Posted 13 July 2009 - 01:51 PM
My 'best friend" and I have been tighter-than-tight for about four years now. She was the one who introduced me to my FI and she was the first one my FI called when he was was going to pop the question. He also popped that question on her birthday, so there was no doubt in my mind when I asked-- well, moreso told-- her she that she was going to be my MOH.
So during the beginning stages of the wedding planning shebang, she became extremely busy with her own life, as she was in the midst of buying her first house. Of course something as big as that would detract her from her MOH-ly duties, but that was fine by me since I never wanted to put too much on her plate to begin with. However, I noticed that she would never ask about the wedding: how it was going, if there was anything I needed her to do, what dress I'd like her to wear, etc. etc. I brushed it off as petty stuff, put on my big-girl face, and carried on, even helping her look for her new abode.
In November, two months after the engagement, I mentioned to her that I wanted to have possibly have a small party at my house to celebrate my birthday and our engagement (side note, I love to celebrate everything lol). She asked me "Aren't you getting enough attention as it is with this wedding? Do you really need to throw an engagement party?". I was taken aback. Really? Did you just say that? I explained to her that it wasn't for attention, it was to celebrate how exciting everything was; to which she replied "ok, Bridezilla".
For some reason, that really struck a nerve with me. I wasn't trying to be selfish and bask in a bridal spotlight! I simply wanted to gather a few of our family and close friends and tell them, oh hey, by the way, we're engaged-- yay! However, her comment left me very uncomfortable and a bit annoyed-- so much so, I completely stopped talking about anything wedding-related to her (btw-- she attended the party. For all of one hour before running off to someone elses' birthday party.)
So anyway, fast forward. About a month and half ago, she told she had cheated on her boyfriend. It had absolutely nothing to do with our friendship, but for some reason, it struck another nerve in me for all the obvious reasons. Now, usually, I sugarcoat a lot of things when it comes to her and I tend to take her side, even if for the wrong reasons but this time around, I couldn't help but give her a little piece of my mind. In a calm, collected and adult manner of course. I thought that we could talk about anything as two grown adults that had been friends for awhile so I expected her to receive the opinion well. But no-- she did a COMPLETE 180! She accused me of judging her and acting like I knew everything about her and her relationship. I became a little angry at her backlash, but realized that I might have overstepped my boundaries as a friend. I tried to explain what I was trying to say but she wasn't having any of it and continued on her barrage of accusations. I quickly tried to diffuse the stiuation and told her that we would talk about later.
So a day goes by and she hasn't contacted me. A week goes by and I'm still unsure of how to feel. Should I stand my ground to get my point across or should I cave in and apologize? I decide to stand my ground because it just all really left a bad taste in my mouth. Two weeks go by, and she still has not contacted me. At this point, I felt like I should let her decide whether she wants to come to me and talk about it. Then another week goes by... Nada. I finally came to the decision that she would no longer be my MOH, a bridesmaid, or even a guest at our wedding. Sad as it was, but I was hurt and angry that, among other reasons-- a) she accused me of judging her and not being mature enough to handle a difference of opinion.
About a week ago, she starts leaving me civil little comments on Facebook and sending me random text messages. We start talking little by little, and she asks how the wedding is going and sends me ideas and links to wedding stuff-- you know, stuff she could have done back when. Neither of us have uttered a word about what transpired weeks earlier. In some ways, I'm relieved that we're at least somewhat talking but at the same time, I'm feeling guilty as hell that I've retracted her spot in my wedding.
So now, we're about three weeks to the big day and I'm not even sure if she's put the shoe on the other foot and thought about what's going through my head. Sure, I feel like crap because she was after all, my best friend. At the same time, neither my FI and I want any sort of drama on one of the most important days of our lives. And honestly, after all that happened, the FI doesn't care too much for her presence either. Deep down inside, I would like her to be there but I already know we're not going to be as close as we used to be. What would you do in a situation like this? It just all seems like high school all over again!
(BTW, since it's a very small ceremony, we decided to forgo the tradition of having a wedding party, so it sort of worked out anyway).
Posted 13 July 2009 - 02:03 PM
Posted 13 July 2009 - 02:51 PM
good luck! keep us posted
Posted 13 July 2009 - 02:54 PM
I hope it all works out in the end, whether you decide she's a friend worth keeping or not. I totally agree with your reactions though.
Your wedding is almost here!!!! How exciting!
Posted 13 July 2009 - 03:04 PM
Posted 13 July 2009 - 03:34 PM
Posted 13 July 2009 - 03:55 PM
Posted 13 July 2009 - 04:13 PM
Hope it all works out and stay strong. Its your wedding day and all that matters is that you and the groom are there and love eachother :-)
Posted 14 July 2009 - 10:18 AM
We have decided to not re-invite her. Josie, you had a really good about the subject being brought up after a few drinks. That's happened in the past with her, and I definitely do not want anybody crying into their cocktails about any kind of drama!
Kathy, that's what my FI is convinced it's all about-- jealousy. He and I started dating the same time she and her boyfriend started dating. I moved in with him before she moved in with hers, and she's always been so negative about us moving 'so fast'.
Brenda&Jeff-- I hope everything works out for you as well! It's not the easiest decision to make, but in hindsight, probably the best.
Posted 14 July 2009 - 12:14 PM
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