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Anyone have to get permission to travel w/ stepkids?

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#1 ebredhawk

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    Posted 11 May 2009 - 04:49 PM

    so this friday is the big day... FI is FINALLY going to let the mother of his daughter know that we are having a DW and his daughter will need to be there. unfortunately her mom has legal custody so any time he wants to take her anywhere or get extra time he has to submit it to her in writing and get her signed approval.

    despite her nickname of "satan" (it's well-deserved, trust me), she can be moderately reasonable when we need to change around the parenting schedule. i'm just absolutely terrified that when we tell her we'll be going to another country for a week that she'll flat out refuse to let FI's daughter come with us. it is also very much a family vacation and all of us would hate for her to miss it.

    the only possible opposition i can see is the fact that she would be missing school, but april is the only time during the year that both FI and I can take enough time off work. she will only be in first grade at that point next year and we will be more than willing to help her with her make up work and make sure she doesn't miss out on anything.

    sorry for the rambling, i'm just wondering if any of you girls have had to ask to take your FI/DH's kids with you and how it went? although my FI is amazing and says he couldn't care less who is there besides the two of us, our marriage means we are officially a family and i think it's important that she's there!

    #2 Susanandmo

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      Posted 11 May 2009 - 06:19 PM

      My brother just went thru this in order to have my niece travel with us. I got the following info from the U.S. Custom & Broder Protection website

      If a child is traveling with only one parent or someone who is not a parent or legal guardian, what paperwork should the adult have to indicate permission or legal authority to have that child in their care?

      Adults traveling in or out of the United States with children under the age of 18 should be aware of the following:
      because of increasing incidents of child abductions in disputed custody cases and as possible victims of child pornography, Customs and Border Protection (CBP) strongly recommends that unless the child is accompanied by both parents
      the adult have a note from the child's other parent (or, in the case of a child traveling with grandparents, uncles or aunts, sisters or brothers, or friends, a note signed by both parents) stating "I acknowledge that my wife/husband/etc. is traveling out of the country with my son/daughter. He/She/They has my permission to do so."
      CBP also suggests that this note be notarized.
      While CBP may not ask to see this documentation, if we do ask, and you do not have it, you may be detained until the circumstances of the child traveling without both parents can be fully assessed.
      If there is no second parent with legal claims to the child (deceased, sole custody, etc.) any other relevant paperwork, such as a court decision, birth certificate naming only one parent, death certificate, etc., would be useful.

      Adults traveling with children should also be aware that, while the U.S. does not require this documentation, many other countries do, and failure to produce notarized permission letters and/or birth certificates could result in travelers being refused entry. (Canada has very strict requirements in this regard.)

      All children who are U.S. or Canadian citizens should also have a copy of their birth certificate if traveling by land or sea. Children 18 and under are exempt from the requirement to have a government-issued photo ID. If traveling by air, an unexpired Passport is required for everyone, including infants. Starting June 1, 2009, children under the age of 16 (15 or younger) will still not need a passport, although if they are not traveling with both parents, they will be required to have a letter of parental consent. Teens between the ages of 16-18, if traveling as part of an adult-supervised school, religious, cultural or athletic goup, will also be exempt from rules requiring a passport, although they will need to have a copy of their birth certificate. If just traveling with friends or family, 16-18 year olds will need a passport - as will all other U.S. and Canadian citizens over the age of 15.
      Lawful permanent residents (LPRs), refugees, and asylees will continue to be able to use their Alien Registration Card (Form I-551), issued by DHS, or other valid evidence of permanent residence status or refugee or asylee status to apply for entry to the United States.

      Hope this helps!

      #3 itsfinallyhere

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        Posted 11 May 2009 - 06:35 PM

        Good Luck to you I hope this all works out for you. And I strongly suggest that you follow Susana's advice and gt a notarized letter of permission from the mother. You don't want any hassels (like her changing her mind). I am sure that whe will let her daughtergo, but she may insist on coming too. Have you thought about this? (Not to attend the wedding but care for the child)

        I think it is wonderful of you to want to include her. I wish you all the best and hope that she will not cause you any problems for this. I am sure that the little girl will love being there as well.

