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Kim08

Non-Legal Marriages-when are you making it legal?

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I would love your girls' thoughts. My fiancee and I have been debating what to do about this. We have decided for sure that we will get legally married before we leave to save the blood work hassle and the expense of translating all our documents. Our debate is how- I can't keep a secret to save my life so i would have a lot of trouble having a legal ceremony and not telling people but I also wouldn't want to have the people spending the money to join us in Mexico feel like they weren't at our 'real' marriage (even though I 100% consider our wedding in mexico to be the real one and the legal marriage to be paperwork).

Here is my solution: I live near toronto and we have officiants here who will meet you at the airport and do a 90 second legal marriage for you right there (for only $150)- we could tell our guests when it would be happening and then they can choose whether they want to be there. I think it would be a nice way to kick off our 'wedding week' but the struggle is if everyone is around will it feel too much like our real wedding (though it is only 90 seconds long and we won't do our vows or anything then and we won't even dress up).

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

Laura

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Its a tough scenario-I think most people would support whatever you want to do. I know a lot of people keep the fact that they are already legally married a secret. We are not actively going to go around telling everyone, but if people ask we are not going to lie either. I think some of our people know it is not a legal ceremony, but they don't care-they are coming to Mexico to vacation and celebrate with us!!

 

Laura,

I like your idea of doing it at the airport as a kick off to your "wedding". Also, whoever wants to be there, can!!

 

Kelly

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In Massachusetts, anyone can become an officiant for one day. They just need to send in an application and $$. We are planning on having a friend do this so that we can just sign the papers to make it legal. We do not want to say any vows or anything so we can save that for the Mexico wedding. Not sure how this plan will pan out considering we haven't done that much research yet. Thats FIs only job and he hasn't done it yet :)

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Quote:
Originally Posted by moult_22 View Post
I would love your girls' thoughts. My fiancee and I have been debating what to do about this. We have decided for sure that we will get legally married before we leave to save the blood work hassle and the expense of translating all our documents. Our debate is how- I can't keep a secret to save my life so i would have a lot of trouble having a legal ceremony and not telling people but I also wouldn't want to have the people spending the money to join us in Mexico feel like they weren't at our 'real' marriage (even though I 100% consider our wedding in mexico to be the real one and the legal marriage to be paperwork).
Here is my solution: I live near toronto and we have officiants here who will meet you at the airport and do a 90 second legal marriage for you right there (for only $150)- we could tell our guests when it would be happening and then they can choose whether they want to be there. I think it would be a nice way to kick off our 'wedding week' but the struggle is if everyone is around will it feel too much like our real wedding (though it is only 90 seconds long and we won't do our vows or anything then and we won't even dress up).
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!
Laura
I am having the same problem too. I don't want anyone celebrating the "paperwork" marriage. My fiancé told his Mom that we are making it legal before we go to Mexico and now she is thinking it is the REAL wedding *SIGH*. She was saying oh have it when so and so is in town. AHHHH

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Originally Posted by Kim08 View Post
I am having the same problem too. I don't want anyone celebrating the "paperwork" marriage. My fiancé told his Mom that we are making it legal before we go to Mexico and now she is thinking it is the REAL wedding *SIGH*. She was saying oh have it when so and so is in town. AHHHH
We are doing our legal before with us and a minister. It is your problem that I am trying to avoid. I think if anyone knows, especially parents, it would ruin some of the excitement of Mexico. AND it will be our little secret that only we know.

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We got legally married in Vegas in January and are having the wedding two years later.

It's not everyone's ideal, since the "real" wedding is so much later than the "legal" wedding, but we loved it this way! We got to have the elopement feel by having one tacky Vegas ceremony, just the two of us, and we still get the grander destination wedding with all our friends and family!

Check out the pics of our Vegas wedding below, if you're interested. My finance surprised me with a proposal, two tickets to Vegas, and our favorite photographer who met us there to capture it all!

 

Here's the link:

Ben Chrisman Wedding Journal

 

 

 

Davina

http://atfirstsightstudio.com/blog

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We are doing the legal stuff after we return from Mexico. The number one reason is that we want the first time we say the vows to be in Mexico with our own ceremony and vows. Second it eliminates the feeling that we have cheated our guests out of the real thing. Third this was we are thinking of it more as filing the paperwork upon our return.

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We are getting legally married on the same day as our wedding...so we have the civil at 10 and the spiritual at 4pm...the civil will be immediate family only.

 

I did it this way because to me if I did it at home I would be married...I know that is all just in my head, but it would bug me so I went through the extra work.

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We are getting legally married when we get home. I am not keeping it a secret from our guests, but not intentionally telling them either. If they ask, we tell them the truth.

 

I don't understand all this about guests being upset b/c it's not legal. I have delt with it a bit with my FMIL. She actually referred to my mexico ceremony as a "Faux ceremony" in an email to me. She also said "Well, don't tell your brother that it's not legal b/c he's travelling all that way (ny to mx)..."

 

This makes me so angry! Our wedding in mexico IS the real deal for us. It is going to be our anniversary date, it's when my father walks me down the isle, it's when we say our vows, it's the celebration with family and friends afterward,etc... The legal part is just a technicality for us.

 

I think of it this way...of all the local weddings I've been to over the years, if the couple never got their marriage license before the ceremony it would not have been any less real to me. So what's the difference?

 

Bottom line: The wedding in mexico is REAL to us. Why does whether it's legal or not even matter? A wedding ceremony is SO MUCH MORE than just the legalities.

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I totally agree with your post newyork6156!!

 

We are still deciding whether to do the Civil or Symbolic - I want to do the Symbolic - the paper work being the major factor, apostille this, translate that and when you get home you have to have an copy of the marriage certificate in English - too many hoops and expense. I'm with you...the REAL wedding will take place on the beach surrounded by friends and family - Fiance thinks people will feel duped - I say we don't tell them and we get married AFTER we get back (quietly).

 

I may have to use your post as additonal ammunition for my case of a Symbolic Ceremony!! Thanks for posting it sums up my feelings exactly!

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