOU are, and will always be, their only mommy -- period. And I agree that there should be a private conversation with your ex-husband expressing your feelings and how (rightfully) upset you are about your little ones calling another woman 'mom'. I don't want to sound catty here, but damn straight: YOU paid your dues with all of the sleepless nights, diaper changes, sniffles and otherwise tough days that your ex should not only see where you are coming from, but he should be happy to oblige. IMO, calling her by her first name should be sufficient! (But, since I cannot speak from experience, obviously do what YOU AS THE MOMMY think is best!!!)

        Keep you head up, sweetheart -- you are waaaaaay too amazing to be so down, and I am hopeful that things will turn around in the very near future for you.

        And P.S. OMG! Your boys are so handsome and adorable in your siggy! They must get their good-looks from their MOMMY!!!

        #24 budgetjamaicabride

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          Posted 12 October 2009 - 10:56 PM

          As a teacher of 12 years, I can not tell you how many times I get called mom. If it was a true case of them calling her that, I hope it is corrected soon. This is not just a badge... it is your right... and it is not a small thing.

          Well wishes and happy thoughts coming your way!

          #25 josee

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            Posted 13 October 2009 - 09:38 AM

            I am glad to see that you ex husband agrees with you. I have a daughter and I will be very hurt if she was calling someone else Mom. If I were you, I would not wait and see though, I will have a chat with my kids and explain to them that only you can be called Mom and maybe even try to find a name that they can call you ex husband's wife. Good luck to you and big hugs.

            #26 Married_In_Maui

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              Posted 13 October 2009 - 10:37 AM

              Aw Stephanie, my heart is breaking for you!!! I too have a 6 year old son & would be absolutely DEVASTED if he one day called someone else mom. I believe that term is reserved for the one that carried you for 9 months & cares for you through thick & thin. Your children are probably just too small to understand this & maybe have even been told to call this woman mom. I would talk to your children & explain to them how much it upsets you, b/c you are, after all, their ONLY mom. Good luck & I am thinking of you, b/c from one mother to another - I can only imagine how heartbroken I would be!!!

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