        #4 ebredhawk

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          Posted 11 May 2009 - 07:47 PM

          thank you so much for the travel information! we had planned on getting everything signed and notarized as soon as she agrees so she can't go back on it, but that's good to know that's what is recommended as well just for travel purposes.

          it makes me sick to my stomach to think about her coming with us, but i think the last thing her mom would want to do is spend a week in the same vicinity as FI's family. if she is concerned about child care though, then we are good to go! FI's parents, sisters, brothers in law and his 4 year old niece will also be there so there will be no shortage of family members to look after her, not to mention the amazing kids club that Dreams has.

          #5 KimmyG

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            Posted 11 May 2009 - 07:58 PM

            I don't have any advice but I wanted to wish you good luck, Erin!! I'll keep my fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly for you guys on Friday.

            #6 Sapphire723

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              Posted 11 May 2009 - 08:06 PM

              Originally Posted by itsfinallyhere
              Good Luck to you I hope this all works out for you. And I strongly suggest that you follow Susana's advice and gt a notarized letter of permission from the mother. You don't want any hassels (like her changing her mind). I am sure that whe will let her daughtergo, but she may insist on coming too. Have you thought about this? (Not to attend the wedding but care for the child)
              She may also be paranoid about you leaving the country without her, because of all the horror stories of when one parent kidnaps the child Although, she would have to be extremely paranoid to even worry about that, especially since so many people besides you and FI are going, and you likely have plenty of roots at home and none out of the country.

              #7 jmb0902

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                Posted 11 May 2009 - 08:35 PM

                My FI's ex-wife, also appropriately nicknamed "Satan" is not even allowing their 7-year old son to get a passport, much less actually go to our wedding. He wouldn't miss school or anything like that, it's just her trying to make our lives miserable as usual - but unfortunately she doesn't realize she is hurting her son, not just us. So essentially, I'm not help... although I know both parents do have to be present to obtain a passport for the minor child.

                #8 Susanandmo

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                  Posted 11 May 2009 - 10:17 PM

                  The info that I posted above is only for traveling with a minor. To get a passport for a minor is a entire different animal. It depends on which parent has custody of the child. Please check out this link and scroll down to step 5
                  Special Requirements for Children Under Age 16

                  Best of luck!

                  #9 Yari

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                    Posted 11 May 2009 - 10:48 PM

                    I was in the same situation last year.

                    I call his ex "Bitch" and she actually let my step daughter go, which I was shocked. She do through in a few jabs every so often, but in the end if she didn't let her go, she would have been the bad person. Our step-daughter was so excited about going she would have been pissed off at her mom for awhile.

                    My DH had a letter and stuff, but it wasn't needed. Immigration assumed we were husband and wife with her no questions asked.

                    How is your stepkid?

                    #10 ebredhawk

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                      Posted 12 May 2009 - 01:56 PM

                      jmb, did she even give you guys a reason? does it bother your FI that he won't be there?

                      susan, you are amazing with all this info! sounds like you speak from experience! if she lets brianna (my future stepdaughter) come with us i can only imagine how awkward it will be when they both have to go get her passport together. they can hardly stand to be around each other just for the few minutes during pick ups and drop offs! it'll be well worth it though!

                      yari.. you are my hero!! i can't believe you called her a bitch AND she still let your stepdaughter come! that's a double whammy right there! we plan on doing the same thing with the letter, just to hedge our bets.

                      i agree, i think her mom would really be the bad guy if she said no. she talks about her dress, the beach and going "where the pirates are from" (the carribbean.. hah!) all the time and she will definitely know that it was her mom that kept her from coming if it comes to that. she is a dream stepchild though.. she has gotten to the point where she really doesn't remember her life before FI and I started dating so in her mind i've always been around. i am in awe of the women who have relationships with men that have older children... i think my situation can be difficult, but to have to deal with all those complexities, you deserve an award!

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