I know I should look on the bright side but I can't help it

KJT1985 · June 4, 2009

My mom was emailing me about the wedding today. She was giving me all these excuses why they can't stay long...because my dad doesn't like to be away from work, because they don't know what to do with the dog, because the flight is so long. Then she implied that my brother won't be coming. On one hand I can totally understand that this is a lot to ask of people, even my parents, and that I should just be happy they're coming at all. On the other hand it makes me mad that I continue to hear excuses and that they won't take a full week for a vacation. Growing up my family never really went on vacations - certainly not out of the country to tropical destinations. I want them to be able to go and have a good time. To relax, but I'm not convinced they're going to be able to enjoy the experience. If they show up the day before the wedding and leave two days after, what's the point?! I feel like they won't get their money's worth out of it.

My brother is a whole other story. He's in college but i'm sure he could stay in a room with my parents to help with cost. He got mad at me back in March because he claims that I think the location is more important than family being able to attend. He told me to stop being so selfish and that I had no class. He HATES my fiance and would be angry at the situation no matter what. But apparently i'm supposed to change our wedding plans and what we want so he can go. At the time of this conversation I told him to He hasn't talked to me since and has been going to INSANE lengths to avoid being around me.

GAH! Ok so I know its OUR decision and it only matters if WE are happy but its hard to be happy when nobody else is excited about this and my own brother can't make the effort to be there. Saying nobody else is excited is an exaggeration, his family is THRILLED! That helps, some.

starchild · June 4, 2009

Maybe since they have never really gone on vacations they just don't see the point and they are just going for the wedding, you know? You can only try so hard to impress upon them what fun they would have. Sorry about your bro...I have no advice for that. For what it's worth none of our guests stayed an entire week (we barely stayed a week before flying off to our honeymoon) and many guests got to town the day before the wedding and left 1-2 days after. It all works out in the end and I'm glad you realize your decision to have a dw is non-negotiable. I hope you feel better soon

BillysBride · June 4, 2009

I agree with Starchild. They aren't going for a vacay-they are going to see their daughter get married.

You have parents willing to take the time to be there for your wedding. It is important to them to see their daughter get married. THAT, is huge and not to be taken for granted. Believe me.

Some people simply aren't beach/tropical folks. To ME that is hard to understand, but it's still very true! My own mom went to my sister's DW and spent the entire time trying not to be bored. That was in NO WAY a reflection on the love she has for her daughter; she just doesn't do the beach and wasn't interested in anything not connected to the celebration. She is older, doesn't want to be tramping all over going sightseeing in high humidity and heat and just not into the whole tourist bit. After a good two days of lounging and being waited on, she was ready to come home.

Don't try to convince them that staying longer is the thing to do. Many people aren't comfortable traveling, or being away from work for long periods. MANY. My FFIL hasn't missed a SINGLE DAY OF WORK IN 25 yrs. He's coming to our wedding and taking that Friday off to do so. That is HUGE to us because we realize that nothing else would be capable of making him miss a day. My FMIL will leave with him because she's much the same, though I know she wouldn't mind staying longer. They'll come and go together and that's fine with us.

So maybe try to see this as YOUR TIME with YOUR HUSBAND. Personally, we don't want a bunch of people hanging around all week, but that's just us and it's up to the individual couple how they celebrate. We'll have a few people staying for longer, but honestly like the idea of being able to focus on each other instead of feeling like we got all these people down there, so it's up to us to entertain them and keep 'em company.

KJT1985 · June 5, 2009

Thanks guys. I AM feeling better today. We're going away for two weeks - the first to the resort and taking a cruise the second week so i'm not concerned about time with him. I just want people to get the most out of it. I feel like if they make it a vacation then maybe they won't resent me as much for the money they're spending.

BillysBride · June 5, 2009

Sweetie, you are looking at this ALL the wrong way.

First off..what type of people are you dealing with who you honestly believe would RESENT coming to your wedding? Cuz if there are some in attendance, the last thing you need to be doing is worrying about their asses. Let 'em come and go as quickly as they please--or better yet, hopefully they won't come at all if that's truly the way they feel! You've got it flipped around to the point where people having a nice vacay is important when it truly is all about your getting married! If people CHOOSE to get a vacation out of it, so be it! I know a lot of us spin it that way to entice people to come, but at the end of the whole she'bang, it's about the two of you saying your vows to each other, hopefully with the people you love surrounding you.

It's your wedding! People who love you want to see you get married! And ..it's entirely up to them how they enjoy that experience; we as brides want to control soo much, and most of it genuinely comes from a GOOD place. But this is something you CANNOT control! You can't tell someone how to have a good time. For some people, 3 days is enough. That doesn't mean they won't enjoy their time with you on your wedding trip! It simply means that their idea of relaxation or a vacation might not be spending 7 days there OR they truly do have responsibilities they feel they need to get back to! It's not a reflection on anything other than that. To them, they most likely think they ARE getting the "most out of it"!

Please don't stress over something like how long people stay. It's not worth it. Just ask anyone of the brides here who has had her day already...this is one of those things that you'll look back and regret spending so much time worrying about cuz it won't matter in the end.